Cool Find! Drinking is a Ball with These Ice Molds

Hey, look what I found at the new Sur la Table store that opened up at my local mall - these groovy spherical ice molds that make gigantic round ice cubes. How fun are these for summer cocktails?

You simply fill the plastic molds up with water and add any garnish you think would be tasty or pretty. I tried lime and blueberries, because that's what I had in the house. But think mint for mojitos, olives for martinis, or lemons for lemonade.

Then you gently place the rubber top on the mold and place it in your freezer for  four hours. The water level looks too low at first, but never fear - water expands as it freezes. You end up with a big round festive ball of ice that will keep your drink cool on the  most sizzling of days and looks lovely too.

At just $10.95 for a set of two, I think these Tovolo sphere ice molds are super fun and kind of crafty as well. Bring on summer and bring on the cocktails!

I was not compensated in any way to endorse this product. I just stumbled upon it and had to share! If you invite me over, you may get these as your hostess gift.

Feel Better About Your Body in 5 Minutes

Stand up straight, gorgeous!

We talked a lot about body image at my last Sex & the Suburbs show at the Wilmette Theatre. Often women allow feeling badly about their bodies - too jiggly, too old, too flawed - to prevent them from enjoying sex and all kinds of physical pleasure. Well, screw that! Here are three things you can do in the next five minutes to feel better about your body, just the way it is.

1. Move to Music.
One of the most fun things to do with your body is to dance it! It's a physical celebration of being alive and there's no way you can feel bad when you're grooving. Put on your favorite song and shake, shimmy, stretch and bend for three minutes. I'm loving this Bruno Mars tune. Hit play and get your dance on.

Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven - www.SongsLover.pk

Powered by mp3skull.com

2. Stand up Straight
Stop slumping over your keyboard or smart phone (caught you, didn't I?). Throw back your shoulders, suck in your tummy, and lift your chin. Not only does this move immediately make you feel stronger and more confident, it makes you look five pounds thinner, as my personal trainer friend Sharon Davis demonstrates in seconds, below. It's quite a transformation.



3. Talk Yourself Up
Put a halt to the undermining negative self-talk with this one-minute exercise. With your new perfect posture, saunter over to the mirror, look your reflection in the eye, and give yourself an extravagant compliment. Make it something you'd love to hear about your appearance. Something like this:

• You're the most gorgeous, luscious babe on the face of the earth.
• You are strong, you are beautiful, you are freaking awesome!
• Damn, you are one sexy, hot, ripe-peach mama!
• You are looking perfectly, radiantly, deliciously you.

Say it three times to yourself, loud and proud. Feels good right? Words have power and using positive affirmations like these creates a forcefield against all the negativity we are bombarded with each day. 

Okay, the five minutes are up! Now go forth and conquer with your brilliant brain, your bodacious bod, and your courageous heart. The world needs women who feel good about themselves and are willing to play big.

Want more feel-good suggestions? Read my column  - How to Feel Your Most Sexy Self.

NYC Style This Weekend: What They Wore, What's in Stores

Here’s what the cool chicks were wearing in New York City this beautiful April weekend:

Shrunken trench coats. I packed a lightweight trench, but mine was knee-length, which seemed hopelessly out of style and voluminous compared to the cute short belted trenches I saw on girls and women all over Midtown. A practical layer for the changeable weather.

image from Burberry.com

These are $125 at J. Crew

Dark, skinny, cropped jeans – Manhattan women of all ages are enviably slim, and these dark body-hugging jeans looked very flattering on their tiny thighs, but I’d say this look is not for everyone. However, the length was fresh and modern – just grazing the anklebone in a kind of sweetly sexy way.

Corso Como flat $59, Nordstrom

Ballet flats – forget stilettos, New Yorkers walk. The footwear of choice was chic but practical ballet flats without too much adornment. (Sorry Tory Burch.)

And here’s what I saw in stores:

Bright Sorbet Colors and Florals

I only had a few hours to shop, but the displays in stores were dazzling. I spotted only a few women actually wearing these eye-popping hues and garden inspired fabrics, but they were everywhere in stores.

From Bloomingdales, who had a big 30% off sale this weekend…

Ted Baker display at Bloomindales.

…to the very cool and cheap Joe Fresh and Uniqlo  – my daughter Emma would love these stores! 

