Really listen to this

My friend, singer-songwriter Stephanie Rogers, performing her song "Daisy Petal in the Dirt." The lyrics are killer.

Forty Fabulous Field Trip: Museum of Sex

Museum of Sex, NYC

I'd  never heard of the Museum of Sex in New York City until I discovered it on my iphone map this weekend, a mere block from our lunch destination - the famous Shake Shack in Madison Square Park.

As a dark-tressed, breaking-bad, forty-fabulous sex columnist, I consider it my professional duty to investigate all museum quality aspects of sex. If it's on exhibit in a museum, it's gotta be worth knowing, right?

So, as my patient husband waited in line for 45 minutes to order our Shackburgers, I walked up 5th Avenue, entered through the museum's chic gift store, bought a $16.75 ticket, and stepped into the dimly lit gallery.

Sorta kinky.

The stated mission of the Museum of Sex is "to preserve and present the history, evolution and cultural significance of human sexuality."

I expected to see exhibits about stuff like the erotic secrets of the ancient Greeks, the origin of the Kamasutra, and maybe some kinky, rubberized S&M contraptions. I expected the museum to be hot.

Alas, it was not.

The first floor exhibit was all video, showing how sex has been depicted in film over the last century. Most of it was ho-hum - rapturously emoting silent film stars, bloodthirsty vampires,  etc,  - although there were a few snippets of graphic porn and disturbing Japanese anime thrown in.

It's not all about size,  Mr. Roboto

"Respect the privacy of your fellow museum patrons." advised a discreet sign. No problem. I wasn't looking to make friends.

The second floor had some interesting pieces, such as life-size male and female sex dolls, sculptures crafted from colorful dildos, and a series entitled "Sex Lives of Robots"(see left.) Phallic symbols abounded.

The rest of the second floor was devoted to the history of the condom and the fight against sexually transmitted diseases. While educational, this exhibit didn't do much to promote sex in my book. The pictures of lesion-covered syphilis sufferers made an excellent case for abstinence.

I found some comic relief on the 3rd floor, which displayed the wide, wide world of sex in the animal kingdom. Guess what? Animals have homosexual, group and oral sex too. They even masturbate. But after watching a video of a poor little turtle trying to pleasure himself against a rock, I'd had enough.

Homosexual and group sex is common in
 the animal kingdom. Honestly, who cares?

The gift shop was fun, but overall, my visit to the Museum of Sex was rather anti-climactic.

Lunch at the Shake Shack, however, was delicious!

Crossing over to the Dark Side

I did something impulsive this morning. I dyed my hair back to its natural color. Well, I think it's my natural color. I've been highlighting my hair for most of my adult life, so I can't really be sure.

The problem with highlights, aside from the expense and time at the salon, is that they bleach out in the sun. Over the summer, some of my professionally applied streaks had actually turned white.  It looked weird and unnatural. Yesterday, I looked in the mirror and wondered how I'd turned into an over-processed blonde chick, when I identify so strongly as a brunette.

Before: Me on Saturday

So, today, I picked up a box of L'Oreal Excellence to Go at Walgreens and, voila! Ten minutes and ten bucks later, this is the new me.

Hmmm. 

After: This morning after my $10 in home treatment

I'm not sure if it's an improvement or not, but sometimes, change - any change - is a good thing. I'm going to use my new, natural-ish hair color to embrace my dark side. I'm not just perky and polite, you know. I'm deep. I'm tortured. I can be a bad, bad girl.

Yes, I have to fold the laundry, water the plants and write three thank you notes. But after that, man, I am going to go fucking crazy.

Now, all I need is a Thelma to ride shotgun.

Francesca's photos - 'Oh my god, that's me?'

This is the second part of a series about Francesca's boudoir photography experience. To read Part 1, click here or scroll down.

When Francesca, 44, went to view her photos from her Enamour shoot, she felt like a movie star at a screening.

"I was giggling and nervous about what I was going to see," she said, "but there were so many great shots to choose from. Some of them put a huge smile on my face. I had never, ever felt that way about myself. I was mesmerized, thinking -oh my god, that's me?"

The shoot itself had been a treat, mostly because co-owners Gina and Sylvi made her so feel so comfortable.

