Advice to College Freshmen (and Their Moms Too)

My son, Nick, is heading off to The University of Michigan in a month and I couldn't be prouder. I have lots of advice for him, but I think this may be the point in our relationship when he stops listening for a while. So in honor of my firstborn leaving the nest, here's a video packed with great advice for incoming college freshmen from the people that know best - current college students. Thanks to all the students who helped me out on this project for Make It Better. Your poise, humor, and smarts are very reassuring to this mom.



P.S. - Nick will be swimming for the world class Michigan Men's Swimming & Diving team and  I'm a Michigan grad myself - BBA '84 - so Go Blue!

Fifty Shades of Frustration

Yeah, I read 50 Shades of Grey, yeah, I found some of the sex scenes kinda hot - but frankly, the book left me longing for more. Like erotica that would appeal to a real mom, not some 21 year-old, unkissed virgin. Here's my review of and foray into the genre, over at Makeitbetter.net. My mommy porn starts like this....

Victoria woke, stretching luxuriously. What a delicious night’s sleep she’d had! She snuggled back into her plump feather pillows, running her palms slowly down her flat stomach. All the hard work had been worth it. She’d lost 20 pounds and hadn’t felt this great about her body since 1991.

The house seemed unusually quiet, and then Victoria remembered—the kids were away at summer camp and her husband was still off pursuing his lifelong dream of backpacking across Alaska. She was alone.  

Read the full column here. 

Sexy, Skinny Summer Secrets

My capacity for critical thinking seems to be on vacation this month, but I do have a couple summertime discoveries to share.

1. Last week I bought a pair of Gap "Sexy Boyfriend" jeans and I love the loose but not baggy fit so much I've worn them every day for the last five days without washing. No one has seemed to notice. Okay, I don't get out much.

2. I have developed a whole new form of meditation that centers on lying on a hammock and gazing up through the tree branches while eating a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich very, very slowly. I believe I have found enlightenment. Especially when I do the Skinny Cow meditation while wearing the Sexy Boyfriend jeans.

Bye, now.

Why You Should Talk Sex with Your Daughter

Where else will your daughter
get her information?

I write about sex for a magazine that is distributed throughout my community, which you'd think would make me top candidate for world's most embarrassing mom. I admit, when my column was first published in Make it Better magazine, I did cringe at the thought of my two teens reading some of my more risque pieces - especially the ones about sex toys and pole dancing. But then I figured, hey - my column is fun, respectful and well researched. I say it's as good a place to learn about sex as any  - and much, much better than stupid, sleazy, "reality" shows on channels like MTV or "learn these tricks to please your man" articles in Cosmopolitan.

But now I've discovered another reason to feel good about what I do. Opening a dialogue about sex is good for my daughter. According to Joyce McFadden, author of "Your Daughter's Bedroom: Insights for Raising Confident Women," our kids, and especially our daughters, need for us to talk about sexuality, because what we communicate by avoiding it is damaging.

If we don't teach our daughters about sexuality from the time they're little or if we only give them a crumb of information here and there, we inadvertently communicate that female sexuality is too shameful to discuss in polite company. We unintentionally teach them that their sexuality -- and ours -- is bad. Our girls then absorb this shame and badness and take it into their general sense of themselves -- into how they see who they are.
Joyce McFadden, Huffington Post

As mothers, we are the role models for sexuality to our daughters. If we're too hung up to talk openly about sex, we pass our hang-ups on to them. I'm not saying the pieces I write for "Sex & the Suburbs," which are geared to mostly to middle-aged moms in long-term relationships, are appropriate topics for my high school sophomore. But I'm not embarrassed that she knows I write about sex, am interested in sex, and yes, enjoy having it.

image via amazon

According to the author, our daughters want our guidance about sex - not just because they need information, but because they recognize it as "an act of maternal love."

Don't we all want our daughters to become women who understand and value their bodies, have confidence and pride, and enjoy a fulfilling sex life? I know I do! And most of all, I want a close relationship with my daughter throughout her life.

Plant some Pots!

