Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Confessions of a Real Housewife

I hear through the grapevine that Bravo TV is looking to cast The Real Housewives of Chicago. Hey, I'm a real housewife, they should cast me! Although my life isn't quite as colorful as many of the "Housewives" - no arrests, nude photos, or implants (yet) - I've got some dirty little secrets that I'm willing to spill on camera, and here's just a sampling:

1. Even though I have a set of expensive All-Clad stainless cookware, the pan I use all the time is a cheap T-Fal non-stick frying pan.

2. I've never had a flu shot or taken my kids to get one.

3. I know my kids don't always pick up the dog's poop when they walk her, but I turn a blind eye so she gets some exercise.

4. I don't even try to balance my checkbook.

5. I want to love the ultra hip show "Mad Men," but it puts me to sleep.

6. The only food I don't eat is veal, because years ago I saw a program on how miserably the little calves are kept. I'm happy to eat any other animal, however.

7. I buy a Streetwise paper from the homeless guy every time I go to the grocery store, but I resent him for it.

8. I do a bad job on my husband's laundry on purpose so he'll keep doing it himself.

9. I have a crush on Kid Rock, even though I think he's skanky. It's my Detroit roots.

See Bravo - I am very naughty. Don't you want to put me on your show? Or are the real confessions of this real housewife too tame for TV?


smilagirl said...

What??? You don't like "Mad Men?" The other 8 Confessions not nearly so ALARMING...
(I'd be very concerned, but know you like "Project Runway")
Now, I think I'll make myself a martini & light up a ciggy...Oh, it's not 1962? Darn-it!

Marjie Killeen said...

It's not that I don't like Mad Men - it's just something about it lulls me to sleep. All those intense pauses while blowing smoke through their noses, the stepford wife restraint, and no soundtrack (is there?).

Now, Project Runway keeps me awake! See, I'm made for reality TV.

Meg said...

The kids-dog-poop thing is true over here too -- I'm just happy that my son takes the dog for a walk without ANY prompting! My dirty secret: I've been hiding "friends" on Facebook who aren't really friends and whose "newsfeeds" strike me as ... here it comes ... really DUMB. I can't put it any more eloquently! There, my secret is out.