Lollipop color at Joe Fresh

Trend combo: ballet flats + color at Joe Fresh

Uniqlo NYC

If you’ve had a hankering to wear pink and turquoise and mix it up with some crazy poppy print, this is the season for you. I’ve never seen such girly frippery. After a long gray Chicago winter, it makes me happy.

That said, I didn’t buy anything candy-colored or flowery. But I did pick up this Red Haute floaty zebra patterned blouse at Bloomingdale’s for 30% off, which I intend to wear over a silky, comfy black tank I picked up at Uniqlo for 12 bucks. I think it would look great with the ballet flats and dark jeans don’t you?

I look just like this.
Pic from bloomingdales.com

I’d love to know, what are you looking forward to wearing this spring?

For Great Sex: Deal with Differences in Desire

My most recent Sex & the Suburbs column for MakeitBetter.net discusses how men and women can deal with the differences in their desire. Men and women get turned on very differently, which can often lead to hurt feelings, misunderstandings and resentments, even though it's no one's fault - it's just biology, damn it!

"When men and women understand how differently they become aroused, they can make changes to accommodate each other so they both enjoy sex more. Here are some empowering strategies to negotiate the differences in desire in your relationship."

Based on an enlightening conversation with sex therapist Emily Harrell, my column provides advice so that both partners can feel fulfilled. The first tip? Stop treating sex as a yes or no proposition. Instead, make time to fool around (cuddle, make out, massage) without a specific goal in mind. It takes the pressure off and opens doors to greater exploration and arousal.When both partners are relaxed and intimate, who knows what might develop?

Image courtesy of
MakeitBetter.net

Read the rest of the tips at over at Make it Better and enjoy!

Swimsuit Shopping doesn't have to Suck

In a couple weeks I'm going to Mexico with 45 people. Our group is comprised of a dozen high school senior boys along with parents and a few younger siblings. The boys are tight, but the rest of us don't know each other as well. Being in a bathing suit in front of so many people (including some super-fit moms) is stressing me out. I want to look my best, or at least feel comfortable.

So Friday, feeling unexpectedly brave, I went swimsuit shopping. I came home with a great suit, but it wasn't easy. Since I'm fresh from the dressing room, I thought I'd share some tips on how to make the whole potentially traumatic experience more pleasant for you.

Before you leave home:

• Be single-minded. Finding a good bathing suit is a big deal. Give yourself plenty of time for this mission and don't convolute it with other errands or shopping needs. 
• Set goals for your suit. My priorities were coverage, comfort and cuteness. I also wanted to play up my boobs while distracting from my wide hips.  I was leaning toward  a tankini, because the bikini bottom makes it easier to pee in public restrooms, while the longer top covers the tummy, but can be rolled up for tanning. You'll have your own criteria. 
• If you have no idea what styles look best for your figure, do some online research.
• Wear appropriate attire. I recommend you wear tiny undies - stuffing my boyshort briefs into bikini bottoms was not fun - big jewelry, and beachy shoes with a heel (shove 'em in your purse if it's not sandal weather.)

My pick: La Blanca Tankini
Image via Lord and Taylor

At the Mall:

• Find a store with a pleasing environment and a BIG selection of swimsuits. You need lots of options! I had found some suits I liked on Bloomingdale's website, but their in-store selection was disappointingly thin. Macy's had a huge assortment, but the department was messy, loud and chaotic - and seemed geared to 13 year-olds. I ended up at Lord &Taylor, which had a nice selection of chic styles and large, clean dressing rooms.
• Plan to try on many, many suits. Grab anything that you think might meet your criteria in a size at least one size bigger than your dress size. If you are normally an 8, start with a 10 and go from there. If you're trying on separates, you may need to mix and match. My bottom is a size bigger than my top!

In the Dressing Room

• Trust me on this - do not look in the mirror until the suit is fully on! Watching yourself squirm into a suit in bad lighting is not good for your self image. 
• Go easy on yourself. You are bound to try some suits that look simply terrible. I tried on a Miraclesuit that sucked in my waist like a corset, but squished my boobs as well. The last time I saw my breasts that flat, I was getting a mammogram. Remember - if you look awful, it's the suit's fault, not yours. 
• As you try everything on, be honest about what styles really flatter you, and readjust. For example, I thought I wanted a strapless bandeau or halter top, but those suits didn't give the lift my bust requires  to look perky. Well... perky-ish.
• When you find a suit that looks good, hang it on the "yes" hook and finish trying the others. If it's still one of your favorites, try it on a final time and examine yourself from every angle. Get really critical. Is it the best color for you? Can you swim in it? Is it gaping or pulling? Are you sure you don't need a different size? Then, If you still like the suit, buy it immediately and don't look back.

