Move to Chicago, Demi and Heather, you'll be happier here

Accepting the changes that come with aging isn't easy for any woman, but it must really stink if you're a beautiful, middle-aged actress living in Hollywood. Imagine the pressure to stay thin and unlined and luscious when you've built your whole career on that image and live in a society that values little else.

Moore in 2010
Image via Wikipedia

Take Demi Moore, 49, for example. I've admired Demi since her days as husky-voiced ace reporter Jackie Templeton on General Hospital in the early 80s and I've been truly saddened to watch her recent struggles in the media.  Her marriage to much younger husband Ashton Kutcher has collapsed and, amid rumors of drug abuse and speculation on her very gaunt frame, Demi was hospitalized this week. I don't know what her problems are, but whether it's heartache, exhaustion, addiction or illness, I don't need a doctor's diagnoses to see something's wrong. Even dressed to the nines on the red carpet, she looks like she's in pain.

And she's not the only middle aged Hollywood star suffering. Blonde, blue-eyed, vixen Heather Locklear, 50, of Melrose Place fame was also hospitalized earlier this month. Apparently Heather has struggled with drugs and alcohol for years and is now "under a doctor's care" as she seeks recovery.  She and long-term love Jack Wagner (who I also adored on GH) called off their engagement in November.

Demi and Heather aren't dimwitted starlets trying to break into the business; they're intelligent women, established professionals, and mothers. They're about my age, for god's sake! But I'm not judging them, I'm judging the system that makes these women feel like failures if their knees begin to sag or their lips begin to thin. Both women have invested a great deal of effort into maintaining a youthful appearance, but in Hollywood, when gorgeous 20-somethings regularly nip and tuck, how can a 50-year old woman compete? No wonder they're turning to mind-numbing substances. The mere thought of being judged by my flabby stomach or jiggly thighs makes me feel like throwing back a couple kamikazes right now, and it's only 11am.

But luckily, I live in Chicago, a land that is much kinder and gentler to middle aged women. Why? Because first of all, because we have our values straight. In the Midwest, we like keeping it real - and that means a woman's intellect, humor and generosity are as important to her appeal as a firm ass. Secondly, our weather stinks for at least seven months of the year so everybody spends a lot of time covered up in boots, jeans, sweaters, and jackets. Women over 40 can look every bit as good as our younger counterparts when we're not being constantly evaluated in our bikinis. Finally, Chicagoans are foodies and take pleasure in eating - a little meat on our bones as a result is no big deal.

I'd like to invite all the unappreciated, angst-ridden, aging actresses out in LA to take a stand. Move to Chicago! We have an abundant theatre, arts and music scene so you'll get work. Not to mention you'll love it here. Rosie O'Donnell does.

"As a New Yorker, who was born and raised in New York and lived in Los Angeles for 10 years, I never imagined living anywhere else. But I could totally see myself living here. It’s very relaxing and family-oriented. It’s unlike any place I’ve ever been.”  Chicago Tribune, 12/11/11

The Meaning of Coincidences

I'm sure I saw a
Great Horned Owl
Image via wikipedia

Happy New Year my Forty Fabulous friends! I am so excited about what 2012 will bring. And you know why? Because a few days ago, for the first time in my life, I saw a wild owl.

As I drove home through the neighborhood, the huge bird swooped showily through my headlights, as if demanding my attention. It flew up to a gabled rooftop, and perched there calmly, as owls do, with it's distinctive tufts pointing to the moon. I stopped the car, rolled down my window and called up to it.

"Well, look at you."

The owl didn't respond. But just like the birds in the Harry Potter books, I think it had a message for me. Check out my conversation with my wise friend  Carol Moss about why this owl sighting was no coincidence.



You've probably experienced some uncanny coincidences in your own life. Or maybe you think this is all a bunch of bird poop. Either way, I'd love to your thoughts!

Have a Merry Midlife Crisis and a Happy New Year

This year I focused on creating my own midlife crisis. My goal was to get the benefits of this critical time of life without suffering the pain and angst. As I do with any new project, I started out with great purpose and enthusiasm.

In January I worked to accept my changing body.

In February, I got organized to make room for the new me.

In March I worked to become quiet and pay attention to my intuition.

In April I went out looking for inspiration.

