Hey Mom - Meredith and I Are Not Too Old

My mom, Jane, had her high school friends, Janet and Cathy, come stay with her in Florida for a week and she showed them this blog, including some of the video segments I've done. "Did they like it?" I asked her over the phone.

"Oh yes," Mom burbled, "They said you should be a talk show host!" Then she paused. "But I told them you were too old."

I was flabbergasted. "Mom, I'm not too old. How can you say that?"

"Well..." she demurred. "How old is that Meredith person?"

"Meredith Vieira is older than me, and so is Ellen, and so is Oprah for God's sake! Talk show hosts are not necessarily young." I was suddenly very upset at the thought of my professional talk show hosting days being over before they'd even begun.

"Okay, dear, if you say so." But from the tone of her voice, I could tell she wasn't convinced.

I'm used to my kids telling me I'm too old for things, but there's a special sting when your mother says it. I mean, she's a whole generation ahead of me, so who is she to call me old, huh?

To be a good talk show host you need life experience, intelligence, and a sense of humor - traits that often aren't fully developed until you hit 40 or so. And there's really no age limit to hosting a show if the topic is interesting enough. Sex educator Sue Johanson has a very successful show on Oxygen TV called "Talk Sex" and she is 78.

I've decided that my mom's comments reflect more on how she's feeling about her own age, not mine. I mean - if your daughter is too old for certain activities, then you must be really ancient. But cheer up Mom. I'm young enough to host my own talk show and so are you!

Not Tonight Dear, I've Got to Meditate

Now here's an alternative lifestyle worth considering. A recent New York Times article profiled the One Taste Urban Retreat Center in San Francisco, a coed living commune dedicated to the female orgasm.

The center opens its yoga and meditation classes to the public, but only residents can participate in "morning practice," a private session of Orgasmic Meditation (OM-ing for short.) During OM, women are carressed by their fully-dressed, eye-averting "research partners" with whom they are not necessarily romantically involved. Their mutual goal is the woman's fulfillment.

The founder of the center, Nicole Daedone, believes this technique is essential for female empowerment. "I don't think women will really experience freedom until they own their sexuality," she says. The male research partners also get benefits from the OM sessions, like relaxation and increased concentration at work.

We Midwesterners are notoriously prudish, and as far as I can tell, no one is holding OM sessions here in the Chicago area. But purely in the interest of female equality, I'm going to keep an eye out.

What's in For Spring

In this three minute video Kate Shifrin gives us a peek at the key fashion trends for Spring. Winter is almost over gals - it's time to come out of the closet in color!

In Reality, Moms of Teens Deserve Top Spot

Reality shows have taken over the airwaves. The contestants of American Idol, Top Chef, America's Next Top Model and Project Runway face off in intense singing, cooking, cat-walking and fashion design competitions. Please, what a bunch of wimps. I'm proposing a reality show that's really hardcore - Top Mom: The Teen Edition.

Moms are tough cookies to begin with. In addition to nurturing, they're masters of multi-tasking and efficiency. As author Lisa Ather says, "Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease."

But motherhood hits a new level of difficulty when kids reach adolescence. Teens can be rebellious, secretive, moody and reckless - and moms have to use all their physical, mental and emotional skills to keep up.

My reality show would put macho moms in the limelight as they compete in events that test their ability to:

1) Maintain composure while teaching teen to parallel park.
2) Deliver tricky "Don't Have Sex But if You do, Use a Condom" speech.
3) Develop surveillance methods to covertly track teen's whereabouts.
4) Withstand barrages of sarcasm and disdain without losing self esteem.
5) Load minivan with drum kit, guitar, bass, amps, music stands and five 14-year-old boys (timed event.)

Even Simon Cowell would agree that performing any one of these feats requires a lot more talent and commitment than singing a pop song or preparing a souffle. Top Mom: The Teen Edition would tap into a whole demographic that is currently ignored by reality shows and appeal to advertisers like Prozac and Grey Goose vodka.

I'm calling Tyra Banks right now to give her my pitch.