From You're So Vain to The Way I Am

Like many things I've blogged about, (tennis, kayaking with Orca, pole dancing) singing in a band is something I tried for the first time after turning 40. I can't tell you how exciting and frightening some of my first performances with Mid Life Crisis were. I  had no idea what I was doing, but  being part of a classic rock band was such a huge thrill, I had to give it a try.  


There's a video of me from those early days, passionately belting out "You're so Vain", completely off-key.  As my friend Cheryl can attest, it was so brutally bad, watching it made me curl into the fetal position and moan. But despite the humiliation of that awful performance, I didn't quit. I took voice lessons, I practiced scales, I learned how to negotiate a mic and a monitor. Thankfully, the Mid Life Crisis guys didn't kick me out. 


 I'm doing a lot more writing than singing these days, but Friday night I had the chance to perform a couple songs with Wendy Morgan's fabulous band at the Music Institute's Nichols Hall in Evanston. I watched some video of me singing, and you know what? I'm okay with it! 


In honor of how far I've come, here are a couple clips of me singing The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson and I Feel the Earth Move by Carole King. And I hope to God that older vid never shows up on the internet!




Thanks to these amazing  musicians, who would make even Rosanne Barr sound good: Dean Rolando (piano), Jim Cox (bass), and Bob Rummage (drums). Special guest Eric Schneider on sax.

“Do you want to be an artist and a writer, or a wife and a lover?” - Stevie Nicks

  One of the  cool things I've been doing since I turned 40 has been singing in a band. Our band plays classic rock songs from the 60s, 70s, and 80s; as a result, I've become enamored with groundbreaking rock chicks like Chrissie Hynde, Patti Smith, and Stevie Nicks.  Back in the day, these talented women had to make tough choices to succeed in a music industry dominated by men.

For Stevie Nicks, this meant taking a pass on motherhood.  "I made a conscious decision that I was not going to have children. I didn't want others raising them, and looking after them myself would get in the way of being a musician and writer."

Whoa - Stevie Nicks clearly viewed committed relationships as roadblocks to reaching her full potential. Isn't this kind of anti-feminist? Come on, Stevie, I know you're pushing 60, but even in your day, women could be both mothers and artists, lovers and writers. It just takes hard work, resourcefulness, and a little compromise.

But Stevie Nicks didn't want to make compromises - instead, she made a choice. The radical thing about her choice was that she put the highest value on her own creativity and self-expression.

Not all the early rockers made the same decision. Chrissie Hynde has two daughters; even the the androgynous Patti Smith has a couple kids. Did their art suffer by becoming mothers? Well...maybe. Patti Smith was quoted as saying, "If I have any regrets, I could say that I'm sorry I wasn't a better writer or a better singer."

Stevie wouldn't change a thing. Recently, when asked if she regretted not having children, she answered, "Would I really want to give up all those years of singing? Would I just have been not that great a mom and not that great a singer because I tried to do both?"

I put my career on  hold to stay home with my kids, so I definitely didn't follow Stevie Nick's path. Still, I admire (and maybe even envy) her for prioritizing her life as an artist and being brave enough to live on her own terms.