Swimsuit Shopping doesn't have to Suck

In a couple weeks I'm going to Mexico with 45 people. Our group is comprised of a dozen high school senior boys along with parents and a few younger siblings. The boys are tight, but the rest of us don't know each other as well. Being in a bathing suit in front of so many people (including some super-fit moms) is stressing me out. I want to look my best, or at least feel comfortable.

So Friday, feeling unexpectedly brave, I went swimsuit shopping. I came home with a great suit, but it wasn't easy. Since I'm fresh from the dressing room, I thought I'd share some tips on how to make the whole potentially traumatic experience more pleasant for you.

Before you leave home:

• Be single-minded. Finding a good bathing suit is a big deal. Give yourself plenty of time for this mission and don't convolute it with other errands or shopping needs. 
• Set goals for your suit. My priorities were coverage, comfort and cuteness. I also wanted to play up my boobs while distracting from my wide hips.  I was leaning toward  a tankini, because the bikini bottom makes it easier to pee in public restrooms, while the longer top covers the tummy, but can be rolled up for tanning. You'll have your own criteria. 
• If you have no idea what styles look best for your figure, do some online research.
• Wear appropriate attire. I recommend you wear tiny undies - stuffing my boyshort briefs into bikini bottoms was not fun - big jewelry, and beachy shoes with a heel (shove 'em in your purse if it's not sandal weather.)

My pick: La Blanca Tankini
Image via Lord and Taylor

At the Mall:

• Find a store with a pleasing environment and a BIG selection of swimsuits. You need lots of options! I had found some suits I liked on Bloomingdale's website, but their in-store selection was disappointingly thin. Macy's had a huge assortment, but the department was messy, loud and chaotic - and seemed geared to 13 year-olds. I ended up at Lord &Taylor, which had a nice selection of chic styles and large, clean dressing rooms.
• Plan to try on many, many suits. Grab anything that you think might meet your criteria in a size at least one size bigger than your dress size. If you are normally an 8, start with a 10 and go from there. If you're trying on separates, you may need to mix and match. My bottom is a size bigger than my top!

In the Dressing Room

• Trust me on this - do not look in the mirror until the suit is fully on! Watching yourself squirm into a suit in bad lighting is not good for your self image. 
• Go easy on yourself. You are bound to try some suits that look simply terrible. I tried on a Miraclesuit that sucked in my waist like a corset, but squished my boobs as well. The last time I saw my breasts that flat, I was getting a mammogram. Remember - if you look awful, it's the suit's fault, not yours. 
• As you try everything on, be honest about what styles really flatter you, and readjust. For example, I thought I wanted a strapless bandeau or halter top, but those suits didn't give the lift my bust requires  to look perky. Well... perky-ish.
• When you find a suit that looks good, hang it on the "yes" hook and finish trying the others. If it's still one of your favorites, try it on a final time and examine yourself from every angle. Get really critical. Is it the best color for you? Can you swim in it? Is it gaping or pulling? Are you sure you don't need a different size? Then, If you still like the suit, buy it immediately and don't look back.

My Suit!

• I found I liked tops with sewn-in cups (without those little cup liners that are always sliding around) and wide, uplifting straps. I also developed a passion for ruching, because the gathered material covers a lot of lumps and bumps.
• In the end, I bought the red shirred La Blanca Tankini pictured above. The top cost $97 (ouch) and the bottoms $39 for a total of $136 plus tax.  It's not the sexiest, flashiest suit, but it's cute, it fits well, and I think I'll feel comfortable wearing it poolside with my 45 new best friends. After a couple stong margaritas, that is.

Are you going doing some swimsuit shopping this Spring? I'd love to hear about your experience and the suit you score!

And now, Sh!t Middle Aged Women Say

Oh, yes we did. Piggybacking on the internet trend of the moment, my Succulent Wife pals and I bring you this silly video. Grab your readers and some Activia and enjoy!

3 Reasons I'm Excited for Superbowl Sunday

I'm not a big football fan, but I'm looking forward to the Superbowl as much as anybody, and here's why.

Yum, Velveeta & Ro-tel Dip!
Image via Ro-tel

1.  Ro-tel Queso Dip

Ordinarily, I do not eat Velveeta cheese. Any dairy product that can sit on a supermarket shelf for six months can't be good for you. But on Superbowl Sunday, nothing is yummier than a cut up brick of Velveeta mixed with a can of Rotel and melted in the microwave to form a warm, spicy bowl of luscious goop. It's a perfect dip for Fritos or Tostitos or spooned directly into the mouth. I could roll in it like a dog.

2. Tom Brady is hot!

I'm sorry, Eli Manning, I'm sure you have a much better personality, but Patriots QB Tom Brady possesses a superhuman gorgeousness that can't be denied. And he's 34, old enough to be within my Cougar range without getting icky, so I can crush on him guilt-free (see calculation below.)

Tom Brady, image via Wikipedia

Cougar rule of thumb: divide your age in half and add seven years. 

