42, single and pregnant - It's a whole new world

This is the conclusion of my 3-part series about Sheri. Scroll down or click here to read part 1 and here for part 2.

Sheri's 2 & 1/2 year journey to get pregnant through fertility treatments was physically and emotionally challenging, but now that she's through her first trimester, all that pain is forgotten.

"As devastating as it was," she said, "once you're pregnant, you forget all about it. I appreciate the challenge of trying to get pregnant. It has been a life altering experience."

Going into the fertility process, Sheri says she was a controlling person. She always believed that if she were disciplined and worked hard enough, she would achieve her goals. While those traits served her well as an athlete and in her career, they had nothing to do with having a baby.

"I couldn't control this." Sheri said. "I had to learn to let go and face my fears to get pregnant. This process has opened me up."

Bucking the traditional family structure has been liberating to Sheri as well. "People would say to me - 'but you're cute, you could find a guy.' It's not about marriage to me anymore. It's about raising a child."

Through all the genetic testing, Sheri knows her baby is a boy. She also knows her journey has just begun.

"I'm still working on me." she said. "I focused all my energy on getting pregnant. Now I can come to who I am more authentically." She smiled and looked down at her stomach. "He (the baby) is a catalyst to moving me to who I am."

Sheri is confident she has the resources to take care of her child. She has already figured out her child care, work schedule, and budget. She'll stay in her two bedroom condo and live within her means.

"My first priority is to be a good mother," she said.

Sheri admits she does get lonely sometimes. "I want love," she said. "But it has to be right and I'm not going to settle."

In the meantime, Sheri is thrilled with her pregnancy and says she is living life in happiness and joy.

"This has been one of the most empowering things I've ever done."

A single woman's journey to have a child on her own

First in a 3-part series

Sheri (right) is 42, single and 14 weeks pregnant. She couldn't be happier; she's been working toward this goal for almost three years.

"I always wanted to be a mom," said Sheri. "I innately knew there would be little one in my future."

For a long time Sheri envisioned having a baby as part of a traditional family like the one she grew up with in Glencoe, Illinois. But after a lot of dating and serious relationships in her 20s and early 30s, Sheri realized she wasn't going out with men for the right reasons.

"I was looking at the guy more as a provider and the father of my children," she said. "Less as a companion for me."

Sheri started dating more selectively. Her friends fixed her up; she met men through the online Jewish dating site, Jdate. But she still didn't find anyone she really connected with. At age 37, her biological clock ticking, Sheri began to feel like she might not meet Mr. Right in time to have a child.

"That was when I started thinking I could have a baby on my own."

With the encouragement of her friends and family, Sheri investigated artificial insemination. She talked with fertility specialists, selected a doctor, and chose a sperm donor through the California Cryobank.

The perfect husband might have been hard to find, but when it came to picking her child's biological father, Sheri could get just the guy she wanted. She evaluated donors based on their ethnicity, religion, education, health, genetics, eye color, physique, even their baby pictures. Sheri chose an educated Jewish man who shared a lot of her family's background and physical characteristics - except for height. Sheri is quite petite; she chose a donor on the tall side, "to even things out."

With all the pieces in place, at age 39, Sheri was excited to begin the artificial insemination process. Based on her heathy lifestyle, fitness level, and work ethic she was sure she'd get pregnant in no time.

And why wouldn't she? Sheri is a lifelong athlete. She played Varsity tennis at New Trier High School for four years and went to the University of Wisconsin in Madison on a tennis scholarship. Now she's Director of Women's Tennis at the North Shore Racquet Club in Northbrook.

I've taken drills with Sheri for years and she is one of the most upbeat, encouraging, motivated people I've ever met. Not to mention she's one fit chick.

But despite her motivation and preparation, Sheri didn't get pregnant the first time she was inseminated. Or the second. The third time she conceived but miscarried after three weeks. So she tried again. And again. And again. Finally, after six attempts over two years, Sheri and her doctor decided it was time to give up on artificial insemination.

"If there's anything I would tell other women trying this process is that it takes time," said Sheri. "It doesn't matter how healthy you are, your eggs age. After 40, your chances of getting pregnant drop dramatically. I wish I had started sooner."

Check back for the second part of this series when I'll give the details of Sheri's experience with artificial insemination and the approach she tried next - in vitro fertilization. In part three, Sheri reveals how this process has transformed her, and how she envisions life going forward.

After the Divorce - Rediscovering Sex

This is my second article about The Posse, a trio of hip, funny, attractive divorced moms living on the North Shore. To read my first post introducing them, click here.

Sex with their husbands had been bad for a long time, the Posse told me. It ranged from infrequent to icky. At the end, the women were merely going through the motions, not participating mentally or emotionally. They felt detached from the act, cut off from their bodies. With the divorce, all that changed.

"I was dead, dead, dead for years." said Regina. "Coming out of my marriage was like coming out of the desert." Bunny and Grace nodded and grinned in agreement. I signaled the waitress to bring us another round.

Fresh from the trauma of ending a marriage, the last thing the Posse chicks wanted was a serious relationship. They wanted to have a little fun, they wanted to feel alive again. Hell, they wanted to get laid.

And there were plenty of willing partners.

Bunny slept with her process server on the night he was supposed to deliver the final divorce papers to her husband. Grace hooked up with a hot parking valet who chauffeured her to her car at a friend's country club. Regina did the bump and grind with not one, but two 23 year-old guys (separately, not at the same time.)

These encounters made the newly single women feel reawakened, rediscovered, liberated! After years of sexual drought, this wasn't love, honey, this was therapy. The Posse women laugh when they tell these stories. They laugh at their audacious naughtiness, the unexpected thrills, and their newfound right to screw whoever they want, damn it, just to please themselves.

But the Posse isn't only out for casual sex, as refreshing as it was initially. These gals spend most of their time as hardworking single moms, not sex kittens, and they need meaningful adult relationships to sustain them. That's why Bunny, Regina and Grace all agree that the first fix-up a newly divorced woman needs is with other women in the same situation. To hang with, to laugh with, to support one another.

Next up - the suburban & single bar scene. Where to go, what to expect.