Feel Better About Your Body in 5 Minutes

Stand up straight, gorgeous!

We talked a lot about body image at my last Sex & the Suburbs show at the Wilmette Theatre. Often women allow feeling badly about their bodies - too jiggly, too old, too flawed - to prevent them from enjoying sex and all kinds of physical pleasure. Well, screw that! Here are three things you can do in the next five minutes to feel better about your body, just the way it is.

1. Move to Music.
One of the most fun things to do with your body is to dance it! It's a physical celebration of being alive and there's no way you can feel bad when you're grooving. Put on your favorite song and shake, shimmy, stretch and bend for three minutes. I'm loving this Bruno Mars tune. Hit play and get your dance on.

Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven - www.SongsLover.pk

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2. Stand up Straight
Stop slumping over your keyboard or smart phone (caught you, didn't I?). Throw back your shoulders, suck in your tummy, and lift your chin. Not only does this move immediately make you feel stronger and more confident, it makes you look five pounds thinner, as my personal trainer friend Sharon Davis demonstrates in seconds, below. It's quite a transformation.



3. Talk Yourself Up
Put a halt to the undermining negative self-talk with this one-minute exercise. With your new perfect posture, saunter over to the mirror, look your reflection in the eye, and give yourself an extravagant compliment. Make it something you'd love to hear about your appearance. Something like this:

• You're the most gorgeous, luscious babe on the face of the earth.
• You are strong, you are beautiful, you are freaking awesome!
• Damn, you are one sexy, hot, ripe-peach mama!
• You are looking perfectly, radiantly, deliciously you.

Say it three times to yourself, loud and proud. Feels good right? Words have power and using positive affirmations like these creates a forcefield against all the negativity we are bombarded with each day. 

Okay, the five minutes are up! Now go forth and conquer with your brilliant brain, your bodacious bod, and your courageous heart. The world needs women who feel good about themselves and are willing to play big.

Want more feel-good suggestions? Read my column  - How to Feel Your Most Sexy Self.

Your best body is the one you've got right now

Since I'm writing about body issues this month, I just have to share this story.

When I went to New York City with my Mom and Aunt Mary, I knew people would mistake me for one of their sisters.  It happened the last time we travelled together and we do look alike. I vowed not to let it bother me - even though I'm of a completely different generation.

Mary, Jane and Marjie in NYC.
It was John Lennon's birthday too.

Sure enough, as we stepped into the elevator at the Lucerne Hotel on 79th and Amsterdam, an orange-haired woman examined our faces and pronounced, "You girls must be sisters."

"We are!" trilled my mother, Jane, delightedly. Since we were celebrating her 70th birthday, I just shrugged and smiled.

Other than the minor blow to my ego, our trip was hugely fun. We went to the Top of the Rock, toured the magnificent MoMA, and took a ferry out to Ellis Island. The weather over Columbus Day was gorgeous and the tourist attractions were packed. It took forever to get through the security checks because both Mary and Jane's hip replacements set off the metal detectors and they had to be scanned individually by a wand-wielding security guard.

"Just enjoy this time," advised Jane, as I stood waiting impatiently. "When you get your hip replaced, you'll have to do this too."

My hips are fine, I huffed to myself. Just because I'm related to you chicks doesn't mean I'm destined for orthopedic surgery. To prove my point, I stalked through Ellis Island like a lioness, reveling in the supple glide of my natural hip sockets.

We retreated to our suite at the Lucerne to relax before dinner and, as I uncorked a bottle of chardonnay, I could hear peals of  laughter and snorts coming from the bedroom. My mom and aunt were cracking each other up as they commiserated about their aches and pains. I stomped to the bedroom door.

"Oh come on," I said, exasperated. "It can't be that bad. Surely some things must get better with age! Tell me about them."

They thought hard.

"Well, you don't have to shave very often," offered Jane.

"At least not your body," said Mary, chortling. "And your underwear stays cleaner."

"Don't say that!" shrieked my mother. And off they went again, howling with laughter. They were having such a good time, I couldn't help but join in with a giggle and a snort or two myself (must be a family trait.)