In May I began to lose focus and goofed off.

In June I worked on developing new positive habits, one of which was writing every day.

By July I was so damn sick of writing about myself I took the rest of the summer off.

In September I reviewed a video called "Hot Flash Havoc" and it changed my life. I made an appointment with my gynecologist and since then have been taking a combination of estrogen and progesterone. Now many of my mid-life crisis symptoms, apparently hormonally induced, are gone. 

In October, November and December, I felt really good and was so busy with other writing projects and kids and home and husband and life, I pretty much forgot I was having a midlife crisis at all. Well, hey.

I am claiming success! The combination of the research and self-analysis and hormone replacement therapy has pretty much dissipated my fear and anxiety about aging and given me a new sense of purpose. And I love that I continue to find that middle age is a fabulous time of life. 

In this  short video I share some of the most important things I learned from my midlife crisis so that you can enjoy yours, whenever it occurs.

I'm closing out the year by wishing you all the merriest of holidays and a very Happy New Year. I raise my glass to the possibilities and fulfillment 2012 holds for us. Cheers!

How to Have More Fun in Bed

Whee! My latest column for Make it Better is spicy! Follow the link to read 7 Naughty Ways to Have More Fun in Bed  based on advice and tips from women like you and me - including a creative use for the little candy pictured below. 

3 Reasons Women Look Better With Age

There's no avoiding it; our appearance is destined to change as we grow older.  Many of us dread the signs of aging because we've bought into the media hype that natural conditions like gray hair and wrinkles are ugly and unacceptable.

Well, I'm here to present an alternate view. Looking older does not mean looking worse! Women in their forties, fifties and beyond can look fantastic while still looking our age. We may not be as firm or unlined as we were in our 20s,  but we have some distinct advantages over our younger selves.

1. We've grown into our looks. As full-fledged women, our appearance expresses not only our heredity, but our personality, character and values. We've lost the baby fat, so to speak, and are emerging as distinctive, unique individuals. We're growing to look more authentically like ourselves - the glorious women we're meant to be - and nothing is more attractive  than that.

  

Coco Chanel

As Coco Chanel famously said, "Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty."

2. We're more confident. When we were young we blossomed with health and energy yet were plagued by doubts and insecurities. Now that we're older, we're past all the bullshit of asking for permission or caring what people think. We've got purpose and conviction and an agenda, dammit, and we're not looking to be rescued. This self-assuredness that comes with years is magnetic and sexy, and is cited as a main reason younger men say they are drawn to older women.

There's a kind of confidence that comes when you're in your 40s and 50s, and men find that incredibly attractive.”
Peggy Northrup, former Editor More Magazine

3. We have a better sense of style. Women over forty have learned how to dress. We've come to terms with our bodies and our lives and understand the styles and colors that work best for us. Once, we were tempted by the latest trends; now we invest in clothes that flatter, uplift and last. Oh boy, when I think of some of the awful looks I've sported over the years, I shudder. It took me a few decades to finally get it - I'm curvy and short. Pleated pants, loud prints, capris, ruffles, and shoulder pads might look good on a tall, lanky chicks, but they're banished from my wardrobe for ever. As are perms. Yikes.

For examples of all sorts of women who look better in their 40s and 50's than they ever did in their 20s, check out this gallery from More Magazine.  For fun, I've included some pics of my own.

Me at age 25

Me now, 48

And if you are over 40 and aren't feeling all that fabulous - girl, now's the time to shake things up! Here are some other posts that might interest you:

10 Items You Need to Have in Your Wardrobe

Weighing in on the Scale of Success

Facing Facts About My Face

Feline Fantasy (why I want to be a Cougar)

'Tis the Season for my Holiday Shopping Code of Conduct

The holidays are here, at least as far as retailers are concerned. I haven't even planned my Thanksgiving dinner, but the stores have been bedecked in Winter Wonderland themes and blaring Christmas carols since Halloween.

Some of you chicks have probably already finished your holiday shopping and, while I'm impressed by your efficiency, I'm resentful. Because the rest of us are about to become part of a teeming hoard of stressed-out, deal-seeking, time-crunched shoppers.

To make the experience more pleasant for all of us, I ask everyone to adhere to my Holiday Shopping Code of Conduct.

