Monday, June 18, 2012

Why You Should Talk Sex with Your Daughter

Where else will your daughter
get her information?
I write about sex for a magazine that is distributed throughout my community, which you'd think would make me top candidate for world's most embarrassing mom. I admit, when my column was first published in Make it Better magazine, I did cringe at the thought of my two teens reading some of my more risque pieces - especially the ones about sex toys and pole dancing. But then I figured, hey - my column is fun, respectful and well researched. I say it's as good a place to learn about sex as any  - and much, much better than stupid, sleazy, "reality" shows on channels like MTV or "learn these tricks to please your man" articles in Cosmopolitan.

But now I've discovered another reason to feel good about what I do. Opening a dialogue about sex is good for my daughter. According to Joyce McFadden, author of "Your Daughter's Bedroom: Insights for Raising Confident Women," our kids, and especially our daughters, need for us to talk about sexuality, because what we communicate by avoiding it is damaging.
If we don't teach our daughters about sexuality from the time they're little or if we only give them a crumb of information here and there, we inadvertently communicate that female sexuality is too shameful to discuss in polite company. We unintentionally teach them that their sexuality -- and ours -- is bad. Our girls then absorb this shame and badness and take it into their general sense of themselves -- into how they see who they are.
Joyce McFadden, Huffington Post
As mothers, we are the role models for sexuality to our daughters. If we're too hung up to talk openly about sex, we pass our hang-ups on to them. I'm not saying the pieces I write for "Sex & the Suburbs," which are geared to mostly to middle-aged moms in long-term relationships, are appropriate topics for my high school sophomore. But I'm not embarrassed that she knows I write about sex, am interested in sex, and yes, enjoy having it.

image via amazon

According to the author, our daughters want our guidance about sex - not just because they need information, but because they recognize it as "an act of maternal love."

Don't we all want our daughters to become women who understand and value their bodies, have confidence and pride, and enjoy a fulfilling sex life? I know I do! And most of all, I want a close relationship with my daughter throughout her life.

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