March Goal: Pay attention to what matters, whatever the hell that is

This looks like an awesome book.
Hope I find time to read it.

This year I'm creating my own midlife crisis. The big 5-0 is a couple years off and it's stirring up a lot of anxiety. I figure it's better to be proactive and have some fun with this phase of life rather than join a commune or run off with my personal trainer. So each month I'm dealing with a different theme. In January I came to terms with my changing body, February was about clearing out the clutter in my life to make room for the new me. This month, March, I'm going to tackle clearing out my mind. It's going to be a big effort, because I am so damn distracted all the time.


It doesn't help that the very place I work (my desk) is a Pandora's box of distraction.  I'll sit down to write and my phone rings, or I check my email and shoot off a few quick responses, then someone comments on my blog and I need to publish it, or I get sidetracked by cute kitty videos or Charlie Sheen's latest rants. Before I know it, an hour has gone by and I've forgotten what I was writing about to begin with. It's very upsetting. Sometimes I have such a hard time focusing I feel like I'm disabled.


I'm not alone. This multitasking and constant interruption has become a national epidemic. In her book, Distracted, Maggie Jackson writes:

Nearly a third of workers say they’re too busy and interrupted to process or reflect on the work they do, according to the Families and Work Institute. High levels of interruptions also are related to stress, frustration, even lowered creativity, studies from Harvard Business School and the University of California/Irvine show. Intriguingly, people who multitask most often are less able to focus on what’s important than those who multitask rarely, one new study shows. The veteran jugglers are “suckers for irrelevancy,” according to Stanford’s Clifford Nass.

The loss of creativity and being a "sucker for irrelevancy" resonates with me. Technology is a powerful, amazing resource, but it can also be a seductive outlet for our weaknesses in character. I can procrastinate like a pro in the name of researching an article. But I can't just blame Google. My lack of concentration also has something to do with my hormones. 

Lately I've had trouble sleeping - I wake drenched in sweat or my mind starts mind racing with all the things I have to do the next day. In the morning I'm cranky and exhausted which all affects my ability to focus. According to the Wall Street Journal, for women my age, the likely cause of these symptoms is the lead-up to menopause.

One of the first things to go is often a good night's sleep. That alone would make someone edgy, irritable and exhausted. But then come heart palpitations, difficulty recalling familiar words, loss of sex drive, mood swings and anxiety.

Women who encounter these symptoms in their 30s and 40s are often prescribed sleeping pills, tranquilizers, anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications.

Yet all of these symptoms and more—migraines, joint and muscle pain, dry skin, thinning hair, weight gain and digestive problems—can be due to fluctuating levels of the hormones estrogen and progesterone that start as many as 10 years before menopause. - Melinda Beck, Wall Street Journal 10/12/10

Oh great, I've got all that to look forward to as well? Well screw it. Whether the cause of my mental skittishness is technology, biology or a character flaw, I've had enough! This month I'm going to do what I can to get quiet, go inward, and focus on what really matters to me - once I figure out what that is.

Frankly, I don't exactly know how I'll proceed on this quest - I checked out a stack of books from the library that I'm eager to delve into. But here are my first steps.

1. Limit time on the computer. I will write, I will check email, I will sign off. No surfing, gawking, or idle investigations.

2. No TV. My habit is to tune out in front of the TV around 8 or 9pm. I'm so tired (from my lack of sleep) it's about all I have energy for. But most of what I watch is drivel. No TV in March. NONE.

3. No News. My morning ritual is coffee and the Tribune. This morning I read about a man who froze to death in his own home, and I can't get over it. I think it's important as a writer and a citizen to be informed of what's going on in the world, but in a month where I'm trying to get quiet and focused, it has to go.

I'm eager to hear if any of you are suffering from the same trouble with concentration, and especially your recommendations about how to deal with it.

But for now, my post is written and I'm outta here.

Is this fair? Ads for female equivalent of Viagra can't run on TV

This weekend when my husband and I were in Napa, I came across an article in the San Francisco Chronicle describing a sexual double standard that made me mad.

According to the Chronicle, two women have developed a botanical topical oil called Zestra, designed to help women "heighten their sexual intimacy." Semprae Labs co-founders Rachel Braun Scherl, 45, and  Mary Jaensch, 58 - both married mothers - developed the product in response to research that tens of millions of American women have sexual difficulty and no way to treat it.

Zestra is an all natural product targeted to women who just aren't feeling it like they used to. One Zestra ad (see below) says the oil will "help you feel the way you used to when sexual arousal just happened naturally - without doing anything, without thinking about it, without trying not to think about anything else."

Um, I'm not admitting to anything here, but does that include not thinking about picking up the dry cleaning or worrying that my kid needs a ride home from the mall? Tell me more.

Unfortunately, most women have never heard of Zestra's benefits, because many network and cable TV stations won't run the ads.

We're no stranger to products to help men's problems in the bedroom. Ads for Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra are everywhere. The ads clearly communicate that men deserve lifelong sexual gratification and the complications that come with age require medical treatment. The commercials, with images of couples dancing romantically or sharing hilltop baths, also imply that a man's ability to sustain erection will not only bring great satisfaction to him, but to his appreciative partner as well.

But when it comes to promoting a product designed to help a woman achieve more pleasure, the TV stations refused. From the Chronicle article:

Laura Grindstaff, an associate professor of sociology at UC Davis, said many cultures are uncomfortable with the idea of female sexuality outside reproduction and motherhood.

"When you see naked women bounding around in any music video or open a magazine and see ads for cars or cosmetics, half-naked women are everywhere," Grindstaff said. "That is not women's sexuality. What you see is completely bound up and constructed by male ideas of what women's sexuality ought to be. An ad like Zestra's, with no men in it, about women's pleasure for the sake of pleasure, is threatening."

Maybe that's what the stupid TV execs think, but when I researched my article "What Men Really Want," I learned that most men would love for their women partners to feel sexier and more aroused. So maybe banning Zestra ads from television is unfair to both men and women.

If you're interested in what the flap is all about, check out this Zestra commercial.

Intriguing, no? The product is available online at zestra.com or at places like Wal-Mart and K-Mart. I haven't tried it (yet), so I'm not endorsing it. I just think women and men should have equal opportunity when it comes to good sex.