I don't have a green thumb, but with the help of my gardening guru friend Mary Shearson, now even I can create beautiful outdoor planters and flower pots. And so can you! This short video was created for my other favorite site, Make it Better.

My Big O Sex Column

My latest "Sex & the Suburbs" column is all about orgasms. Relax, Mom, not MY orgasms - women's orgasms in general. And, no surprise, we're wired very differently from men. Here's a little teaser, below, but please read the complete article over at Make It Better - 5 Things to Know About the Female Big O.

image from makeitbetter.net

2. Straight-up sex rarely rings the bell

Fewer than 25% of women climax through intercourse alone. A woman’s hot button is her clitoris, which, since it’s external, is tricky to engage during intercourse. As Dr. Lissa Rankin writes in her book, “What’s Up Down There.” “The truth is that the majority of sexual positions that involve vaginal penetration fail to stimulate the clitoris at all. Most women need something more.”

Men often forget this fact, so to help them relate, ask your guy to imagine having sex without his penis being involved. Not that much fun, right?
 Click here for full article.

Outdoor Entertaining - A Nifty Nautical Theme Party

When it comes to throwing a party, no one does it better than my talented friend, event stylist Suzanne Armstrong. In my latest video for Make it Better, Suzanne shows how to celebrate with this season's trendy, preppy nautical theme. It's the perfect way to launch a high school or college graduate, but the ship-shape ideas can be adapted to any summer party and the cheerful theme is perfect for outdoor entertaining.

Brava Giada and Giuliana - from your newest fan

This week I've been surprisingly impressed with two Italian-born cable TV stars:  Food Network chef Giada de Laurentiis and E! host and reality star, Giuliana Rancic. Why? I'll start with Giada.

Giada de Laurentiis, image via giadadelaureniis.com

I'm not a foodie, but I have seen a few minutes of Giada de Laurentiis's show, Giada at Home.  At the time, I was struck more by what a babe she is than the dish she was preparing. The seductive way she leans over her chopping board and peers up at the camera is a talent on it's own. But two weeks ago, browsing the book section at Costco, I picked up her new cookbook,  Weeknights with Giada: Quick and Simple Recipes to Revamp Dinner for the bargain price of $18.99. My weeknight cooking has been dismally uninspired, so I figured I'd give it try.

Since then, I've made four of Giada's recipes - more new recipes than I usually try in a year.  I made Shrimp and Sausage Cioppino, Thai Turkey Lettuce Cups, Sweet and Spicy Greek Meatballs, and just last night, Toasted Ciabatta with Shrimp, Tarragon, and Arugula. These dishes are inventive and flavorful and not all that difficult to put together (if I concentrate.) My kids and husband are amazed.

Even though making dinner now requires me to shop at different stores for the higher quality ingredients (Jewel doesn't carry lemon grass or Thai fish sauce) and chop a lot of scallions and fresh herbs, I am enjoying my culinary adventure. I don't think I can go back to turkey burgers and bagged caesar salad. So on behalf of the whole Killeen family, thanks for cranking up my cooking engines, Giada.

Giuliana Rancic, image via eonline.com

Now, onto my next inspiring signorina.

Two nights ago, my daughter Emma was watching an E! True Hollywood Story episode about Giuliana Rancic that completely sucked me in. Her story is fascinating. She has achieved success through hard work and determination, yes, but also by being a fun, genuine, caring chick. Despite her rail-thin frame and designer duds, Giuliana is no diva.

I was aware that she and her husband, "Apprentice" winner Bill Rancic, have been struggling with fertility and the fallout from Giuliana's shocking  breast cancer diagnosis. But I didn't know that she was such a cool, brave, honest, positive person. And her Italian family is amazing. Every single one of them had tears running down their faces, expressing how much she means to them. You should have seen her papa try to keep it together. The show was so touching, I shed a tear or two myself.

Now, the Rancics have disclosed they are expecting a baby through a gestational carrier, empregnated with the couple's embryo, fertilized before Giuliana underwent cancer treatment. I wish them much joy.

