Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Squirrel Theory Dictates: OK to Plump Up

Some years ago, as an undergraduate at the University of Michigan, I developed an important scientific theory based on my study of squirrels. Ann Arbor has a huge population of fox squirrels, which are larger and spend more time on the ground than other types of squirrels, so they were easy to observe.

Here are the basic tenants of my theory. The fact that I was a business major and had absolutely no scientific training does not make my theory any less irrefutable. I took a predicate logic class, so I know what I'm doing here, okay? 

Marjie's Incontrovertible Squirrel Theory
  1. Squirrels are cute.
  2. Chubby squirrels are very cute.
  3. Squirrels get chubby for the winter.
  4. I get chubby for the winter.
  5. It is winter.
  6. Therefore, I am very cute.
It's only mid-January, but it has already been a long, hard winter here in Chicago. The only way for me to feel warm is to have a full belly.  I can't get enough lasagna, creamy soup or hot chocolate. As for exercise, I haven't moved from the fire since Thanksgiving. But I'm not worried about the extra pounds I've packed on. Based on my squirrel theory, I know I'm cuter than ever.

There is now a Squirrel Club at the University of Michigan. You can check out their website (and pictures of some very chubby squirrels) at:  www.michigansquirrels.com.

3 comments:

Heidi said...

Love it Marjie! I do feel your exhaustively complete research makes you an expert on the similarities between humans and rodents. Aren't squirrels also characterized as gnawing and nibbling little creatures? Liam watch out!

Marjie Killeen said...

Yes, Liam better watch out and not make any disparaging comments about my squirrely pounds or I'll leave him for Gerard Butler (see below)!

Meg said...

Your theory is SOUND! In fact, I too have gotten chubby over the winter, and thanks to you and your squirrels I'm feeling cuter than ever. When my loved ones start worrying about getting through the long, dark midwestern winter, I always say, "Eat! And bake things! Or come over here eat my homebaked bread, slathered with butter and honey!" Cooking and eating is a handy way to pass time, like the serving of peanuts and soda on an airplane. It's a sure remedy for the winter blues and before you know it, it's Spring. (burp)