Saturday, June 4, 2011

Develop a Sex Habit in Your Marriage

June is habit month and to develop my writing habit, I've vowed to blog every day except for Sundays. Today the pressure is getting to me. It's almost 5 o'clock and it's Saturday night and my husband is taking me out for dinner. I've got 45 minutes to come up with something good and I don't have a damn thing to say about habits.

Or do I?

I write the Sex & the Suburbs column for Make it Better Magazine and in preparation for an article,  I'm reading a fascinating book called "Forty Beads - The Simple Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage." I'm excited to interview author Carolyn Evans. Her book is creating quite a buzz and she just appeared on the Today Show yesterday to discuss it.

The book describes a system that Carolyn improvised as a gift for her husband's 40th birthday. They'd been going through a bit of a rough patch in their marriage - busy with other things, disconnected from one another, she was getting bitchy, he was feeling resentful. (Honestly, what married couple hasn't gone through a time like this?)

Carolyn wanted to turn things around by giving her husband a birthday present that would make him really, really happy. She figured that the thing guys want more than anything is sex. But not just one mind-blowing night of sex. Men want an abundance of sex and, even more, they want to know that sex is coming their way in the future.

So, Carolyn gave her man a bag of 40 glass beads to be used like this:

1. When hubby wants sex, he places a bead in a bowl on her bedside table.
2. Wife redeems bead by having sex with hubby within 24 hour period.
3. Couple repeats until all beads have been presented.

That's it. Apparently this gift has made her husband deliriously happy and revitalized their marriage.  Carolyn has reaped all sorts of unexpected and delightful benefits herself and other women "beaders" who followed in her footsteps have been similarly delighted. It's not just the regular sex that has worked this magic - it's the anticipation, appreciation, and mutual agreement that accompanies it.

Wow. I haven't finished the book yet, but I'm already formulating my interview questions. It sounds so one-sided and transactional, and it must be anti-feminist, right?

But if it really works, well, hmmm.

I can't completely give away my article for Make it Better, but I'll give you a preview of my conversation with Carolyn after we talk next week. You can learn more for yourself at

And now, I'm off to enjoy my Saturday night!

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