"My best buddies are married and they're all cheating," said Sam. " They come home from work after a tough day and all they get from their wives is nagging. So they go out to get some attention and have someone treat them nice. Look."
He gestured to a couple of his apparently married pals who, sure enough, were flirting and laughing with a group of vivacious women who were a lot younger and cuter than those wormy cheaters deserved.
Bunny came over to join us and Sam put his arm around her seductively.
"Hey. Remember when we made out in the bathroom that time?" he asked. "You were hot."
Bunny nodded. "I'd just broken up with my boyfriend and I was a mess. First I made out with Sam in the bathroom, then I made out with Regina at the table. Then I threw up."
Sam grinned. "Bunny is a very attractive woman," he told me, then turned back to her. "You should go on a date with me. You'd probably like me."
Bunny shrugged. "I probably wouldn't. But I'll go on a date with you." She flitted off again.
This bar talk was all very flip but I knew there had to be more.
"Do you think you'll ever fall in love?" I asked Sam.
"Yes, and I'll tell you how." His said earnestly. "I have a lot of woman friends and I'm trying to learn from them how to become a perfect guy."
Wow, that was pretty ambitious. How was he doing that?
"I go shoe shopping with them and stuff, hang out. I listen to them talk, hear what they want from guys. I fucked up all my past relationships because I was so naive. I didn't get the picture. Women need to be stroked. I get the picture now. "
Sam seemed genuinely baffled by women and sincere in his efforts to figure them out. My heart melted a degree or two.
"My friend Denise says I'm a great guy," he said, shaking his head. "I just need to find the right woman."
It was sort of pathetic, but it was also kind of sweet. At least the guy was trying - unlike his ringless friends over in the corner. I waved goodbye to Gracie, Bunnny and Warren.
It was time for this married chick to head home.