Friday, October 9, 2009

The Unexpected Upside of Divorce

Divorce isn't easy for either party, but it's especially painful for the spouse who's left behind. As Armando said, "It takes two to get married, but only one to get a divorce." However, as the dust of their marriages settles, both Armando and Lance have begun to feel that they've grown from the experience.

Armando feels his divorce "has been an awakening. I have a stronger sense of character since going through the crisis."

Lance agrees. "Divorce in a weird way has made me feel that I have a more valuable life perspective to share with my kids," he said. "I've been through something. If you asked me - when did you feel like you were a grown man? I'd say just this year."

Although both men opposed divorce and fought to keep their families together, they now see that they weren't getting what they needed from their marriages either.

One of Lance's oldest friends told him "You dodged a bullet. You don't want to grow old with a woman who was gonna treat you like shit and doesn't like you."

Lance feels he deserves to be treated better - to be appreciated - and in his current relationship, he is. Armando has also done a lot of thinking about what he wants from his next girlfriend.

"Relationship problems stem from yourself," he said. "You need to love yourself in a healthy way. Be connected, but not dependent. Leave some space." Armando jokes about looking for some T&A, but says the most important quality he's really seeking is trust.

"Once it's been violated, it takes work to get it back."

Since they've split from their wives, Vince, Armando and Marlon have discovered there are parts of living alone they really enjoy - especially the lack of conflict.

"I feel more peaceful, not stressed out, " said Marlon. "I enjoy my freedom and I can make decisions for myself without having to compromise all the time."

Of course, being single again brings newfound drama, and that has its upside too.

As Vince put it, "It makes you feel alive."

Coming up next: Monique - savoring life on her own.
And then: Warren, the man who loves women. Hundreds of them.


rn terri said...

This is so revealing. I know after my divorce, I did a lot of second guessing over hurting my ex. Even though the situation was bad, it is hard to hurt someone like that. He is happily remarried now as well, but he still has issues with me.

Marjie Killeen said...

I sympathized with the guys, who were still dealing with the aftershocks. They are nice men and when I was talking to them I couldn't help but wonder - what the heck were their ex-wives' problems anyway? But there are two sides to every story and I only heard one.

The Posse women who initiated their divorces say their exes are still mad at them and treat them much worse than husbands who did the leaving do. It's a mess. But you are happier now, I hope?

Brian Daniel said...

My book is titled "Upside of Divorce" for short, you can search it on Amazon.

I have been showing the many more upsides of divorce/separation compared to the downsides to many buyers and non-believers too. Thanks for that!

I'll copy your blogs t my blog (yesthereisanupsideofdivorce)on Google and it will feed to my author's page at Amazon too.

I have book discounts on my website self-help-products-and-services(com)

Thanks for your posts, Brian Daniel