That New York City weekend with my mom and aunt was like a time-warped look in the mirror; a familial peek into my future 20 years from now. If I'm like Jane and Mary, I might end up with artificial joints, sore feet, and a random whisker or two. But if I inherit their sense of humor, I'm sure I'll enjoy life to the fullest.

In the meantime, I'm going to appreciate everything I can about the body I've got now. I may not be young or thin, I may have high cholesterol - but I can do anything! I can do a cartwheel and dance and play three sets of tennis and run up stairs and wear high heels.

And most importantly, my hips and I sail right through airport security, baby.


Note: This isn't the first time I've written about Jane & Mary. Click here to read their words of wisdom about life in post I wrote three years ago.

Crossing over to the Dark Side

I did something impulsive this morning. I dyed my hair back to its natural color. Well, I think it's my natural color. I've been highlighting my hair for most of my adult life, so I can't really be sure.

The problem with highlights, aside from the expense and time at the salon, is that they bleach out in the sun. Over the summer, some of my professionally applied streaks had actually turned white.  It looked weird and unnatural. Yesterday, I looked in the mirror and wondered how I'd turned into an over-processed blonde chick, when I identify so strongly as a brunette.

Before: Me on Saturday

So, today, I picked up a box of L'Oreal Excellence to Go at Walgreens and, voila! Ten minutes and ten bucks later, this is the new me.

Hmmm. 

After: This morning after my $10 in home treatment

I'm not sure if it's an improvement or not, but sometimes, change - any change - is a good thing. I'm going to use my new, natural-ish hair color to embrace my dark side. I'm not just perky and polite, you know. I'm deep. I'm tortured. I can be a bad, bad girl.

Yes, I have to fold the laundry, water the plants and write three thank you notes. But after that, man, I am going to go fucking crazy.

Now, all I need is a Thelma to ride shotgun.

Francesca's photos - 'Oh my god, that's me?'

This is the second part of a series about Francesca's boudoir photography experience. To read Part 1, click here or scroll down.

When Francesca, 44, went to view her photos from her Enamour shoot, she felt like a movie star at a screening.

"I was giggling and nervous about what I was going to see," she said, "but there were so many great shots to choose from. Some of them put a huge smile on my face. I had never, ever felt that way about myself. I was mesmerized, thinking -oh my god, that's me?"

The shoot itself had been a treat, mostly because co-owners Gina and Sylvi made her so feel so comfortable.

"It was a blast! I was the center of attention and Gina and Sylvi put me totally at ease. We laughed a lot." Francesca continued, "I'm not a model, but they selected poses that were very natural and easy for me to do. I felt like I was this magnificent beauty."

Now that Francesca has seen the pictures (some of her favorites are shown here ) she can't wait to hang them on her wall at home.

"The photos captured a part of me that I don't see in myself - confident and beautiful. Now, when I look at them they'll be a reminder."

She's also excited for her husband to see the pics. "He always tells me that I'm beautiful, but when I feel that way.... I can't wait!"

Maybe there's a side of you that's itching to be explored. Enamour packages start at $450. For more information- or just for fun - visit their website at www.enamourphotography.com.

Enamour's Gina Sanders & Sylvi Davidson

Picture this: the hot model in the glossy photo is YOU

Look through your photo albums or files. Do you like the way you look? How many of your pictures portray you at your best - as radiant, confident, sexy and gorgeous?

Not many I bet. In fact, I bet you're hardly in many of them, because we women are often the ones taking the pictures of everybody else.

Yeah, the kids look cute and the scenery is beautiful. But don't we deserve to have some pictures of ourselves where we aren't squinting into the wind, serving up birthday cake, or wearing a clown costume?

 Francesca relaxes as Sylvi applies her make up.

We're surrounded with images of beautiful, sultry women like Jenifer Aniston, Christina Hendricks, and Halle Berry. But even for those lovely actresses, flattering photographs take effort. They've been professionally made up, lit, posed, and retouched.

Here on the North Shore, you can get some of that star treatment for yourself.  Sylvi Davidson and Gina Sanders of Enamour Photography in Highland Park are devoted to bringing out the inner and outer beauty of regular chicks like us and capturing it on film. Women of all ages, sizes and stages come to them for an intimate photo session designed to showcase and celebrate their unique beauty.

I had the opportunity to join them as they prepped Francesca, a 44 year-old wife and mom, for her Enamour experience.

