'Sam' confirms our worst fears about men

I've got some catching up to do. Before the holidays I arranged for my divorced pals, Warren and Bunny (one of the Posse chicks), to meet. Fellow Posse member Regina met Warren a while back, but I was especially curious to see how Warren and Bunny would get along because they are both very funny and - as you know from my prior posts - quite naughty. So, on the Thursday before Christmas we all met at The Happ Inn in Northfield. Even though it was early, the bar was packed.

Bunny was cute and frisky in jeans with a flowered knit cap pulled over her long blonde hair. Warren looked dapper in a cashmere jacket and funky specs. And as a bonus Gracie showed up too! Ooh, this would be great material. I pulled out my Sharpie no-bleed pen and notebook, and prepared to take some juicy notes.

But it wasn't so easy. The bar was really loud and even though Bunny and Warren seemed to hit it off, I couldn't hear a word of what they were saying. Plus, Bunny kept skipping off to corners of the room to greet all the people she knew. Gracie was deep in conversation with some guy, and I myself was attracting a lot of interest from men at the bar.

"What are you writing about?" they asked. "Are you a reporter? Where can I read your work?"

Bunny bounced over with a tall, good-looking dude in tow.

"Do you know who this is?" she squealed. "It's Man-Who-Needs-Haircut!"

The Posse chicks assign tribal names to guys they see regularly out on the town. Man-Who-Needs-Haircut looked just like Sam, the bartender played by Ted Danson on Cheers - lanky, athletic, with a good (but disheveled) head of hair. He looked to be in his early 50s.

"Sam" was a few drinks ahead of me and feeling talkative. "You should interview me," he said. "I'll tell you anything. What do you wanna know?"

I looked longingly over to Warren and Bunny who were cracking up and acting all flirty. I knew I was missing out on something good. But it was loud and crowded and I was lucky to have a stool. I turned to Sam.

"Okay, tell me why you got divorced."

"My wife never wanted to have sex, so I left," said Sam. Uh-oh.

"You mean she never wanted to have sex," I asked, "or just not all that often?"

"She said I was lucky to be getting it once a week - I told her I needed more sex than that. I said, look if you don't satisfy me, I'm going to go out and get it." He took a swig of his drink. "She told me good luck. So I did."

Then Sam explained that even though his relationship with his wife basically ended then, they stayed married for years until their kids left for college three years ago. During that time, he played around. Frequently. And close to home.

"I provided the women in the neighborhood with a service," he told me. "They weren't getting enough, I wasn't getting enough. Everybody's needs were satisfied. I saved a lot of marriages."

I gulped. "You're like a woman's worst nightmare!" I said. "You're confirming all our fears about men."

"You should fear. You should fear for your lives," said Sam. "I've got married friends and when we go out together, they take off their rings. They're just like Tiger. He's a regular guy -and regular guys cheat."

On that ominous note, I'll put my conversation with Sam on pause. But there's more, oh yes, there's more. Check back in a few days and I'll give you the surprising wrap up!

Until then, cheers.