Divorced & Dating - Out on the Town with The Posse

This is the 3rd part of my series about "The Posse," three divorced moms who live on the North Shore. These women share stories about dating and sex the second time around, and it's pretty racy stuff. (Click here to read part 1 and part 2.) Some of you relate to their experiences, others are appalled by them. A few of you think I'm making this up - but most of you want to hear more. While I refer to Bunny, Regina and Grace by their assumed "bar" names, they're definitely real people. Are they typical of most divorced women? Probably not. But that's what makes them so interesting.

When the Posse chicks head out for a night on the town, it's with a mixture of anticipation and skepticism. The women don't get together often - they have to work around their kids' visitation schedules and their exes aren't always reliable. So, when the stars align and the Posse is able to convene, these women are eager to catch up, cut loose and rustle up some action.

However, the women have been divorced long enough to be realistic about the suburban singles scene. Some of the guys are jerks, some of them aren't interested, and some are not who they say they are (more on that later.) But there's always the hope that the Posse will discover a good prospect. The odds of finding a man who's attractive, financially secure and unattached might be slim, but the Posse is looking hot, and hey, it's Saturday night.

The first thing the Posse considers is where to go. They want a reasonably priced place that attracts a big crowd - not too young- and lots of single men. Sports bars on game nights are good bets, like Trax in Deerfield; so are venues with live music or karaoke, such as Ravinia BBQ & Grill. Then there's well-known pick-up joints like Pete Miller's in Wheeling. "If you're single on the North Shore, at some point you're gonna end up at Pete's," says Bunny.

Once the women have ordered a drink and settled into their barstools, how do they meet men? While these chicks aren't timid, apparently there's an art to striking up a conversation with men which Grace has mastered. The night I interviewed the Posse at Flight, she agreed to demonstrate her skill.

"I'm going out for a smoke," she said apologetically, "but just watch that tall guy sitting at the bar."

I watched as Grace approached the bar and smilingly spoke to the bartender for a moment or two, then headed out the front door. I didn't see her speak to her "target" at all, but within moments, Tall Guy pushed back from the bar and joined Grace on the sidewalk where she greeted him by lighting his cigarette.

"Huh?" I said. "I don't get it - she didn't even talk to him and he followed her out there."

"She's so pretty, she doesn't have to say anything," said Bunny. "Guys love her, we don't have a chance."

I was confused. Grace is super cute, but so are Bunny and Regina. "It's not the way she looks, it's something she does," I said, watching Grace and her new friend share a laugh on the sidewalk.

"She sticks 'em like a wasp every time," grumbled Regina.

When Grace eventually returned to our table, I asked her how she'd connected with Tall Guy.

"I just asked the bartender where I could smoke," she said, "then I said loudly, okay, I guess I'll just go out front all alone and smoke all by myself. He (Tall Guy) must of heard me."

"She acts stupid and men love it!" hissed Bunny.

Grace rolled her eyes while Bunny went on.

"You've got to dumb down to get a guy - don't talk too much, don't act too smart or confident. Just listen and giggle and say 'oh my god' and flip your hair. Regina and I are too challenging, too opinionated - we scare men off.""

"Come on." I said. "Men don't really want women to act like that."

"They do." said Regina, "I've had men tell me they would never date me because I'm too intimidating."

"And besides, all the divorced men want to date 30 year-olds," said Bunny. "It would be easier for me to pick up another woman than a man my own age."

Things might have seemed a little dismal at this point if it weren't for all the interested glances being sent The Posse's way by several other men in the bar. Not to mention the free round of champagne Flight's owner delivered to our table. And the night was still young....

Next time: Games people play

Coming soon: the guys' side of things!