For me, that's: 48/2 = 24, + 7= 31. 

According to this rule, any man over 31 is fair game. I'm not looking for a relationship, just a way too amuse myself over the course of a long game when I don't care who wins. Hey wait, the Giants Manning is exactly 31; I can check him out too. Score!


3. Madonna's Half Time Show

My girl Madonna
 image via Wikipedia

Of course I'm excited Madonna is performing at half time - she and I have so much in common. We're both women over 40, we both grew up in Michigan, we both went to the University of Michigan. I do community theatre, she's one of the most influential pop stars on the planet. We're practically twins. I can't wait to see her rock out in front of one of the biggest TV audiences in the world. Whether you love her or hate her, Madonna is a great example of how women can be fierce and fascinating at any age.

Here's what's rumored to be her set list:  Gimmie All Your Luvin (new), Ray of Light, Vogue, Music and Holiday.


What are you looking forward to this Sunday? Please share here!

A chat with a famed Sexpert - Dr. Laura Berman

Dr. Laura Berman
image via MakeitBetter.net

How can women boost their own desire so they feel like having sex more often? Is it okay for your kids to know you and your mate are having some time alone? What's something you can do to make Valentine's Day more sexy?

Famous sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman answers these questions and more  in  my interview for Make it Better.  Here's an excerpt, but follow the link for the full piece, which includes a video of our conversation.

Part of the problem for parents is that it’s hard to escape their kids. Do you think it’s bad for kids to know their parents are having “private time”?
Absolutely not. I think the opposite. You’re the model of what a loving, intimate relationship looks like. Obviously children do not need to know the details of your sex life or see you having sex—that’s why you always put a lock on the door. But for them to know that you guys have special private time—you can even set a timer or say “after this cartoon Mommy and Daddy will be right back” —I think that’s a really important message to give your kids about what to expect in their own loving relationships. 


Full interview at my colomn, Sex & The Suburbs, MakeitBetter.net

Just Do It

When you work from home you've got to be self motivated. The picture at left is of my office door. I've been trying to transform this room into a more productive, inspiring space - an incubator of creativity and productivity and organization. Thus the new vibrant green paint job and the big message to myself on the wall.

I'm a person with a lot of ideas and plans and lists, but I often have trouble getting started. I can prepare to begin something for hours.

 But, as Amelia Earhart so wisely said,
"The most effect way to do it, is to do it." 

Starting a new project or effort is like plunging into a cold pool - you know it's gonna hurt at first. But to get into the swim of things, you've got to get wet. So enough of this dipping my toe in the water.  It's time to BEGIN my day.

A Nonlinear look at Friendships

There was an insightful article about navigating changing friendships in this weekend's New York Times by Alex Williams titled, It's Not Me, It's You.  One of the concepts he discusses is linear versus nonlinear friendships.

Linear friendships are based on a deep lasting connection. Nonlinear friendships are based on a shared experience, like a job or a certain stage of life, and aren't as likely to endure when those circumstances change.

It made me realize how my friendships have changed over the years. When my kids were small I had a wide circle of friends who also had small children. Being a stay at home mom was a lonely job and hanging out with other women in the same situation was a lifeline. Outings like apple picking or heading to the park were a lot more fun when there was another mom around to chat with, haul strollers, and watch the kids while you ran to the bathroom. Back then I orchestrated my children's social lives around the moms I liked to hang out with.

When my kids were in grade school, I socialized with women I volunteered with, or carpooled with, or whose kids played on my kids' sports teams.

Women's friendships go through changes
Image via ABC, Desperate Housewives

But now that Nick and Emma are in high school, I've lost the day-to-day contact with many of those pals. As my kids' world has expanded and my involvement in their school and social life has diminished, my circle of friendships has pared down too.

I still like these women! But we're just not in each other's lives as much anymore, unless we make an effort to get together. And that takes, well, effort. I guess that means we're nonlinear friends.

The plus side is that, while my immediate circle may be smaller, my friendships are more fulfilling now, because I spend time with the people that really mean something to me (i.e. my linear friends) and my new non-linear friendships are based on my activities - writing, theater, tennis, etc - instead of my kids' activities.

But maybe I've let a few linear friendships slip into nonlinear mode without meaning to. Friendships do evolve over time, it's only natural, but they also take time and energy to maintain.

So what does this all mean?

I don't know if this is the complete answer but  - I feel a girls night coming on!

3 Great make-up tips for women like us!

Today, let's talk make-up. We've been wearing it for decades, but do we really know the right way to apply it to look bright, refreshed and natural? Well, I didn't, until awesome make-up artist Sylvi Davidson (who also is co-owner of Enamour Photograpy) showed me the techniques demonstrated in the short video, below, which include:

1. The right way to curl your eyelashes and apply mascara.
2. How to "tightline" your eyes to add definition without looking made-up.
3. The importance of a groomed, defined brow to our overall appearance (especially as we get a little older.)

 So check it out and feel free to share any comments or tips of your own.