Francesca was hesitant about doing what's known as a "boudoir photography" session at first, but she's had a tough year. Work, parenting and helping a family member through an illness had left her exhausted and stressed out.

"I'd like to do something special and intimate for myself," she said, "To remind me of who I am."

Francesca was a bit nervous about posing provocatively. "I'm worried that I might look or feel silly," she said. "But I know Gina and Sylvi will make me feel comfortable."

Gina tests the lighting for the shoot.

That's for sure.  Gina, Enamour's photographer, and creative director/make-up artist Sylvi are incredibly nurturing, positive and passionate about their work. Their goal for a shoot is to create a safe haven where their client can relax and celebrate herself.

"We make our client the center of attention - and she loves it," said Sylvi.

"We help her see all the little parts of herself that are beautiful," added Gina. "Women on the North Shore are very critical of their appearance. Here, they are lifted up, not put down."

The experience can be powerful and transforming. Many women, when they first see their portfolio and how sensuous and plain hot they look, burst into tears.

 "They've never seen themselves this way before," said Sylvi. "This is girl therapy."

Francesca was hopeful she'd feel the same way. "I feel like I look good," she said, "but I'm not that confident. I'd like to push the boundaries today. I  hope to discover something deeper about my inner self. And, I'd like to have fun!"

I didn't stay for the shoot itself, but the lead-up was nothing but fun. Sylvi applied gorgeous, dramatic make-up to Francesca, and she and Gina helped Francesca select a variety of sexy (but tasteful) outfits to pose in. While some Enamour clients do choose to pose in the nude, that wasn't Francesca's plan. Her shoot was going to be in the style of old Hollywood glamour.

"I hope I look fabulous," she said, beginning to get excited. "I'd like to have a couple nice pieces to share with my daughter one day, to show her you can be beautiful inside and out at any age."

Of course, Francesca's husband is looking forward to seeing the photographs too. Check back in a few days to see the results of Francesca's shoot as we share some of her favorite shots here.

For more information about Enamour, visit their website at www.enamourphotography.com.

Advice to my 24-Year-Old Self

I've been keeping a journal since I was fifteen years old and I still have every volume. This morning I leafed through my journal from 1987. Ugh. I had just ditched my boyfriend and well-paying corporate job to move to Chicago and start over. While I searched for a job, I lived in a tiny studio apartment near the lake.

I was lucky to have some good friends in Chicago, but it was still an unsettling time for me. Reading through my journal entries, I can see now that I was insecure. I was lonely. Oh, I have to face it - I was an idiot. Why did I waste so much time obsessing about things that have turned out to be completely unimportant? I wish I could go back and give my 24-year-old self a few sound pieces of advice.

If I could sit myself down over cocktails, here's what I'd tell me:

Shut up, you look great!  Stop being so critical of your appearance.   You're not fat and you're not ugly; you're young and gorgeous. Embrace who you are and stop comparing yourself to other people. Don't take your perky breasts, tiny waist, smooth complexion and bright smile for granted. Give yourself permission to celebrate your body and the unique way you look.

Leave those old boyfriends in the past. You broke up with them for a reason; now let them go. So you haven't found anyone new in Chicago - that doesn't mean you can reel your former lovers back in whenever you need an ego fix. Let those guys get on with their lives and stop depending on them to make you feel good. Move on.

You will not end up alone. Honey, you are just getting started. You're not supposed to have everything all figured out right now. There are a lot of places to go and people to meet, including a charming Irishman who hasn't even set foot on American soil yet.  Relax, enjoy the freedom of being single, and spend some time getting to know you. A lot is still going to happen.

If my younger self were still paying attention, I'd advise me never to perm my hair, wear stirrup pants, or do shots of Jagermeister. I'd also urge me to save more money, visit my grandmother, and join a gym. But by then, my 24-year-old self would be heartily sick of being lectured by some middle-aged shrew and would have slipped off the barstool and out the door to flag down the nearest taxi.

I know there's no rewriting the past. The only self I can influence is the one who is 45 years old, sitting right here and now. Perhaps I'd better focus on the advice that she needs to hear. Anybody got any pearls of wisdom? It's a topic we'll explore next time.