Gone Fishing

I've been neglecting Forty Fabulous for the last few weeks and I think I'll keep it up for a while. I need to regroup and find the right balance of meaningful, fun material that will satisfy, entertain and enlighten both me and YOU, my dear readers. In June, when I attempted to write every day, I fizzled. I turned to my own experiences and opinions for material too often and frankly, I'm damn sick of myself!

So I'm taking a break and going off the grid. Let's just say I've gone fishing.

But, just like Arnold in the Terminator, I'll be back. And when I am, I'll do everything I can to get and hold your attention.

If I've covered anything you particularly enjoyed over the last three years, I'd sure appreciate hearing about it. In the meantime, enjoy your summer!

I've got a GILT-y Shopping Habit

Are you in the habit of shopping online? I'm in love with Gilt right now. Thursday, I was invited to a swanky Gilty Kids cocktail party at the Trump Tower's rooftop bar by my blogging brand ambassador friend Meredith Sinclair of hoo-dee-hoo.com fame. In addition to the yummy drinks and tantalizing appetizers, we guests were treated to a $100 Gilt gift certificate. So now I'm obsessed with finding the perfect object on which to blow my wad.

Yesterday I considered this Chan Luu bracelet for $110 (reg. $250)

Today I salivated over this Nanette Lepore handbag at $149 (reg. $295):

The deals are great and the designers delicious, but in the world of Gilt, if you snooze you lose, and now both of these coveted items are sold out. I can get on the waiting list, but something better might come along tomorrow. And I haven't even begun to explore the stuff for the home, or the gifts or the restaurants.

But I intend to use this gift card by the end of the week. I'll report back with my purchase!

Gilt Update as of 6/25! Here is what I bought with my gift card - a Berge Burgundy Ponyhair Belt for $95 (regularly $182.) I know it's not very summery, but I love the color, don't have anything like it, and can see myself wearing it ALL the time. It also comes in black and leopard. 

Undies Uncovered - Sexy Solutions for Women over 40

It's the first day of summer and it's time to lighten up with two lingerie product recommendations I've just got to share! These two little items are not only pretty, they're practical. And they're enthusiastically endorsed by real women over 40. Of course, every body is different, so make sure you try them on for yourself to ensure they work for you.

Image - Hankypanky.com

1. Hanky Panky Thong
I can hardly believe that I'm recommending a thong, because I professed my hatred of the torturous garments at length two years ago (Confessions of a Prude.) But now I've found Hanky Panky's Original Stretch Lace style. These one-size-fits-all panties are feminine and sexy, but more importantly, the rear strip is stretchy and wide enough that it lightly skims your backside with none of the the painful wedgie effects that make other thongs so friggin' uncomfortable.  The crotch panel stays in place too, without bunching or disappearing into the nether regions.  Too much information? Oh, just try them. Hanky Panky also makes lower-rise styles and petite and woman's sizes. Sexy, comfy and no panty lines -  what took me so long? Price: $18.

Image - Bloomingdales.com

2. The NuBra
I haven't tried this one myself, but this innovative garment was a big topic at a recent moms happy hour. Unlike other bras, the NuBra has no straps or fasteners. The supportive silicone cups stay in place by suction and a simple, cleavage-creating hook. With the NuBra, your boobs look (and feel) naturally smooth, shapely and perky! You can wear skimpy or sheer summer tops without worrying about ugly lines, sleazy straps, or the dreaded "nip slip."

My Fortyfabulous friend Coco* swears by it. The NuBra also has the added benefit of covering irregularities and areas dimpled by surgery. Follow this link to see a video of how the NuBra is applied. Fits A, B, and C cups. Price: $60.

After my recent discoveries, I suspect that there are a lot of other cool and useful lingerie products I've been missing out on. So please, if you've got any tips, share them here!

*Not her real name, but she's definitely a Coco to me

The Secret to Developing New Habits

Earlier this month I vowed to devote one hour a day to new, healthy, life-changing habits (see below). An hour of change per day seemed like a modest enough goal for a gal who's in the market for transformation. Nothing too taxing, lots of variety - achievable stuff designed to build my confidence that lasting change was indeed possible at this point in life.

10 mins - Quiet Contemplation
5 mins - Keep Food Journal 

15 mins -Tackle a Terrible Task 

25 mins- Vigorous exercise 

5 mins - Bedtime beauty routine (floss, skin care)

While I've made an effort in all the areas, after two weeks, the only new habit I've integrated on a daily basis is my 5 minute bedtime beauty routine - which basically is flossing my teeth and washing & moisturizing my face.  

My gums are pink and healthy and  I wake up with a fresh-faced glow, but  this is not exactly an earth-shattering achievement. But I'm also trying to think positively, so hey, at least I've developed one new daily habit! Whoo hoo!