My Suit!

• I found I liked tops with sewn-in cups (without those little cup liners that are always sliding around) and wide, uplifting straps. I also developed a passion for ruching, because the gathered material covers a lot of lumps and bumps.
• In the end, I bought the red shirred La Blanca Tankini pictured above. The top cost $97 (ouch) and the bottoms $39 for a total of $136 plus tax.  It's not the sexiest, flashiest suit, but it's cute, it fits well, and I think I'll feel comfortable wearing it poolside with my 45 new best friends. After a couple stong margaritas, that is.

Are you going doing some swimsuit shopping this Spring? I'd love to hear about your experience and the suit you score!

April Update: here's a picture of me in Mexico wearing the suit. I was very happy with it - felt very comfortable whether sunning, snorkling, swimming or jet skiing. That forgiving pleating became even more important over the course of week as my intake of margaritas, guacamole and tacos went unchecked. Ole!

A chat with a famed Sexpert - Dr. Laura Berman

Dr. Laura Berman
image via MakeitBetter.net

How can women boost their own desire so they feel like having sex more often? Is it okay for your kids to know you and your mate are having some time alone? What's something you can do to make Valentine's Day more sexy?

Famous sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman answers these questions and more  in  my interview for Make it Better.  Here's an excerpt, but follow the link for the full piece, which includes a video of our conversation.

Part of the problem for parents is that it’s hard to escape their kids. Do you think it’s bad for kids to know their parents are having “private time”?
Absolutely not. I think the opposite. You’re the model of what a loving, intimate relationship looks like. Obviously children do not need to know the details of your sex life or see you having sex—that’s why you always put a lock on the door. But for them to know that you guys have special private time—you can even set a timer or say “after this cartoon Mommy and Daddy will be right back” —I think that’s a really important message to give your kids about what to expect in their own loving relationships. 


Full interview at my colomn, Sex & The Suburbs, MakeitBetter.net

A Nonlinear look at Friendships

There was an insightful article about navigating changing friendships in this weekend's New York Times by Alex Williams titled, It's Not Me, It's You.  One of the concepts he discusses is linear versus nonlinear friendships.

Linear friendships are based on a deep lasting connection. Nonlinear friendships are based on a shared experience, like a job or a certain stage of life, and aren't as likely to endure when those circumstances change.

It made me realize how my friendships have changed over the years. When my kids were small I had a wide circle of friends who also had small children. Being a stay at home mom was a lonely job and hanging out with other women in the same situation was a lifeline. Outings like apple picking or heading to the park were a lot more fun when there was another mom around to chat with, haul strollers, and watch the kids while you ran to the bathroom. Back then I orchestrated my children's social lives around the moms I liked to hang out with.

When my kids were in grade school, I socialized with women I volunteered with, or carpooled with, or whose kids played on my kids' sports teams.

Women's friendships go through changes
Image via ABC, Desperate Housewives

But now that Nick and Emma are in high school, I've lost the day-to-day contact with many of those pals. As my kids' world has expanded and my involvement in their school and social life has diminished, my circle of friendships has pared down too.

I still like these women! But we're just not in each other's lives as much anymore, unless we make an effort to get together. And that takes, well, effort. I guess that means we're nonlinear friends.

The plus side is that, while my immediate circle may be smaller, my friendships are more fulfilling now, because I spend time with the people that really mean something to me (i.e. my linear friends) and my new non-linear friendships are based on my activities - writing, theater, tennis, etc - instead of my kids' activities.

But maybe I've let a few linear friendships slip into nonlinear mode without meaning to. Friendships do evolve over time, it's only natural, but they also take time and energy to maintain.

So what does this all mean?

I don't know if this is the complete answer but  - I feel a girls night coming on!

3 Great make-up tips for women like us!

Today, let's talk make-up. We've been wearing it for decades, but do we really know the right way to apply it to look bright, refreshed and natural? Well, I didn't, until awesome make-up artist Sylvi Davidson (who also is co-owner of Enamour Photograpy) showed me the techniques demonstrated in the short video, below, which include:

1. The right way to curl your eyelashes and apply mascara.
2. How to "tightline" your eyes to add definition without looking made-up.
3. The importance of a groomed, defined brow to our overall appearance (especially as we get a little older.)

