Moms, do you wanna be a MILF?

The term "Milf," which originated as an acronym for the crude term Mother I'd Like to F*@k, has evolved into a semi-legit noun that creates mixed feelings amongst we moms. I mean, we're not interested in the attention of guys young enough to be our sons (are we?) but we'd still appreciate being considered hot by other men.

Check out my article at Make it Better where I delve into the contradictions of this term and interview author Sarah Maizes about her fun new book, Got Milf? The modern mom's guide to feeling fabulous, looking great and rocking a minivan.


Milfs seem to be the sexy older chicks of choice in the media these days, but I still have a fondness for the classic Cougars which I wrote about admiringly a few years back. Follow the link to my article "Feline Fantasy" to reminisce with me!

And check back tomorrow, when I give a sneak peek to my interview with Carolyn Evans, author of Forty Beads - the Simple Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage.

Love with a younger man - how much difference does age make?

This is the second part of a story about Nora, a beautiful actress who fell in love with a much younger man. For part 1, scroll down or click here.

You know the stereotypical Cougar relationship where the predatory, well-preserved woman seduces a hot young stud, tutors him in the ways of love, and trots him around to chic bistros and art galleries until the attraction wears off?

Nora and James' relationship was nothing like that.

Since they were friends before they dated, Nora, 46, and James, 30, had a lot in common from the start. Both worked in the arts, they shared many of the same interests and goals. And unlike Nora's prior lover, kids weren't an issue for James - he didn't want any.

Within just a few dates, Nora was crazy about James and they fell into an intimate, laid-back routine. They spent all their free time together, working out, riding bikes, writing, cooking and hanging out at the farmers' market. In LA, eclectic couples were everywhere; Nora didn't feel self-conscious about being with a guy who was obviously younger.

She certainly didn't feel intellectually superior to James - he was the one who taught her things. He taught her how to text message, helped fix things around the house, and even helped her write the screenplay she was working on.

"He made my life so much easier," she said. And he adored her.

He asked Nora, "Did you ever think you'd be loved so much?"

Sigh.

James wasn't the tall, dark and handsome type Nora usually fell for. He was boyishly charming, but when he took off his clothes, he was all man. Not only was he ripped, he was.... well, as Nora put it, "I could see where he got his confidence."

Their love life was very, um, satisfying. Eventually they moved in together.

Their relationship flourished for over a year in California, but James wanted to pursue his writing career back in Boston. He begged Nora to move there with him.

Things were different after they moved. Their simple LA lifestyle was staggeringly expensive in Boston. James had to work at three different jobs just to pay the bills. Nora wasn't getting much work as an actress and took a job as an administrative assistant in a medical office. She thought about going back to school.

Their jobs kept them so busy they rarely saw one another. Through his work, James made a lot of new friends who he hung out with after hours. Nora felt excluded and lonely.

When James suggested she apply to school in Chicago to be closer to her kids, Nora knew it was the beginning of the end. Ten days after she moved to Chicago, he broke up with her on the phone.

That was a year ago. Nora hasn't seen him since.

"It doesn't work out with younger men," she told me. "Men in their 30's change."

She wonders now if James didn't want to introduce her to his new friends in New York because she was so much older.

Nora isn't entirely over James but she's moving on with her life in Chicago. She's working, studying and has reconnected with her family and friends. She has even dated a couple of guys her own age, which has been an adjustment after being with hard-bodied James for four years.

"I went out with a 52 year old man and when he kissed me good night, his big belly made contact before his lips. I went inside my house and cried."

Nora isn't interested in another young guy, but she would like a man who is fit and healthy and takes care of himself, like she does. For now, she's in no hurry.

"I've decided not to be looking. I need to get whole as a person."

Ms. Matchmaker's tips on meeting your match

Jill Rudman of Highland Park (pictured) is a professional matchmaker and she's so warm and upbeat, I almost wish I needed her services. Jill helps Chicago and North Shore singles meet the guy or gal of their dreams - or she gets pretty darn close.

Of course, Jill, AKA "Ms. Matchmaker," has her own opinions about what makes a great match.

"I do not believe that opposites attract," she told me. "I think people get along best when they come from the same background, family, religion, and have the same outlook on life."