Click for GH's tips to better
skin at night.

I'm certain the reason I've been successful with the new beauty routine is because it occurs at exactly the same point of my day - before bed. The other jobs are floating out there in whenever-land. 

This all goes back to the importance of managing your calendar, as my organizing guru, Colleen Collins Josellis taught me back in February. So, rather than beat myself up and abandon my goals, I'm going to  consider them mandatory and schedule them into my day. I hope that giving them a specific time slot will turn them into habits as rote as brushing my teeth or pouring a cup of coffee. I'll give you a progress report on how that's working for me at the end of the month.

In the meantime, for some real inspiration, check out this article written by my  friend, Christy Coughlin, called the 7 Secrets of Super Fit Women. These motivated chicks don't let anything stand in the way of their health and fitness goals. 

And if you find their routines too daunting, just remember me, dab on some eye cream and feel good about yourself!http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/beauty/skin/night-treatment

The Point of Staying in the Moment

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Buddha

As a latecomer to competitive sports, I'm amazed to discover how the lessons I learn on the tennis court apply to my entire life. Yesterday, I realized how important it is to stay focused on the moment. 

 (image via focustennisacademy.com.au)

My Park District team played against the Saddle & Cycle Club - a gorgeous old club tucked into the Edgewater Neighborhood of Chicago. Saddle and Cycle's courts are clay, which is good for me because I don't have a powerful game and the softer surface slows things down. Anyway, my partner Betsy and I were in a groove and quickly won the first set 6-1.

In the second set our opponents made some adjustments - they lobbed, poached, and attacked down the line. Suddenly we were down 2 - 0 and I got rattled. Instead of concentrating on hitting the ball, my mind started creating all sorts of possible scenarios; none of them good.

"If we lose this game, it will be so hard to come back to take the set."
"It's so embarrassing that we're losing! What will my teammates think?"
"They have the momentum now, we'll never get it back."
"I'm letting Betsy down!"
"I'm going to miss my dentist appointment if this goes three sets!"

My anxiety affected my play. I made errors, lost my serve - I actually swung at one ball and whiffed.

"Oh my God, I stink!" I moaned to myself.

Then, remembering the advice from Gallwey's book, The Inner Game of Tennis, I decided to pull it together. Forget about the score, I told myself. Forget about my record, my ranking, my teammates and all the various things that could go wrong in the match. Focus on this point, think about this ball.

"When we unlearn how to be judgmental, it is possible to achieve spontaneous, focused play."

W. Timothy Gallwey - The Inner Game of Tennis

As soon as I stopped beating myself up and started keeping my eye on the ball, we began winning more points. Eventually, we fought our way back to take the second set 6-4.

Driving home from the match (with plenty of time to make my dentist appointment) I thought about how all that worry was not only unnecessary, it was harmful. By thinking so much about the final outcome of the match, I'd totally lost my ability to influence the game at the point level - which is the only level any match can be won!

It's so easy to slip into a pattern of negativity and worry when something goes wrong in life, but thinking about how things could turn out is often an encumbrance to making the best out of what actually is. Making a habit of focusing on the present moment, not judging ourselves or others, and staying positive is the only way to achieve winning outcome.

I "love" tennis even more for reminding me of this.

Forget Timberlake, it's Older Women Bringing Sexy Back

 I'm reading an encouraging little book called The Secret Pleasures of Menopause by Dr. Christiane Northrup that has cheered me up about getting older. According to this prominent OB/Gyn and recent research, we women have a lot to look forward to between the sheets in middle age and beyond!

 Here are a couple excerpts from the book I'd like to pass on:

"The first idea you need to cast aside is the cultural myth that sex drive inevitably decreases after menopause. This simply is not true. The latest research shows that women in their 60s and 70's have the best sex of their lives."

According to a 2007 survey of 3000 men and women aged 57-85, "not only were most of those surveyed still sexually active, but the average frequency of sex was 2-3 times per month - the same frequency that younger adults report."

"Women aged 55 and older enjoy sex more and put more thought and effort into their sex lives than women the same age a decade ago. ... The researchers explain the difference in this way: Women who've reached midlife and beyond feel younger, are more open about their sexual needs, and are more interested in health."

Also, the study showed that a robust sex life has "less to do with how old you are and more to do with how healthy you are."

It's no secret that sex and health have a reciprocal relationship - the better you feel, the more sex you have and the more sex you have, the better you feel. The very good news is that age doesn't affect this equation.

So to celebrate, I'll propose a toast - To your health!

Man Up and Take a Compliment

I didn't post over the weekend because I was working on this video for The Succulent Wife - a chic, entertaining resource for chicks like us. I am guest posting there once a month, providing video updates to my midlife crisis.  Check out my latest, inspired by my April post on men and personal power, called Take a Compliment Like a Man.