 So check it out and feel free to share any comments or tips of your own.



Special thanks to my friend Kimberly for being our lovely model. More make-up advice from Sylvi is still to come, so please visit here again soon.

Have a Merry Midlife Crisis and a Happy New Year

This year I focused on creating my own midlife crisis. My goal was to get the benefits of this critical time of life without suffering the pain and angst. As I do with any new project, I started out with great purpose and enthusiasm.

In January I worked to accept my changing body.

In February, I got organized to make room for the new me.

In March I worked to become quiet and pay attention to my intuition.

In April I went out looking for inspiration.

In May I began to lose focus and goofed off.

In June I worked on developing new positive habits, one of which was writing every day.

By July I was so damn sick of writing about myself I took the rest of the summer off.

In September I reviewed a video called "Hot Flash Havoc" and it changed my life. I made an appointment with my gynecologist and since then have been taking a combination of estrogen and progesterone. Now many of my mid-life crisis symptoms, apparently hormonally induced, are gone. 

In October, November and December, I felt really good and was so busy with other writing projects and kids and home and husband and life, I pretty much forgot I was having a midlife crisis at all. Well, hey.

I am claiming success! The combination of the research and self-analysis and hormone replacement therapy has pretty much dissipated my fear and anxiety about aging and given me a new sense of purpose. And I love that I continue to find that middle age is a fabulous time of life. 

In this  short video I share some of the most important things I learned from my midlife crisis so that you can enjoy yours, whenever it occurs.

I'm closing out the year by wishing you all the merriest of holidays and a very Happy New Year. I raise my glass to the possibilities and fulfillment 2012 holds for us. Cheers!

3 Reasons Women Look Better With Age

There's no avoiding it; our appearance is destined to change as we grow older.  Many of us dread the signs of aging because we've bought into the media hype that natural conditions like gray hair and wrinkles are ugly and unacceptable.

Well, I'm here to present an alternate view. Looking older does not mean looking worse! Women in their forties, fifties and beyond can look fantastic while still looking our age. We may not be as firm or unlined as we were in our 20s,  but we have some distinct advantages over our younger selves.

1. We've grown into our looks. As full-fledged women, our appearance expresses not only our heredity, but our personality, character and values. We've lost the baby fat, so to speak, and are emerging as distinctive, unique individuals. We're growing to look more authentically like ourselves - the glorious women we're meant to be - and nothing is more attractive  than that.

  

Coco Chanel

As Coco Chanel famously said, "Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty."

2. We're more confident. When we were young we blossomed with health and energy yet were plagued by doubts and insecurities. Now that we're older, we're past all the bullshit of asking for permission or caring what people think. We've got purpose and conviction and an agenda, dammit, and we're not looking to be rescued. This self-assuredness that comes with years is magnetic and sexy, and is cited as a main reason younger men say they are drawn to older women.

There's a kind of confidence that comes when you're in your 40s and 50s, and men find that incredibly attractive.”
Peggy Northrup, former Editor More Magazine

3. We have a better sense of style. Women over forty have learned how to dress. We've come to terms with our bodies and our lives and understand the styles and colors that work best for us. Once, we were tempted by the latest trends; now we invest in clothes that flatter, uplift and last. Oh boy, when I think of some of the awful looks I've sported over the years, I shudder. It took me a few decades to finally get it - I'm curvy and short. Pleated pants, loud prints, capris, ruffles, and shoulder pads might look good on a tall, lanky chicks, but they're banished from my wardrobe for ever. As are perms. Yikes.

For examples of all sorts of women who look better in their 40s and 50's than they ever did in their 20s, check out this gallery from More Magazine.  For fun, I've included some pics of my own.

Me at age 25

Me now, 48

And if you are over 40 and aren't feeling all that fabulous - girl, now's the time to shake things up! Here are some other posts that might interest you:

10 Items You Need to Have in Your Wardrobe

Weighing in on the Scale of Success

Facing Facts About My Face

Feline Fantasy (why I want to be a Cougar)

Undies Uncovered - Sexy Solutions for Women over 40

It's the first day of summer and it's time to lighten up with two lingerie product recommendations I've just got to share! These two little items are not only pretty, they're practical. And they're enthusiastically endorsed by real women over 40. Of course, every body is different, so make sure you try them on for yourself to ensure they work for you.