What a happy ending. And what is going on here? I'm cooking and crying and gushing over a pair of women I'd barely noticed two weeks ago. Maybe I'm part Italian!  I look kind of Mediterranean, right? And it would certainly explain my love of the vino.

Ciao bellas!

In 5 words, how do you want to feel? I'll go first.

image via amazon.com

In Danielle LaPorte's inspiring book, The Fire Starter Sessions, she talks about the importance of knowing how you want to feel each day, and pursuing those feelings rather than setting goals or conforming to societal expectations or using money or belongings to measure your success. This concept is based on the belief that our emotions are the true guideposts to operating in our sweet spot, our bliss, our flow, our life's purpose, our true vocation.

It's a highly individual experience - what lights me up may leave you cold - but we all know it when we feel it. Unfortunately, most of  us don't feel it often enough.

I've spent some hours considering this, and here are the words (the book's exercise suggests choosing 3-5) that best describe what I'd love to experience.

 I want to feel:

Connected

Meaningful

Delighted

Turned on 

Committed

These words are rich in meaning for me. For example, when I say "Connected," I don't mean being able to get Blackhawks playoff tickets - I mean I want be part of something bigger than me, including my family, inspiring friends and mentors, my community, my audience, and this place and time. And "Turned-on" goes way beyond it's sexual connotation; it's about feeling so excited and attracted to ideas and situations and people that I wanna jump their figurative bones.

The point of identifying these desirable feelings, says LaPorte, is then you figure out what you can do to feel that way. And it's not selfish - feeling good puts us in our highest, most authentic, most productive place. If I want more meaning in my life, today I can make sure I'm thoughtful and thorough in my work, have real conversations with my kids, and read an inspiring book.

Phew, this whole concept comes as such a relief. If I can prioritize what makes me feel good, and so can you, we are all going to be so damn happy! How delightful!

What's one way you'd like to feel each day?

When I did this a few years ago, it was definitely a turn on

Fashion, Art, Food, Fashion - One Fabulous Day in Chicago

Here's why I love Chicago. On any given day there are so many cool, creative, cultural events to savor. In this town, food, fashion and art often go hand in hand and Wednesday and Thursday, I had a feast of the senses.

 On Wednesday, my friend Cheryl and I were guests of artist Gary Weidner at a hip reception at the new Wicker Park eatery, Storefront Company. Gary's mixed media mural from his "Flowers" series (see below) dominates the restaurant's dining room and infuses it with a moody, beautiful vibe.

Gary Weidner's mural at the Storefront Company restaurant in Wicker Park.

Our evening actually began around the corner at the Cynthia Rowley boutique on Damen. Cynthia, a Barrington native, is a good friend of Gary's and was hosting her own soiree to celebrate her 2012 Legend of Fashion award from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago (SAIC.)

I wish I had snapped some pics of the elegant designer, but I was too busy eyeing the clothes at her shop.  One of her gorgeous jackets certainly caught Gary's eye, and he wore it for the rest of the evening.

Artist Gary Weidner, wearing Cynthia Rowley jacket, with friends.

Here's one of her dresses I coveted:

image from CynthiaRowley.com

I 

As for the Storefront Company, the Blood Orange martinis and hors d'ouevres (perfectly bite-sized, what a relief) were so yummy, I would definitely go back for dinner.

Blood Orange Martini.

Yum.

Thursday, the fun continued as a fellow mom friend and I took our budding fashionista daughters to see the SAIC student Fashion Show at Millenium Park (where Cynthia Rowley would be honored later that night.) I've never been to New York's fashion week, but this SAIC show was such an amped up, high dose of innovative design, it had to rival what goes down in Bryant Grant. Here's just a tiny snippit from the incredibly entertaining show.

Last night, overstimulated and exhausted, I spent the evening as I more typically do - wearing yoga pants and glasses on the couch, catching a few minutes of John Stewart before heading to bed. But what a great 24 hours it had been, and how wonderful that my daughter and her friends can soak up this city's talent and energy.

Future Fashionistas

PS - If you'd like an affordable piece of Gary's work, it will be for sale at ExhibitionA.com soon!