Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Who's on Your "Freebie List"?

I'm sitting here in my flannel pjs with an awful cold and some sort of pus dripping out of my right eye. Given my contagious condition and less-than-attractive appearance, my real life chances of getting any action today are slim to none, so it's a good time to let my fantasies take over.

Remember that Friends episode when Chandler introduces the "freebie list" - a list of five celebrities that your partner agrees to let you sleep with without getting mad? Here's my list of hot hunks that can hypothetically have me anytime they want (as long as they don't object to a little pink-eye.)
  1.  Gerard Butler (right)- Oh my god, did you see him in 300? Oh my god, did you see him in P.S. I Love You? Yeah, the guy is ripped, but I'm all about his sweet smile, serious glower and sexy Scottish accent. Oh my god, am I gushing?
  2. Daniel Craig - He's a cool Brit with an attitude, but I know I'm the one who can melt his icy heart.  James Bond, I'll provide a quantum of solace to you, honey. Just bring a tube of Vicks Vaporub over here and we'll have a great time.
  3. Jon Bon Jovi - This rocker is 46, and he keeps getting hotter every year. He used to have that wide-eyed, wild hair 80s thing going on, but I much prefer his current pared down, chiseled look. Jon, you definitely don't give love a bad name.
  4.  Jon Stewart - Not so sure how great the Daily Show host would be in the sack, but I know he would tickle my funny bone. I love witty men. Plus, he's cute in a naughty little boy way.
  5. I'm torn.  A few years back, Viggo Mortenson, who played the heroic Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings, would definitely have made my list. I wish I hadn't seen his naked fight scene in Eastern Promises - I didn't need to know about his skinny legs. I'm going to have to go with Javier Bardem, because he was so darn seductive in Vicki Christina Barcelona. He had three beautiful women pining over him at once and it was totally believable.

Because the freebie list is a two-way street, I asked my husband, Liam, which celebrities he would put on his own list.  He could only come up with three:   Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner and Natalie Imbruglia. I'm trying to figure out what those choices mean - does he like blonds or does he like big lips? 

Before I contemplate dying my hair or getting collagen injections, I'm going to try to cure this cold with a cup of tea and a big dose of vitamin C. But Gerard, Daniel, Jon, Jon and Javier, if you're ever in Chicago, feel free to look me up. That goes for you too Viggo.

Who's on your freebie list? Post it here!

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