Image - Hankypanky.com

1. Hanky Panky Thong
I can hardly believe that I'm recommending a thong, because I professed my hatred of the torturous garments at length two years ago (Confessions of a Prude.) But now I've found Hanky Panky's Original Stretch Lace style. These one-size-fits-all panties are feminine and sexy, but more importantly, the rear strip is stretchy and wide enough that it lightly skims your backside with none of the the painful wedgie effects that make other thongs so friggin' uncomfortable.  The crotch panel stays in place too, without bunching or disappearing into the nether regions.  Too much information? Oh, just try them. Hanky Panky also makes lower-rise styles and petite and woman's sizes. Sexy, comfy and no panty lines -  what took me so long? Price: $18.

Image - Bloomingdales.com

2. The NuBra
I haven't tried this one myself, but this innovative garment was a big topic at a recent moms happy hour. Unlike other bras, the NuBra has no straps or fasteners. The supportive silicone cups stay in place by suction and a simple, cleavage-creating hook. With the NuBra, your boobs look (and feel) naturally smooth, shapely and perky! You can wear skimpy or sheer summer tops without worrying about ugly lines, sleazy straps, or the dreaded "nip slip."

My Fortyfabulous friend Coco* swears by it. The NuBra also has the added benefit of covering irregularities and areas dimpled by surgery. Follow this link to see a video of how the NuBra is applied. Fits A, B, and C cups. Price: $60.

After my recent discoveries, I suspect that there are a lot of other cool and useful lingerie products I've been missing out on. So please, if you've got any tips, share them here!

*Not her real name, but she's definitely a Coco to me

The Secret to Developing New Habits

Earlier this month I vowed to devote one hour a day to new, healthy, life-changing habits (see below). An hour of change per day seemed like a modest enough goal for a gal who's in the market for transformation. Nothing too taxing, lots of variety - achievable stuff designed to build my confidence that lasting change was indeed possible at this point in life.

10 mins - Quiet Contemplation
5 mins - Keep Food Journal 

15 mins -Tackle a Terrible Task 

25 mins- Vigorous exercise 

5 mins - Bedtime beauty routine (floss, skin care)

While I've made an effort in all the areas, after two weeks, the only new habit I've integrated on a daily basis is my 5 minute bedtime beauty routine - which basically is flossing my teeth and washing & moisturizing my face.  

My gums are pink and healthy and  I wake up with a fresh-faced glow, but  this is not exactly an earth-shattering achievement. But I'm also trying to think positively, so hey, at least I've developed one new daily habit! Whoo hoo!

Click for GH's tips to better
skin at night.

I'm certain the reason I've been successful with the new beauty routine is because it occurs at exactly the same point of my day - before bed. The other jobs are floating out there in whenever-land. 

This all goes back to the importance of managing your calendar, as my organizing guru, Colleen Collins Josellis taught me back in February. So, rather than beat myself up and abandon my goals, I'm going to  consider them mandatory and schedule them into my day. I hope that giving them a specific time slot will turn them into habits as rote as brushing my teeth or pouring a cup of coffee. I'll give you a progress report on how that's working for me at the end of the month.

In the meantime, for some real inspiration, check out this article written by my  friend, Christy Coughlin, called the 7 Secrets of Super Fit Women. These motivated chicks don't let anything stand in the way of their health and fitness goals. 

And if you find their routines too daunting, just remember me, dab on some eye cream and feel good about yourself!http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/beauty/skin/night-treatment

Forget Timberlake, it's Older Women Bringing Sexy Back

 I'm reading an encouraging little book called The Secret Pleasures of Menopause by Dr. Christiane Northrup that has cheered me up about getting older. According to this prominent OB/Gyn and recent research, we women have a lot to look forward to between the sheets in middle age and beyond!

 Here are a couple excerpts from the book I'd like to pass on:

"The first idea you need to cast aside is the cultural myth that sex drive inevitably decreases after menopause. This simply is not true. The latest research shows that women in their 60s and 70's have the best sex of their lives."

According to a 2007 survey of 3000 men and women aged 57-85, "not only were most of those surveyed still sexually active, but the average frequency of sex was 2-3 times per month - the same frequency that younger adults report."

"Women aged 55 and older enjoy sex more and put more thought and effort into their sex lives than women the same age a decade ago. ... The researchers explain the difference in this way: Women who've reached midlife and beyond feel younger, are more open about their sexual needs, and are more interested in health."

