My Review of Hot Flash Havoc

Until recently, I never wanted to discuss menopause. When girlfriends brought up the subject, I'd actually shudder. "Keep your voice down," I'd hiss. "People will think we're old." Then I'd recoil as if my friend had a communicable disease. I sure as hell didn't want to catch it.

But after a year of hot flashes, night sweats, sleep problems and moodiness, now I'm the one talking about menopause.

I'm so glad my friends at The Succulent Wife asked me to review the film, Hot Flash Havoc. It's a comprehensive, entertaining guide to the facts and myths regarding this completely natural time of life and it's a must see for every woman over 35. I was surprised by how misinformed I've been.

Check out my complete review and how the film helped me make a "change" that's made me feel Forty Fabulous once again.

Forget Timberlake, it's Older Women Bringing Sexy Back

 I'm reading an encouraging little book called The Secret Pleasures of Menopause by Dr. Christiane Northrup that has cheered me up about getting older. According to this prominent OB/Gyn and recent research, we women have a lot to look forward to between the sheets in middle age and beyond!

 Here are a couple excerpts from the book I'd like to pass on:

"The first idea you need to cast aside is the cultural myth that sex drive inevitably decreases after menopause. This simply is not true. The latest research shows that women in their 60s and 70's have the best sex of their lives."

According to a 2007 survey of 3000 men and women aged 57-85, "not only were most of those surveyed still sexually active, but the average frequency of sex was 2-3 times per month - the same frequency that younger adults report."

"Women aged 55 and older enjoy sex more and put more thought and effort into their sex lives than women the same age a decade ago. ... The researchers explain the difference in this way: Women who've reached midlife and beyond feel younger, are more open about their sexual needs, and are more interested in health."

Also, the study showed that a robust sex life has "less to do with how old you are and more to do with how healthy you are."

It's no secret that sex and health have a reciprocal relationship - the better you feel, the more sex you have and the more sex you have, the better you feel. The very good news is that age doesn't affect this equation.

So to celebrate, I'll propose a toast - To your health!

Crazy in Your 40s? Honey, you're as normal as Pie

video image from amazon.com

The best-selling book, Yes, Your Teen is Crazy, explains that during adolescence, teenagers go through a volatile, hormone-driven period of bona fide mental instability. And you know what? Women in their forties do too.

During the years before menopause, estrogen levels can fluctuate wildly, resulting in mood swings, insomnia, forgetfulness, hot flashes, weight gain, and general freaking out. And even though the changes are perfectly normal, it's no fun feeling like you're going nuts.

You need to know about this phase, my Forty Fabulous friends, because it may affect you much sooner than you think. Thanks to more stressful lifestyles, symptoms are hitting women earlier than they did in our mothers' day.

"It used to be that a reliable guide to when you might expect menopause is when your mother experienced it. But the mothers of today's groundbreaking women knew nothing like the level of workplace stress and environmental toxins we live with today." Gail Sheehy, The Silent Passage.

In fact, many women start experiencing these symptoms in their early forties - even while they continue to have regular periods. I'm well down the path. In the last year I've had times of feeling weirdly at odds with my body. It's unpredictably hot, or bitchy, or tired, or horny, or bloated, or pumped up. I feel like I'm in hurricane season; constantly waiting for a storm to hit.

For women who don't know what to expect, it can be not only confusing, it can be depressing. In fact, Sheehy found in her extensive research, that on average, women reported the poorest sense of well-being at age 47 (exactly my age when I started talking about this midlife crisis.) The hormonal stuff is disconcerting enough, but when combined with the big changes that come at this time of life - kids leaving home, parents becoming more dependent, marriages being renegotiated - it's no wonder that women in their late forties feel stressed out.

The good news is that that the downer is only temporary. Sheehy found that women rebound in their fifties, and have the highest sense of well being compared to any other stage of their lives at age fifty-three!

"A profound change in self-concept begins to register with rising exhilaration for many women as they move into their fifties," Sheehy writes. "They often break the seal on repressed angers. They overcome the habits of trying to be perfect and of needing to make everyone love them." 

Yippie! Look, I have no desire to become the menopause poster child, but I do think this topic is unnecessarily taboo. No one wants to admit to experiencing these changes; just mention the word and watch your girlfriends shudder in revulsion. I think we're afraid that  going through menopause means crossing over to irrelevancy and cronedom.

How comforting to know that our happiest, most exhilarating years are still ahead!

March Goal: Pay attention to what matters, whatever the hell that is

This looks like an awesome book.
Hope I find time to read it.

This year I'm creating my own midlife crisis. The big 5-0 is a couple years off and it's stirring up a lot of anxiety. I figure it's better to be proactive and have some fun with this phase of life rather than join a commune or run off with my personal trainer. So each month I'm dealing with a different theme. In January I came to terms with my changing body, February was about clearing out the clutter in my life to make room for the new me. This month, March, I'm going to tackle clearing out my mind. It's going to be a big effort, because I am so damn distracted all the time.


It doesn't help that the very place I work (my desk) is a Pandora's box of distraction.  I'll sit down to write and my phone rings, or I check my email and shoot off a few quick responses, then someone comments on my blog and I need to publish it, or I get sidetracked by cute kitty videos or Charlie Sheen's latest rants. Before I know it, an hour has gone by and I've forgotten what I was writing about to begin with. It's very upsetting. Sometimes I have such a hard time focusing I feel like I'm disabled.