As part of my midlife crisis, I’ve been considering the theme of empowerment. Because even though I’m on fire in many areas of my life, I sometimes feel insecure about my choices, or worry what other people think, or downplay my accomplishments.  You know who doesn’t waste time undermining themselves this way? Men!

Men are comfortable talking about themselves positively; they openly share their successes and achievements. It’s not bragging – it’s confidence. And guys know how to accept praise, with none of the shirking or deflecting that women often do. I say we women have something to learn from them in this area.

One place to begin is how we receive compliments. If someone is insightful and generous enough to express admiration for us, not only should we enjoy it – we should believe in ourselves enough to agree. It does take a shift in thinking, though. Watch my one-minute video to learn more.

Read more: http://www.thesucculentwife.com/take-a-compliment-like-a-man/#ixzz1PBKRtkWz

The "Beadafits" of being a sure thing for your husband

Last week I wrote about the book Forty Beads, the Simple Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage (see my post, Develop a Sex Habit in Your Marriage.) Author Carolyn Evans explains a system where a woman gives her husband 40 beads and agrees to have sex with him within 24 hours, each time he drops a bead in her bedside bowl.

Create your own Forty Beads kit or
order this one at Amazon.com

The arrangement is intended to balance different libido levels in a relationship, but it seems pretty one-sided, right?

I spoke to Carolyn (who is as lovely over the phone as she appears in her video, below) and asked her - so what do we women get out of Forty Beads?

According to Carolyn, here are just some of the "beadafits" she and other women have experienced:

1. A loving, connected relationship with her husband.
2. A husband who is completely tuned into her needs.
3. An appreciation of her own sensuality.
4. The best sex of her life.

"It absolutely changed the way I feel about sex," Carolyn says, "Sex gets better the more you open yourself up to it. Saying yes (vs. no all the time) is an expansive experience."

And, while beading couples do have sex more frequently than they used to, it's not as big of an increase as you might think.  The beads create a feeling of sexual abundance in the relationship - so the guys are relaxed and not always so desperate to secure it.

Y'all, it sounds like it's worth a try to me. I say, bead me up, Scotty!

Moms, do you wanna be a MILF?

The term "Milf," which originated as an acronym for the crude term Mother I'd Like to F*@k, has evolved into a semi-legit noun that creates mixed feelings amongst we moms. I mean, we're not interested in the attention of guys young enough to be our sons (are we?) but we'd still appreciate being considered hot by other men.

Check out my article at Make it Better where I delve into the contradictions of this term and interview author Sarah Maizes about her fun new book, Got Milf? The modern mom's guide to feeling fabulous, looking great and rocking a minivan.


Milfs seem to be the sexy older chicks of choice in the media these days, but I still have a fondness for the classic Cougars which I wrote about admiringly a few years back. Follow the link to my article "Feline Fantasy" to reminisce with me!

And check back tomorrow, when I give a sneak peek to my interview with Carolyn Evans, author of Forty Beads - the Simple Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage.

Shut Up Gremlins, I Know What I'm Doing

I generally have a positive outlook, but sometimes - when I get criticized, lose focus, hit a roadblock or tackle something new - doubts, worries and anxious self-talk will creep into my head.  Life coach Carol Moss calls these undermining thoughts "gremlins" and they can be vicious little monsters. Here's a sampling of the nastiness my gremlins pepper me with.

Get back in your box!

Who do you think you are?

You're ridiculous.

That's not gonna work.

No one's interested in that.

You don't have the experience.

You don't deserve it.

Your opinion doesn't matter.

You forgot something.

What will people think?

Don't stand out.

Act your age, be more ladylike.

You're fat/ugly/old/irrelevant.

You don't fit in.

When those spiteful gremlins (or some real life critic) show up and leave me feeling shaky, I've got a tried and true method for getting them back in their box - I whip out my personal mantra.

 I've used this five word phrase for years and it's nothing mystical or new age. I simply repeat to myself..

I know what I'm doing. 

I know what I'm doing.

 I know what I'm doing. 

I know what I'm doing.

This simple phrase brings me great comfort, and by placing emphasis on different words, my mantra has a wide range of reassuring meanings: I'm in control of myself, my opinion is the one that matters, I'm smart, I'm following a course of action I believe in, I'm consciously choosing what's happening to me, etc. It's awesome!

"I know what I'm doing" shuts up most of my gremlins, but you'll probably find other phrases that work better for you. For small glitches, mistakes and annoyances, I frequently mutter "It's no big deal" because most of the time, it really isn't.

I also admire Amy Poehler's proclamation (as quoted by Tina Fey in her hilarious book, Bossypants) "I don't fucking care if you like it!"