Also, the study showed that a robust sex life has "less to do with how old you are and more to do with how healthy you are."

It's no secret that sex and health have a reciprocal relationship - the better you feel, the more sex you have and the more sex you have, the better you feel. The very good news is that age doesn't affect this equation.

So to celebrate, I'll propose a toast - To your health!

Moms, do you wanna be a MILF?

The term "Milf," which originated as an acronym for the crude term Mother I'd Like to F*@k, has evolved into a semi-legit noun that creates mixed feelings amongst we moms. I mean, we're not interested in the attention of guys young enough to be our sons (are we?) but we'd still appreciate being considered hot by other men.

Check out my article at Make it Better where I delve into the contradictions of this term and interview author Sarah Maizes about her fun new book, Got Milf? The modern mom's guide to feeling fabulous, looking great and rocking a minivan.


Milfs seem to be the sexy older chicks of choice in the media these days, but I still have a fondness for the classic Cougars which I wrote about admiringly a few years back. Follow the link to my article "Feline Fantasy" to reminisce with me!

And check back tomorrow, when I give a sneak peek to my interview with Carolyn Evans, author of Forty Beads - the Simple Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage.

Is a Midlife Crisis all about Sex?

As I continue to create my own midlife crisis, this exploration is suddenly resulting in many connections and coincidences - discoveries that are kind of amazing - and the unifying theme here is none other than sex.


The classes I'm taking, the books I'm reading, the people I'm meeting, the dreams I'm having -  the stars are aligned. My new  guru has an S-Factor pole in her living room and attends conferences with Shameless author Pamela Madsen. My friends are scheduling Enamour photo shoots, sex toy parties, and romantic getaways. They're getting frisky, taking ownership, celebrating themselves. Which all leads me to conclude -


A midlife crisis is all about sex.

Dana Delany is a chick who clearly
feels sexy (pic  from IMDb.com)

It's not a complete shocker that I've come to this conclusion. After all, the two things I write about are 1) middle age (here at Forty Fabulous) and 2) sex and relationships (over at Makeitbetter.net.) I have fun exploring titillating topics, but I've never felt that sexuality was my main focus. I've seen it as just one tool - along with curiosity, courage, wit, and generosity - for a mature chick to get it going on.

But when I get specific about what it means to have it "going on," I mean a woman who feels great about herself, is excited by life, is physically, emotionally and intellectually alive, who connects with others and has a rockin' good time. A woman who is sexy! Someone like Dana Delany, pictured, who at 55 seems to embody all those traits. She obviously feels like one smoking hot babe. Do you?

I do!

       Well, sometimes.

                   Lately not so much....

                            Thus my midlife crisis.

Like pretty much everybody, sexuality is an important aspect of my identity. The idea of going through the next half of my life not feeling hot is a bleak prospect. I don't mean other people thinking I'm hot (although, feel free.) I don't even mean having lots of hot squealy-pig sex (though I'm a fan.) I mean feeling hot about myself and feeling connected to that electric vibe that runs through my core, the sense of anticipation that says - hey I'm ready, everything is possible, bring it on!

Because when you feel like that, age is irrelevant.

The job here is to figure out how to dial up that current; keep it zipping and zapping as long and strong as possible. At this point in life - with kids and hormones and bills and responsibilities - what's exciting? What's a turn-on now? It's not the same stuff that did it 20 years ago. Just a few of the things that get my pulse racing are singing onstage and dancing in the kitchen and interviewing someone fascinating and getting my husband to... Oops. I've promised to keep him out of this - at least as far as the blog is concerned.

Anyhow, I intend to have a lot  of fun exploring this area. Check back soon, because I'm going on a retreat where I hope to gets lots of inspiration. Til then, have a sexy weekend!

My Midlife Crisis Reading List

In a month when I'm looking for inspiration, I thought I'd share some of the books that have helped put my midlife crisis in motion. I've read them all (except for the last three which are next  on my list)  and highly recommend them. Some are heavy, some are just plain fun - but I'm sure you'll find something on this list that will spark your interest.  If you click on the title, it will take you to the book's page over at Amazon.