I'm not alone. This multitasking and constant interruption has become a national epidemic. In her book, Distracted, Maggie Jackson writes:

Nearly a third of workers say they’re too busy and interrupted to process or reflect on the work they do, according to the Families and Work Institute. High levels of interruptions also are related to stress, frustration, even lowered creativity, studies from Harvard Business School and the University of California/Irvine show. Intriguingly, people who multitask most often are less able to focus on what’s important than those who multitask rarely, one new study shows. The veteran jugglers are “suckers for irrelevancy,” according to Stanford’s Clifford Nass.

The loss of creativity and being a "sucker for irrelevancy" resonates with me. Technology is a powerful, amazing resource, but it can also be a seductive outlet for our weaknesses in character. I can procrastinate like a pro in the name of researching an article. But I can't just blame Google. My lack of concentration also has something to do with my hormones. 

Lately I've had trouble sleeping - I wake drenched in sweat or my mind starts mind racing with all the things I have to do the next day. In the morning I'm cranky and exhausted which all affects my ability to focus. According to the Wall Street Journal, for women my age, the likely cause of these symptoms is the lead-up to menopause.

One of the first things to go is often a good night's sleep. That alone would make someone edgy, irritable and exhausted. But then come heart palpitations, difficulty recalling familiar words, loss of sex drive, mood swings and anxiety.

Women who encounter these symptoms in their 30s and 40s are often prescribed sleeping pills, tranquilizers, anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications.

Yet all of these symptoms and more—migraines, joint and muscle pain, dry skin, thinning hair, weight gain and digestive problems—can be due to fluctuating levels of the hormones estrogen and progesterone that start as many as 10 years before menopause. - Melinda Beck, Wall Street Journal 10/12/10

Oh great, I've got all that to look forward to as well? Well screw it. Whether the cause of my mental skittishness is technology, biology or a character flaw, I've had enough! This month I'm going to do what I can to get quiet, go inward, and focus on what really matters to me - once I figure out what that is.

Frankly, I don't exactly know how I'll proceed on this quest - I checked out a stack of books from the library that I'm eager to delve into. But here are my first steps.

1. Limit time on the computer. I will write, I will check email, I will sign off. No surfing, gawking, or idle investigations.

2. No TV. My habit is to tune out in front of the TV around 8 or 9pm. I'm so tired (from my lack of sleep) it's about all I have energy for. But most of what I watch is drivel. No TV in March. NONE.

3. No News. My morning ritual is coffee and the Tribune. This morning I read about a man who froze to death in his own home, and I can't get over it. I think it's important as a writer and a citizen to be informed of what's going on in the world, but in a month where I'm trying to get quiet and focused, it has to go.

I'm eager to hear if any of you are suffering from the same trouble with concentration, and especially your recommendations about how to deal with it.

But for now, my post is written and I'm outta here.

The M Word

Over the winter I had dinner with an old college friend, Nancy. I hadn't seen her in years and we couldn't talk fast enough, trying to catch up.  Amid all the news of kids, jobs, and husbands, Nancy matter-of-factly dropped this bomb.

"Oh, and I'm completely post-menopausal," she said. "I haven't had a period in two years."

Really? I was shocked. Nancy is 47, my age. Isn't all the menopause stuff supposed to happen when we're much older, like in our 50s?

Apparently  not. Because for the last month I've been having hot flashes. Constantly. When I'm driving the car, playing tennis, typing at my computer, making dinner, talking on the phone, walking my dog. All the freaking time.

It's the strangest sensation. Without warning, a wave of heat will well up and build in intensity before it bursts out of me, leaving me flushed and damp with perspiration. It's unsettling, especially at night, when it morphs into the "night sweats" and wakes me up. I lie there, anxious and clammy, enviously listening to my husband's deep breathing.

After a couple weeks of this, I made an appointment to see my gynecologist.

"Do you think I have a thyroid problem?" I asked her, hopefully, after describing my symptoms.

"It's possible but .... female, late 40s, irregular periods," she shrugged. "Most times, when you hear hoofbeats, you have to assume it's a horse."

I tried not to whine.

"I'm not ready for this. I can't sleep, I'm cranky, and I have this deep feeling of unease."


My doctor nodded sympathetically. "Yep, that's it, all right. It's awful, but you'll get through it."

This was not what I expected. I was hoping she'd reveal to me the secret power of menopause - how it leads to enlightenment, freedom, and the development of my true womanly-ness. Sitting on that examination table, huddled in my paper gown, I did not feel one bit forty fabulous. Shit.

My doctor said my symptoms could go away or continue for several years. The average age of menopause, officially defined when a woman hasn't had her period for a year, is 51. She discussed how taking hormones or even anti-depressants could cure me of hot flashes, but I'm not ready to go there.

Instead, I've put myself on a course of herbal remedies and positive visualization. Here are a couple thoughts that are helping me cope.

I'm a hot flash hottie!
Menopause means the end of reproductivity, not sexuality. Many women find greater satisfaction and closeness with their partner after all that child-bearing stuff is out of the way. I'm looking at each hot flash as a reminder that I am one smoking hot babe. Wait, here comes one now. Excuse me while I wipe the drops of sweat off my keyboard.

Let the creative juices flow!
There's a lot of ancient lore and modern day evidence that going through the "change of life" really amps up a woman's creativity. According to the experts at gynob.com,

Many women feel more creative as they enter menopause. They report having flashes of deep creativity and insight. They begin to look at the world in a different way and to see their relationship to it differently. They also feel more independent and more grounded in the present. 

When I turned 40 I felt like I was entering the the most creative, confident, exciting time of my life and I  feel the same way today. Women over 40 may be grown-ups, but that doesn't mean we've stop growing - and if that means suffering a few hot flashes along the way, bring it on!