"It was a blast! I was the center of attention and Gina and Sylvi put me totally at ease. We laughed a lot." Francesca continued, "I'm not a model, but they selected poses that were very natural and easy for me to do. I felt like I was this magnificent beauty."

Now that Francesca has seen the pictures (some of her favorites are shown here ) she can't wait to hang them on her wall at home.

"The photos captured a part of me that I don't see in myself - confident and beautiful. Now, when I look at them they'll be a reminder."

She's also excited for her husband to see the pics. "He always tells me that I'm beautiful, but when I feel that way.... I can't wait!"

Maybe there's a side of you that's itching to be explored. Enamour packages start at $450. For more information- or just for fun - visit their website at www.enamourphotography.com.

Enamour's Gina Sanders & Sylvi Davidson

Picture this: the hot model in the glossy photo is YOU

Look through your photo albums or files. Do you like the way you look? How many of your pictures portray you at your best - as radiant, confident, sexy and gorgeous?

Not many I bet. In fact, I bet you're hardly in many of them, because we women are often the ones taking the pictures of everybody else.

Yeah, the kids look cute and the scenery is beautiful. But don't we deserve to have some pictures of ourselves where we aren't squinting into the wind, serving up birthday cake, or wearing a clown costume?

 Francesca relaxes as Sylvi applies her make up.

We're surrounded with images of beautiful, sultry women like Jenifer Aniston, Christina Hendricks, and Halle Berry. But even for those lovely actresses, flattering photographs take effort. They've been professionally made up, lit, posed, and retouched.

Here on the North Shore, you can get some of that star treatment for yourself.  Sylvi Davidson and Gina Sanders of Enamour Photography in Highland Park are devoted to bringing out the inner and outer beauty of regular chicks like us and capturing it on film. Women of all ages, sizes and stages come to them for an intimate photo session designed to showcase and celebrate their unique beauty.

I had the opportunity to join them as they prepped Francesca, a 44 year-old wife and mom, for her Enamour experience.

Francesca was hesitant about doing what's known as a "boudoir photography" session at first, but she's had a tough year. Work, parenting and helping a family member through an illness had left her exhausted and stressed out.

"I'd like to do something special and intimate for myself," she said, "To remind me of who I am."

Francesca was a bit nervous about posing provocatively. "I'm worried that I might look or feel silly," she said. "But I know Gina and Sylvi will make me feel comfortable."

Gina tests the lighting for the shoot.

That's for sure.  Gina, Enamour's photographer, and creative director/make-up artist Sylvi are incredibly nurturing, positive and passionate about their work. Their goal for a shoot is to create a safe haven where their client can relax and celebrate herself.

"We make our client the center of attention - and she loves it," said Sylvi.

"We help her see all the little parts of herself that are beautiful," added Gina. "Women on the North Shore are very critical of their appearance. Here, they are lifted up, not put down."

The experience can be powerful and transforming. Many women, when they first see their portfolio and how sensuous and plain hot they look, burst into tears.

 "They've never seen themselves this way before," said Sylvi. "This is girl therapy."

Francesca was hopeful she'd feel the same way. "I feel like I look good," she said, "but I'm not that confident. I'd like to push the boundaries today. I  hope to discover something deeper about my inner self. And, I'd like to have fun!"

I didn't stay for the shoot itself, but the lead-up was nothing but fun. Sylvi applied gorgeous, dramatic make-up to Francesca, and she and Gina helped Francesca select a variety of sexy (but tasteful) outfits to pose in. While some Enamour clients do choose to pose in the nude, that wasn't Francesca's plan. Her shoot was going to be in the style of old Hollywood glamour.

"I hope I look fabulous," she said, beginning to get excited. "I'd like to have a couple nice pieces to share with my daughter one day, to show her you can be beautiful inside and out at any age."

Of course, Francesca's husband is looking forward to seeing the photographs too. Check back in a few days to see the results of Francesca's shoot as we share some of her favorite shots here.

For more information about Enamour, visit their website at www.enamourphotography.com.

Late Life Lesbians. Let's Discuss.

It has been a hot topic all over the airwaves lately - on Oprah, the Today Show, and The View. Women who had traditional marriages and families are leaving their husbands for other women.  

Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni

Okay, I admit it, this is a trend I'm curious about. I'm married, I'm a mom, I've always been attracted to men and I'm hot for my husband. Is there something about middle age that's going to make me start playing for the other team?


Sex and the City actress Cynthia Nixon spent 15 years with the father of her two children before falling in love with education activist Christine Marinoni in her late thirties. Had Nixon always been a lesbian? She says no.

"It wasn't something in me that was waiting to come out. It was like, this person is undeniable. How can I let this person walk by?"

Meredith Baxter, who played the liberal mom from the hit 80's TV show "Family Ties," was married three times and had five children. It wasn't until she was in her mid-fifties that she realized that she preferred being with women. She spoke with Matt Lauer about the experience on the Today Show.

"I am a lesbian, and it was a later-in-life recognition," Baxter said. " I got involved with someone I never expected to get involved with, and it was that kind of awakening.  I never fought it because it was like, oh, I understand why I had the issues I had early in life. I had a great deal of difficulty connecting with men in relationships.”

While Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View thinks women turn to other women in middle age because "all the older men are going for younger women, leaving the older women with no one" (click here to see her make her case to astonished co-host Joy Behar) I highly doubt desperation for companionship is the motive.

According to Shayna Goldstein, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who specializes in LGBT issues at the Family Institute of Northwestern University,  women who leave their marriages for other women tend to follow two paths. The first group of women, like Cynthia Nixon, feel they happened to fall in love with a person who happens to be female. Their romantic feelings are specific to an individual and they don't necessarily identify themselves as lesbian.

The second group of women have known they were attracted to other women for a long time, but never gave themselves permission to act on those feelings. It isn't until later in life - when they'd developed more self-awareness and confidence - that they were able to admit and act upon their true desires.

When writing about this topic for an upcoming issue of Make it Better Magazine, I interviewed Maureen Watson, a dynamic gallery owner and former business executive who lives with her female partner of eight years in Florida. Maureen, 62, has been married twice - spending a total of 25 years with her two husbands. When she was younger, she liked men and had satisfying physical relationships with them, but in between marriages, she also had "flings" with women.

"When I wasn't with a man, I was with a woman," she told me.

But Maureen was brought up in a strict Catholic household and in her community it was inconceivable that a woman be with another woman. So, despite having had female encounters, it wasn't until she was 48 and divorced for the second time that Maureen allowed herself to fall in love and have a real, committed relationship with a woman. She she decided to tell the people close to her about her relationship.

"I realized, I'm older now, so who the hell cares what people say? And society had become more accepting," she said. Her conservative parents certainly had.

"My mother simply said, 'that's nice dear, you always did think differently, now what should we have for lunch?'"

Since then, Maureen has only been with women and has no intention of dating men - "Relationships with women are just much more interesting!" - but coming out as a lesbian has been a gradual process that even talking to me for this interview is a part of.

"It's an evolution of finding out who you are," she said. She thinks sexuality falls along a bell curve. "Some of us are probably born gay and some of us are born hetero, but the rest of us fall someplace in between. It's hard to label yourself."

Labels about women's sexual orientation may becoming a thing of the past anyway. There's a new concept emerging called "sexual fluidity." In her book, Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire, psychologist Lisa Diamond presents a study of women who have had relationships with both men and women over time, but don't fit into any fixed definition of gay, straight, or bi-sexual.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this one, girls!

Not this year, dear... I have a headache

 Click here to read my article about sexless marriages at MakeitBetter.net.

Inspired Author Encourages Soulful Parenting

In many ways, Wilmette educator and author Annie Burnside, M.Ed, is a typical, down-to-earth mom. She drives a minivan, reads to her kids, blasts music while cooking dinner, and isn’t above grabbing a drink with her girlfriends.

What’s different about Annie is that she infuses even the most mundane tasks with spirituality and joy and guides her three children to do the same.  Annie calls her van the “Spirit Mobile”, chooses the music she rocks out to for its uplifting themes, and sees a simple trip to the grocery store as an opportunity for enlightenment.

Annie is on a mission to raise spiritually conscious children, and in her new book, Soul to Soul Parenting, she encourages the rest of us to do the same.  Judging from her radiant appearance and infectious laugh, the chick is on to something big.  Annie exudes good vibes.