Books on Women's Roles, Transitions, and Positive Change

• The Breaking Point: How the Female Midlife Crisis is Transforming Today's Women, Sue Shellenbarger
• A Woman's Worth, Marianne Williamson
• If Not Now, When: Reclaiming Ourselves at Midlife, Stephanie Marston
• Fruitful, Anne Roiphe
• The Right Questions: Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life, Debbie Ford

Books on Reclaiming your Juicy, Sexy, Bad-Ass Self

• Shameless, Pamela Madsen (I interviewed her!)
• Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World, Regena Thomashauer

Books on Creativity and Performance

• The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron
• Creating a Life Worth Living, Carol Lloyd
• 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, Gail McMeekin
• The Inner Game of Tennis, W. Timothy Gallwey (applies to the game of life, not just tennis!)

Books on Looking Great After 40

• 40 After 40, 40 Things Every Woman over 40 Needs to know About Getting Dressed, Brenda Reiten Kinsel
• How Not to Look Old, Charla Krupp
• Lit From Within, Victoria Moran

Next on My List

• Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes
• Passages, Predictable Crises of Adult Life, Gail Sheehey
• The Wisdom of Menopause: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing During the Change, Christiane Northrup

If you have a book that has inspired you, I'd love to hear about it!

My Rant on Weight: Skinny Bitch, Fat Ass and Everywhere in Between

How'd she do it? She ate less.

I've been blogging about body issues all month and I've barely mentioned the biggie - WEIGHT. Why? Because I'm so enlightened about the importance of health and inner beauty that my weight is no longer of concern to me. I've risen above it.

HA!

Of course I care about my weight - I think about it all the time. It influences how I feel about myself on a daily basis. Does this make me shallow or vain? Have I been victimized by the unrealistic body images portrayed in the media?

I'm going to get a cookie and think about that.

The answer is - No! I'm not a misguided dupe. Weight matters to me and probably to you too. Most of us are obsessed with weight for very good reason. We know we need to lose some, and that we'd feel much happier and healthier if we did.

Being at a healthy body weight is so important for women our age. It is one of the single biggest factors in maintaining our joints and heart, and can significantly reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes and some cancers. But also, it feels damn good to be fit. Everything is easier and more fun - from climbing stairs to choosing an outfit in the morning.

I'm not talking about looking like a Hollywood starlet. Celebs look amazing on camera, but it's surprising how slight and insubstantial some appear in person. A few years ago I went to a taping of the Oprah Show and saw actress Patricia Heaton, who played the "average" mom on Everybody Loves Raymond. She was so tiny I could have encircled her delicate ankle with my thumb and middle finger.

I don't blame the stars for being extremely thin. They're like jockeys and wrestlers; to succeed in their chosen profession their bodies have to weigh a certain amount and they'll do what it take to get them there.With all the fasting, cleansing and exercising, I wonder how some of the waifs have energy to lift their heads from the pillow each morning.

But there's a lot of working room between the average woman and the average movie star. The latest government stats are sobering - over half of all American women are overweight or obese. To stave what has become an epidemic, the USDA and Department of Health and Human Services have issued some new dietary guidelines. Their basic advice: don't eat so much. 


Wow, that's simple. Don't consume more calories than your body needs. The tough part is that our calorie requirement goes down as we get older, which is why we women over 40 have a harder time keeping off the pounds. (Click here for tips to lose weight after 40.)

How much should we weigh? I checked the ideal weight chart at thirdage.com, and I think the range is valid for me. When I felt my absolute best I was toward the bottom end - right now I'm pushing the ceiling. I'm still in the zone, but it doesn't feel or look nearly as good.

So, what to do? There's so much - too much - information out there about weight loss. There are diet books and websites and spiritual weight loss guides and exercise programs and supplements. Jennifer Hudson lost 80 pounds on Weight Watchers; Valerie Bertinelli lost 40 on Jenny Craig. It's daunting.

It helps to know that it all boils down to this - to lose weight I have to consume fewer calories. Exercise is great and has physical and emotional benefits in it's own right, but weight loss is about reducing intake. To burn off the two cookies I just ate, I'd have to jog for a half an hour. It would have been much easier not to eat them to begin with!

So, today, as I wrap up a month of writing about the body, I'm going back to the only tool that has ever worked for me - a Food Journal. I'm returning to the plan I used successfully two years ago  and shoot for 1600-1700 calories a day while making sure I eat plenty of fruits, veggies, milk and yogurt (for calcium!)

There are yummy treats on offer everywhere - it's easy to just eat without really thinking about what I'm doing. But starting right now, I'm going to at least be conscious of what I consume. I'm gonna write down every single thing I put in my mouth - even those damn cookies.