Falling in love with a much younger man

Nora* is an actress, a writer, and an absolutely gorgeous woman. With her trim figure, tousled brown hair and flawless complexion, it's not a shocker that her most recent relationship was with a hot 34 year-old guy. The only surprise is that Nora is 50. She appears at least 10 years younger.

"You look fabulous!" I gasped when my friend Susan introduced us over dinner at Union in Evanston. "How do you do it?"

Nora shrugged. "I take care of myself - I eat well and I exercise," she said. "Genetics help. And I'm an actress, so I know how to stay thin."

I was eager to get the skinny on the slimming secrets of a professional actress, but Nora's regimen didn't offer up any shortcuts.

"When my pants start feeling tight, I exercise more and eat less."

Right. I sucked in my stomach and changed the subject.

Nora married her college sweetheart when she was 20 and gave birth to the first of two children at age 21. In her 30s she was one of the top commercial actresses in Chicago. Ten years ago, she and her husband split, flinging Nora into the unfamiliar, chaotic world of dating and sex.

Well, not that much sex.

"Here I was at my sexual peak, raring to go, and I couldn't find anyone to sleep with. I was worried I'd never get laid again," she remembers.

At last Nora found a guy that really turned her on: Paul. "We saw each other across the room at a networking event. It was instant attraction. My insides were vibrating."

Paul appeared to be about the same age as Nora, but as they got to know each other, one thing was clear. Paul wanted to have kids; Nora was finished with that. Even though they knew it wouldn't work in the long run, the connection was irresistible.

"We decided to have a love affair," said Nora.

Since they were living in the moment, it didn't matter that Paul was actually 12 years younger than Nora. Their relationship lasted about four months.

"It was a healing, nurturing and exciting experience for both of us."

At 46, Nora left Chicago to pursue her acting career in Los Angeles. That's when she met James - an aspiring writer who bartended at the theater where she performed. James was cute. He was confident. He was definitely interested in Nora. And at 30, he was really, really young.

Too young for Nora, she decided. Her own son was only five years younger. But James was there at the theater every night, watching her on stage, waiting for her after the show, asking her out. Nora refused to date him, but slowly, she got to know him. They became friends.

On the closing night of her play, James took Nora out for dinner. They went back to her place, listened to old record albums and talked and talked. The current between them crackled.

Finally James said, "Stand up. I want to kiss you."

Nora stood.

"I thought to myself that night - okay, just one more young man, and that's it."

Check back next time to find out how Nora & James' relationship developed and what love was like with a much younger guy.

*Not her real name.

Feline Fantasy

I want to be a cougar. Not the four-legged animal, silly. I want to be one of those glamorous confident older women who go on the prowl for younger men. Cougars are the “it” girls of choice right now. Fueled by TV shows like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives, women over forty are now seen as hot stuff. And well-known Hollywood couples like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have made the older woman/younger man pairing not only acceptable, but downright steamy.

I’m forty-four, the perfect age to be a cougar. I’ve got the right feisty attitude. In the dim light of a smoky bar, I can look darn sultry. The only thing stopping me from going out on the hunt for a young stud of my own is the brawny Irishman I’ve been married to for the last 16 years. Oh, and my two kids. But a girl can dream, can’t she?

If I wanted to kick it into Cougar-drive, I’d have lots of resources to help me out. Dating websites like GoCougar.com help older women and younger men find one another. The definitive book on the subject was written by Canadian author Valerie Gibson, “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men”. This guide tells you how to find and identify the different types of “prey,” prepare the perfect seduction, deal with body image problems during sex, and survive the inevitable break up. What more do you need to know?

Women prefer younger guys because they are more relaxed, have more energy, and are just more fun than older men (not to mention their smokin’ hot bods). Many receptive young men, referred to as “cougees,” welcome the attention of more mature women. They admire the gals’ confidence and experience. As one young cougee puts it, “Older women are sassy, bold, cerebral, know what they like, are good conversationalists and are incredibly delicious lovers. These things are a turn on.” Grrrrrreat!

The GoCougar.com website provides guys with tips too, like “tracking a cougar in her natural habitat.” Apparently, one of the most fertile hunting grounds is the supermarket. It’s true; I do spend a lot of time there. Hmm, just yesterday, a young guy was very chatty with me in the Costco meat department. Was I being stalked? A real cougar would have identified the signs and stalked him right back.

A man is considered officially younger if he is at least eight years your junior. But how young is too young? Dating men younger than your children is definitely a no-no. One rule of thumb allows you to date any man who is at least half your age plus seven years. At forty-four, that means anyone over 29 years old would be fair game for me. How exciting! Who could I date?

I eagerly logged onto my iMac to search for some potential targets. Josh Hartnett is 29, so he’s up for grabs. I could hook up with singers James Blunt and John Mayer (both 30) or actors Colin Ferrell (31) and Joaquin Phoenix (33.) Jude Law (35) gets my whiskers quivering, though he’s kinda getting up there. But while these guys are prime specimens, they aren’t exactly baggage free. They’ve got ripped abs and full heads of hair, but they have pasts checkered with messy relationships, legal troubles and children to support.

Just for comparison, I looked up some men my own age. Brad Pitt, John Stamos, Benjamin Bratt, Seal – these hotties were all born in 1963, and meow, they compare quite favorably to the younger set. And come to think of it, so does my forty-four year old Irishman. Okay. It’s fun to fantasize about catting around with younger guys, but I guess I’ll stick with the middle-aged dude snoozing on the couch next to me. He’s kind of cute when his mouth hangs open like that.

But you know I’m wearing lipstick and kitten heels the next time I head to Costco.