Jill also believes a match works best when the man and woman are about the same age. Hey, what about all those hot cougar relationships I keep hearing about?

Sorry ladies, but Jill says it ain't happening.

"I'm not seeing a lot of guys looking for older women out there," she said. Bunny from the Posse was right!

Once Jill has found two people she thinks will click, she has the man call the woman to invite her out. "I'm old fashioned, I believe the man should be a gentleman, ask the woman out and pay for the first date."

What happens on the date is up to the couple. But Ms. Matchmaker has some advice for women when meeting a man for the first time. Here are her guidelines for a successful first date.

1. Dress appropriately. Men like women who take care of themselves and make an effort, but they don't like sleazy. So, don't show too much skin or slather on the make-up. Guys find this intimidating. (We've heard this same thing from Warren, a couple posts back.)

2. Be positive. Talk about the good things in your life, be interested and upbeat. By no means bash your Ex or discuss personal problems. It's way too soon; you want to make a good impression.

3. Act like a lady. Don't drink too much, smoke too much or use foul language. It might be fun, but this early in the game, it's a turnoff.

4. Give the guy a chance. Jill has had clients tell her, "he was so close, but we had no spark." Sometimes it takes a couple dates for attraction to develop - if you like him as a person, stay open.

5. Finally, be kind. Even if you're 100% sure there is no future, you still want the guy to leave feeling interested in you and having had a nice time. You might bump into him again, and who knows? He might have a friend or a brother.

To learn more about Ms. Matchmaker Jill Rudman, visit her website: www.gotdates.biz.

Dating Younger Men - How low can you go before it gets icky?

My experience dating younger men has been limited to my husband, who is a measly 5 months younger than me. But I've taken a vicarious delight in the the current Cougar trend. Why shouldn't a woman date a man 10 or 15 years younger than she is? I think it's empowering for women - a leveling of the playing field, so to speak. The idea of being in a relationship with a buff, open-minded, uncomplicated young guy is appealing. But after seeing the movie Cheri starring Michelle Pfieffer, I think I've found my limit.

In the film, Michelle Pfeiffer (51) plays Lea, a turn of the century French courtesean who takes a colleague's 19-year-old son under her wing and quickly, into her bed. Her bad boy lover, Cheri, (played by Rupert Friend, actually 27) is a vapid, self-absorbed dolt. But Lea manages to overlook his moral and intellectual failings and their six year romance blossoms - almost entirely between the sheets.

Michelle Pfeiffer is gorgeous, but the 30 year age difference between the characters made me queasy. And while the plot and characters in Cheri are fictitious, there are recent real-life relationships with age disparities that clearly cross into "ick" territory, such as:

Linda Hogan (49) and boyfriend Charlie Hill (19)
After splitting with hubby Hulk Hogan, Linda quickly found new romance with one of her daughter Brooke's high school classmates. Apparently Brooke isn't too happy about it. Okay, let's agree on this. If the dude is younger than your kids, just stay away.

Madonna (50) and model Jesus Luz (22)
Madonna has made a career out of being provocative, so at first her new young stud didn't surprise me. Then I thought back to Madonna's marriage to Sean Penn in 1985. Gals, let's also abide by this rule - don't date anyone who wasn't alive at the time of your first wedding, it's tacky.

To be fair, there are plenty of older men/younger women relationships that are even more repellent, such as Billy Joel (60) and soon to be ex-wife Katie Lee Joel (27.) The worst is probably Woody Allen (73) and his wife Soon Yi Previn (38), since Soon Yi is the adopted daughter of Woody's former lover, Mia Farrow. But we women should aspire to higher standards than those guys. It's one thing to have a relationship with a younger man, but perhaps after 40, we need to leave the boys alone.

The Latest Word on Women over 40

Last Sunday, the New York Times Magazine claimed its favorite new word of the year to be frugalista,  defined as "a person who lives a frugal lifestyle but stays fashionable and healthy by swapping clothes, buying secondhand, growing own produce, etc."  Frugalista was made popular by Miami Herald reporter Natalie McNeal's blog, The Frugalista Files, which provides tips for living "the frugal side of fabulous."