Special thanks to my friend Kimberly for being our lovely model. More make-up advice from Sylvi is still to come, so please visit here again soon.

My $170 boob job

Changing boobs and shapewear are not new topics here on Forty Fabulous, but this is a fresh find. Last Christmas, Liam presented me with a beautiful La Perla bra (just like the one pictured) and boy short panties. Very tasteful and expensive, but kind of awkward to open in front of our two teenagers.

Oh well.

Over the last year, I have donned my La Perla lingerie for, ahem, special evening occasions, but I've never been able to treat it like everyday underwear until yesterday's laundry crisis, and oh the joy! This bra was miraculous! As I pumped gas, ran errands, did the dishes, I marveled at my transformed bust. My boobs were so happy nestled in the shaping, luxurious cups. They were lifted and full and youthful and round; they curved together with a hint of cleavage.

"Look!" I gushed to Liam, preening in my v-necked sweater. "Look at what this bra does for my chest! It's amazing! How much did this thing cost anyway?"

Apparently about $170. Whoa. That's at least four times what I pay for a bra. But I have to say, yesterday my tits looked at least four times better than usual. I'm definitely gonna get some more wear out of this baby.

Move to Chicago, Demi and Heather, you'll be happier here

Accepting the changes that come with aging isn't easy for any woman, but it must really stink if you're a beautiful, middle-aged actress living in Hollywood. Imagine the pressure to stay thin and unlined and luscious when you've built your whole career on that image and live in a society that values little else.

Moore in 2010
Image via Wikipedia

Take Demi Moore, 49, for example. I've admired Demi since her days as husky-voiced ace reporter Jackie Templeton on General Hospital in the early 80s and I've been truly saddened to watch her recent struggles in the media.  Her marriage to much younger husband Ashton Kutcher has collapsed and, amid rumors of drug abuse and speculation on her very gaunt frame, Demi was hospitalized this week. I don't know what her problems are, but whether it's heartache, exhaustion, addiction or illness, I don't need a doctor's diagnoses to see something's wrong. Even dressed to the nines on the red carpet, she looks like she's in pain.

And she's not the only middle aged Hollywood star suffering. Blonde, blue-eyed, vixen Heather Locklear, 50, of Melrose Place fame was also hospitalized earlier this month. Apparently Heather has struggled with drugs and alcohol for years and is now "under a doctor's care" as she seeks recovery.  She and long-term love Jack Wagner (who I also adored on GH) called off their engagement in November.

Demi and Heather aren't dimwitted starlets trying to break into the business; they're intelligent women, established professionals, and mothers. They're about my age, for god's sake! But I'm not judging them, I'm judging the system that makes these women feel like failures if their knees begin to sag or their lips begin to thin. Both women have invested a great deal of effort into maintaining a youthful appearance, but in Hollywood, when gorgeous 20-somethings regularly nip and tuck, how can a 50-year old woman compete? No wonder they're turning to mind-numbing substances. The mere thought of being judged by my flabby stomach or jiggly thighs makes me feel like throwing back a couple kamikazes right now, and it's only 11am.

But luckily, I live in Chicago, a land that is much kinder and gentler to middle aged women. Why? Because first of all, because we have our values straight. In the Midwest, we like keeping it real - and that means a woman's intellect, humor and generosity are as important to her appeal as a firm ass. Secondly, our weather stinks for at least seven months of the year so everybody spends a lot of time covered up in boots, jeans, sweaters, and jackets. Women over 40 can look every bit as good as our younger counterparts when we're not being constantly evaluated in our bikinis. Finally, Chicagoans are foodies and take pleasure in eating - a little meat on our bones as a result is no big deal.

I'd like to invite all the unappreciated, angst-ridden, aging actresses out in LA to take a stand. Move to Chicago! We have an abundant theatre, arts and music scene so you'll get work. Not to mention you'll love it here. Rosie O'Donnell does.

"As a New Yorker, who was born and raised in New York and lived in Los Angeles for 10 years, I never imagined living anywhere else. But I could totally see myself living here. It’s very relaxing and family-oriented. It’s unlike any place I’ve ever been.”  Chicago Tribune, 12/11/11

The Meaning of Coincidences

I'm sure I saw a
Great Horned Owl
Image via wikipedia

Happy New Year my Forty Fabulous friends! I am so excited about what 2012 will bring. And you know why? Because a few days ago, for the first time in my life, I saw a wild owl.

As I drove home through the neighborhood, the huge bird swooped showily through my headlights, as if demanding my attention. It flew up to a gabled rooftop, and perched there calmly, as owls do, with it's distinctive tufts pointing to the moon. I stopped the car, rolled down my window and called up to it.

"Well, look at you."

The owl didn't respond. But just like the birds in the Harry Potter books, I think it had a message for me. Check out my conversation with my wise friend  Carol Moss about why this owl sighting was no coincidence.



You've probably experienced some uncanny coincidences in your own life. Or maybe you think this is all a bunch of bird poop. Either way, I'd love to your thoughts!