Shoppers
1. Give each other space.  The stores are crowded, but we still need our personal space. The ideal distance to maintain is a full arm's length, but at the very least do not touch, poke, or rub against another person with your body or belongings. It's upsetting.
2. Practice good line etiquette. No matter how merry, please refrain from whistling, talking loudly on your phone, or flossing your teeth (yes, I've actually seen this.) And move along with the line! Nothing is more frustrating than a shopper who doesn't notice when it's time to step up.
3. Stay home if you're sick. If you are hacking, sneezing, coughing or contagious, do us all a favor and shop online. We can't afford to get sick and besides, your body noises and mucus gross us out.
4. Wear actual clothes. Let's all agree that pjs are not acceptable attire in public - even on black Friday. C'mon, how hard is it to put on some pants? And while you're at it, put on deodorant too.

Salespeople
1. Let us pay the way we want. I know it's your job to ask me for my email and phone number and to join your frequent shopper program and open a credit card and donate to your charity. But if I choose not to participate, don't roll your eyes and snap huffily, "Well, fine, if you don't want to save 15%!" Call me crazy, but I just want to use my Visa.
2. Say "You're welcome." One of my pet peeves is the expression "no problem" as a response to my sincere thank you. It better not be a problem; I gave you a bunch of money! Instead of reassuring me that I didn't inconvenience you, why not say "glad to help" or "my pleasure" or  simply, "enjoy"?
3. Give thoughtful freebies. Everyone loves bonuses and samples, but the treat I'm most grateful for is a little bottle of chilled water that I can take a swig from, then slip into my purse. This is so nice! We shoppers work up a powerful thirst.

Everyone
Spread the cheer. If you have a chance to help another shopper out, do it. Share a tip or a coupon, hold the door for a mom struggling with a stroller, put items back neatly where you found them. And above all, use good manners. Everyone's nerves are frayed this time of year and a smile or kind word can go a long way toward making the season bright.

If you have any suggestions for a better holiday shopping experience, let me hear from you.

Otherwise, I'll see you at the mall!

Cool Cocktail for the Holidays

I made this drink for some girlfriends over the weekend,  and it was as pretty, bubbly and yummy as my guests.

The fresh squeezed lime is the secret ingredient - plan on squeezing lots of 'em. Oh, and my recipe should read  2 oz cranberry juice (not actual cranberries.) 

Cheers! 

Enamored With Oprah

I'm a little embarrassed to admit how enamored I am with Oprah Winfrey right now. I've had the opportunity to screen her newest show, Lifeclass, as well as attend a live (as in LIVE, as in Oprah is 15 feet away and I'm checking out her designer jeans and watching Andre touch up her hair) post-show taping, and tonight I'm attending another one.

Oprah taping her interactive new show for OWN, Lifeclass

Almost every woman in America has been touched by Oprah at some point. Even if you didn't watch her show regularly, you heard about it, or discussed an issue she exposed, or read a book she recommended or bought one of her favorite things as a Christmas gift. My book club has a longstanding joke that we have to bring up Oprah at every meeting, and over the years, we always have.

Oprah has been especially real to those of us living in the Chicago area. I've attended a couple tapings of her talk show - the Chef Art Smith cooking demonstration and the Everybody Loves Raymond cast farewell. I even ran into her years ago at her Big Bowl Restaurant (I think she was picking up some garlic smashed potatoes.)

And of course, as an inquisitive writer/blogger/journalist who's not-so-secret passion is to make it big on the stage or screen, I want Oprah's job.

But despite all of the above, I have never felt that Oprah was a mentor or role model to me personally. Her talk show struck me as was a well-oiled, slickly produced machine with Oprah acting as the masterful ringleader of a really big show. She was larger than life, she was talking to the masses, she was distant. It was fun and exciting to be part of her wildly emoting audience, but I didn't feel any intimate connection.

But with my recent exposure to Lifeclass, I'm experiencing Oprah in a whole new way. First of all, I love the format of the show - just Oprah talking to the camera (read my complete review.) I feel connected not only to her, but to her message, and most importantly, how it relates to ME. When I was at the live taping following the Lifeclass about Letting Go of Anger with guest Iyalana Vanzant, I was blown away by the real healing that occurred in that small, stripped down studio. I could physically feel the release of old grudges and buried hurts and the sweet relief of people being able to release the burden of their anger and move on. It was magical.

