Saturday, June 8, 2013

6 Ways to Communicate Better with Your Man

A couple months ago I gave a talk to a men's group on how to build intimacy in long-term relationships. The guys were attentive and sincerely interested in how to get closer to their wives/female partners. At the end of the session, I turned it around and asked  - What can women do to get closer to you men? Surprisingly, most of their issues weren't around sex, they were about communication. Apparently, the way we women carry on conversations can be confusing, frustrating, and even painful for men.

The discussion inspired my latest column for Make it Better. Ladies, if you want to communicate more effectively with your guy, try these techniques, below. 

How to Talk to Your Man
1. State your purpose. Do you just want to share a story or are you looking for his help? Men are solution-driven, so telling your guy what you want will help him actively listen.
2. Start at the beginning and proceed sequentially. Men are logical thinkers and get frustrated when women bounce between subjects or go off on tangents.
3. Touch him. Men are less verbal than women and value affectionate physical contact. Hold his hand or touch his shoulder, and he’ll pay closer attention to you.
4. Don’t expect him to guess how you feel. He really doesn’t know and would appreciate you telling him. 
5. Focus on him. You can chat with your girlfriend while folding laundry or balancing your checkbook, but men operate by giving their full attention to one thing at a time and find other activity distracting. 
6. Turn up the charm. According to “The Normal Bar,” a comprehensive relationship study of more than 70,000 people, criticism and bossiness undermine intimacy in a relationship.
Let me know if you have any success with these tips or would like to share your own! Read the full article at, (including tips for how men should talk to us) by following this link: