They agreed to share some of their stories about dating the second time around on the condition that I wouldn't reveal their identities. So in this article (and articles to follow) I will refer to them by their self-chosen "bar" names. Let's meet the Posse.
Bunny - an athletic, confident blond with a body to kill for and a take-no-prisoners attitude. Her drink of choice: "Grey Goose Martini with blue cheese olives - very, very dry."Regina - an angel-faced earthy chick with a wild mane of dark blonde curls. Drink of choice: "Something cheap and red. We divorced people are on a budget."Grace - a chic brunette with a husky voice and a sultry smile. Her drink: "Kettle One on the rocks with splash of soda & cranberry."
These women all have kids and have been divorced for 4-5 years. And before we get into the seamy and scandalous sex stories (and trust me, they're good ones), they have one piece of advice for those of us with husbands that they want to communicate loud and clear - "STAY MARRIED!"
Bunny and Regina, who both initiated their divorces, have been surprised at how difficult divorce has been, both financially and on the kids. Even though she was "suffocating and drowning" in an unhappy marriage, Regina said she would do it differently if she could.
"I would have just stayed in the marriage and made sure my needs were met," she said. "I would have taken what I needed and not worried about him. That's what he was doing anyway."
Why? I asked her. You were clearly miserable.
"Because now I have no financial security and my kids have been raked over the coals. And he's still in my life! You think that you'll be free of your ex, but after the divorce he's stuck to you like some awful third breast - some appendage you have to carry around. The only difference is that now he isn't on my side."
Bunny agreed. "Divorce sucks," she said. "Unless you're independently wealthy or have a great job or he's beating you, I say stay married."
Grace just shrugged. Her husband had been the one to leave, so she wasn't in a position to have the same regrets.
Bunny told her, "At least your ex-husband feels responsible for you and wants to take care of you and make sure you and the kids are okay."
Grace said, "I think he still kind of likes me."
Married women, you've been officially warned. The Posse doesn't want to glamorize their situations, okay? Divorce is tough stuff that doesn't end once the papers are signed. But there is one result of ending their marriages that all three women agree was very fun - the sexual reawakening.
That's what I'll write about next time. So stay tuned....