So here I am, 48 years old and kind of obsessed by Oprah for the first time. I think she's helping me get over my midlife crisis. 

Tonight I'm attending a second live taping following Oprah's Lifeclass. The topic for tonight is Joy Rising, and I believe Iyanla Vanzant will be Oprah's guest again. I don't know much about Iyanla Vanzant but I intend to go on Amazon and order all her books right this instant, because she was so inspiring when I saw her the first time.

Tonight's webcast will be shown on Oprah.com, her Facebook page and on the OWN cable network at 9pm Eastern/8pm Central. Look for me in the back of the audience, tweeting with my other blogger chick cohorts.

Procrastinating or Flirting - Which one is naughty?

Hello my Forty Fabulous friends! While I've been a bit quiet here, I continue to sound off on other sites. Here are two of my latest pieces that I hope you'll enjoy.


1. For The Succulent Wife, my new video on midlife crisis and how to get on with your life - because, I don't know about you, but I don't have time to waste.





2. And my latest Sex & the Suburbs column for Makeitbetter.net, a discussion on the merits of Flirting for Fun.
  

Flirting is a social art as old as Aristotle, and the upcoming holiday season is the perfect time to play the coquette.

It’s fun, it’s intellectual and it’s a bit of a thrill. Done correctly, a flirtation is a light, admiring, slightly sexy interaction that’s conducted purely for the pleasure of the moment.

In France, flirting is a way of life and every woman—regardless of her age or marital status—is considered fair game. Not to flirt is practically considered an insult. Here in the Midwest, single women can flirt their derrieres off, but women in relationships are more conflicted.

Tammy from Wilmette feels flirting is disloyal. “I don’t think it’s right to flirt with someone else’s husband,” she says. ( Read full article.)

Three Fabulous Finds for Under $50

Every once in a while I stumble on some great products I just have to share.  Last time it was hanky panky thongs and no-show bras; this time it's the world's most comfy shoe and two beauty products to die for.

1. Teva Mush Flyweight Flats - My Fall flip flop

I've been test driving a pair of these cute and colorful little flats for the last few weeks. The moment they arrived, I popped them on my bare feet and headed out for a walk with my West Highland Terrier, Kelly. Going for a long walk in new shoes with no socks sounds like an invitation for blisters, right?

Nope. These shoes barely weigh a thing ( a mere 3.4 oz) and are so flexible and breathable, there's no need to go through the painful breaking-in process most new shoes seem to require. I keep my "Mushes" by the front door for running out for errands, walks, to get the paper, etc. If only they'd make a pair with heels - I need the height!

Available at Alamo Shoes in Chicago for $45-50 a pair. Also available at teva.com. Mine ran true to size.

Also available in this strappy Mary Jane style

I chose the pink ballerina flat 

 2. Nars "The Multiple" in Orgasm
While the name alone makes this shimmery stick kind of irresistible, The Multiple can be used in so many ways, it's sure to satisfy you. Smooth it over cheeks, lips, eyes and skin - anywhere you want to add a rosy glow with a hint of sparkle. $39 at better department stores or at nars.com. Comes in a variety of shades, but Orgasm is most popular, of course.

3. Moroccan Hair Oil

I've been despairing that my hair has been so brittle, tangly, and bushy lately. I'd tried all sorts of deep conditioners and styling products, but nothing seemed to help - until a friend recommended this stuff! Just a few drops of Moroccan Oil on wet hair has turned my lackluster locks into the sleek, shiny tresses of my dreams. This luxurious oil is kind of expensive (my 3.4 oz bottle cost $44 at a nearby salon) but it's absolutely worth it.

Just a quick disclaimer - I'm not being compensated to promote these products, just passing on my discoveries like any good girlfriend. If you're interested in some of my prior picks, check out these posts:

http://fortyfabulous.blogspot.com/2010/01/tips-to-survive-long-cold-winter.html

http://fortyfabulous.blogspot.com/2008/03/marjies-mainstays.html

If anyone should be paying me, it should be Crest Whitestrips - I've mentioned them twice! Hello Procter & Gamble, do you hear me out there?