I'm motivated.  I blog, I write about being fabulous - I want to invent a new word for the dictionary too. So here are few new terms I've come up with to describe cool chicks over the age of 40. New Oxford American Dictionary, are you listening?

• Fortabulista  - A fabulous woman over forty who conducts her life with zest and creativity. Can also be an adjective - "Wow, you are so fortabulistic!"
  
• Fortgetful  - When a woman can't be bothered to recall her actual age after turning ... um, I forget. 
  
• Kenopause  - The phase of life when a woman no longer requires a perfect man to live happily ever after.
  
• Grandivma - a glamorous, rockin' grandmother.
  
• Hotorty - A hot woman over 40.  Hotifty for those over 50. "Did you see how that hotorty rocked her mini-skirt?"  I dunno. Maybe this one is ruined by the "ho" prefix.
  

Okay, not all of these terms may make it into the American vocabulary, much less the dictionary. But our age and stage do require some new definition, don't you think? And "cougar" is so 2007. 

I'll keep working on it, but in the meantime, go out there and have a fortabulous day!

Feline Fantasy

I want to be a cougar. Not the four-legged animal, silly. I want to be one of those glamorous confident older women who go on the prowl for younger men. Cougars are the “it” girls of choice right now. Fueled by TV shows like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives, women over forty are now seen as hot stuff. And well-known Hollywood couples like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have made the older woman/younger man pairing not only acceptable, but downright steamy.

I’m forty-four, the perfect age to be a cougar. I’ve got the right feisty attitude. In the dim light of a smoky bar, I can look darn sultry. The only thing stopping me from going out on the hunt for a young stud of my own is the brawny Irishman I’ve been married to for the last 16 years. Oh, and my two kids. But a girl can dream, can’t she?

If I wanted to kick it into Cougar-drive, I’d have lots of resources to help me out. Dating websites like GoCougar.com help older women and younger men find one another. The definitive book on the subject was written by Canadian author Valerie Gibson, “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men”. This guide tells you how to find and identify the different types of “prey,” prepare the perfect seduction, deal with body image problems during sex, and survive the inevitable break up. What more do you need to know?

Women prefer younger guys because they are more relaxed, have more energy, and are just more fun than older men (not to mention their smokin’ hot bods). Many receptive young men, referred to as “cougees,” welcome the attention of more mature women. They admire the gals’ confidence and experience. As one young cougee puts it, “Older women are sassy, bold, cerebral, know what they like, are good conversationalists and are incredibly delicious lovers. These things are a turn on.” Grrrrrreat!

The GoCougar.com website provides guys with tips too, like “tracking a cougar in her natural habitat.” Apparently, one of the most fertile hunting grounds is the supermarket. It’s true; I do spend a lot of time there. Hmm, just yesterday, a young guy was very chatty with me in the Costco meat department. Was I being stalked? A real cougar would have identified the signs and stalked him right back.

A man is considered officially younger if he is at least eight years your junior. But how young is too young? Dating men younger than your children is definitely a no-no. One rule of thumb allows you to date any man who is at least half your age plus seven years. At forty-four, that means anyone over 29 years old would be fair game for me. How exciting! Who could I date?

I eagerly logged onto my iMac to search for some potential targets. Josh Hartnett is 29, so he’s up for grabs. I could hook up with singers James Blunt and John Mayer (both 30) or actors Colin Ferrell (31) and Joaquin Phoenix (33.) Jude Law (35) gets my whiskers quivering, though he’s kinda getting up there. But while these guys are prime specimens, they aren’t exactly baggage free. They’ve got ripped abs and full heads of hair, but they have pasts checkered with messy relationships, legal troubles and children to support.

Just for comparison, I looked up some men my own age. Brad Pitt, John Stamos, Benjamin Bratt, Seal – these hotties were all born in 1963, and meow, they compare quite favorably to the younger set. And come to think of it, so does my forty-four year old Irishman. Okay. It’s fun to fantasize about catting around with younger guys, but I guess I’ll stick with the middle-aged dude snoozing on the couch next to me. He’s kind of cute when his mouth hangs open like that.

But you know I’m wearing lipstick and kitten heels the next time I head to Costco.