A former elementary teacher and longtime student of metaphysical and spiritual principles such as those espoused by Eckhart Tolle, Annie experienced such joy and fulfillment from her own spiritual awakening that she had to share the process with her husband and young children.  Based on her experience, Soul to Soul Parenting provides a practical, non-denominational framework for families to integrate spirituality into everyday life.

Sigh, I can hear some of you thinking, it’s hard enough to get my kids to do their homework and pick up their clothes!

Relax. Soul to Soul Parenting is not some rigid system. Annie invites readers to choose from the themes and methods she presents to find what works for them. And anyway, most of her recommendations are fun!

From holding family meetings and creating rituals to appreciating nature, art and movies, Annie’s goal is that families to “crank up the joy” and tap into a higher level of consciousness. She also presents universal themes to explore - such as compassion, empathy, self-love, gratitude and forgiveness.

“My goal is not to overwhelm you with your already full parenting plates,” she says, “but to empower you to broaden and enhance your family’s spiritual life and lead the way for your children to become conscious of a larger life perspective than the physical senses allow.”

For more information on Annie Burnside, her book and her work as a soul nurturer, visit her website:  www.annieburnside.com.

It's fun, it's healthy, and you're never too old for it...

...it's sex of course! Check out my recent article from Makeitbetter.net.

Sexy at Every Age

In the 2003 movie “Something’s Gotta Give,” audiences were surprised and delighted to see Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson get steamy between the sheets.

Last year, audiences were titillated by Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin’s lusty bedroom antics in “It’s Complicated.”

The popularity of these movies underscores two things: 1) mature adults (especially women) are all too rarely depicted as passionate or sensual in the media, and 2) people with their AARP cards are still very interested in getting it on.

Sex for the health of itWell, why not? Healthy adults can have pleasurable sex lives at any age, and they should. According to Wilmette internist Dr. Todd Newberger, sex is always good for you.

“Physical intimacy is an enormous part of healthy adult relationships,” he says. “It helps people maintain closeness and feel young and vibrant.” And there are real health benefits as well. “If the equipment is being used, it is likely to keep performing well.”

Sex is particularly beneficial to men – it keeps their prostate healthy. Newberger will jokingly write prescriptions for men over 65 saying “more orgasms” to take home to their wives.

Older couples have advantages when it comes to maintaining an active sex life. With their kids grown, they have more privacy and time to focus on their relationship.

Mamie, 66, from Deerfield, says of her marriage to Ted, 62, “An important part of our identity as a couple is that we are lovers.” Yet, she admits that when she and Ted visit kids and grandchildren, it’s harder to wrap her mind around sex. “Ted will say, `I can see you’ve switched into mother mode now.’”

However, the physical changes that come with age mean that mature adults have to change their attitudes about what comprises a satisfying sexual encounter. Certain positions or activities may become less comfortable or even impossible. And while Viagra has helped men maintain their vigor, women don’t always appreciate its one-sided benefits.

Dr. Newberger encourages his male patients to include their wives in the Viagra decision and reminds them, “There isn’t just one way to satisfy your wife.”

Mamie and Ted enjoy being creative. They’ve both had hip replacements, so they can’t swing from chandeliers, but they aren’t shy about integrating videos or battery-operated devices to perk things up. Mamie bought some special lingerie to surprise Ted on their anniversary. “It’s important to keep things fresh,” she says.

Men and women who become single after many years of marriage can find the current sexual landscape both confusing and exciting. The rules of courtship from their youth no longer apply.

While the abundance of partners and relaxed sexual mores might be fun to experience for the first time, sex at any age comes with risks. According to Newberger, the incidence of sexually transmitted disease (STDs) in retirement communities is the same as on college campuses. In other words, sexually active older adults no longer have to worry about pregnancy, but they still have to act responsibly.

VOTE for ME to become the Next Oprah

I've been visualizing this since November. Now Oprah is running a contest to discover the next big talk show talent. Please take a look at my audition video (similar to the one I made pitching myself back in the fall.) Then VOTE FOR ME by following this link to Oprah's OWN website.

I promise you front row tickets to my show!



I sure hope this comes off as funny.