'Tis the Season for my Holiday Shopping Code of Conduct

The holidays are here, at least as far as retailers are concerned. I haven't even planned my Thanksgiving dinner, but the stores have been bedecked in Winter Wonderland themes and blaring Christmas carols since Halloween.

Some of you chicks have probably already finished your holiday shopping and, while I'm impressed by your efficiency, I'm resentful. Because the rest of us are about to become part of a teeming hoard of stressed-out, deal-seeking, time-crunched shoppers.

To make the experience more pleasant for all of us, I ask everyone to adhere to my Holiday Shopping Code of Conduct.

Shoppers
1. Give each other space.  The stores are crowded, but we still need our personal space. The ideal distance to maintain is a full arm's length, but at the very least do not touch, poke, or rub against another person with your body or belongings. It's upsetting.
2. Practice good line etiquette. No matter how merry, please refrain from whistling, talking loudly on your phone, or flossing your teeth (yes, I've actually seen this.) And move along with the line! Nothing is more frustrating than a shopper who doesn't notice when it's time to step up.
3. Stay home if you're sick. If you are hacking, sneezing, coughing or contagious, do us all a favor and shop online. We can't afford to get sick and besides, your body noises and mucus gross us out.
4. Wear actual clothes. Let's all agree that pjs are not acceptable attire in public - even on black Friday. C'mon, how hard is it to put on some pants? And while you're at it, put on deodorant too.

Salespeople
1. Let us pay the way we want. I know it's your job to ask me for my email and phone number and to join your frequent shopper program and open a credit card and donate to your charity. But if I choose not to participate, don't roll your eyes and snap huffily, "Well, fine, if you don't want to save 15%!" Call me crazy, but I just want to use my Visa.
2. Say "You're welcome." One of my pet peeves is the expression "no problem" as a response to my sincere thank you. It better not be a problem; I gave you a bunch of money! Instead of reassuring me that I didn't inconvenience you, why not say "glad to help" or "my pleasure" or  simply, "enjoy"?
3. Give thoughtful freebies. Everyone loves bonuses and samples, but the treat I'm most grateful for is a little bottle of chilled water that I can take a swig from, then slip into my purse. This is so nice! We shoppers work up a powerful thirst.

Everyone
Spread the cheer. If you have a chance to help another shopper out, do it. Share a tip or a coupon, hold the door for a mom struggling with a stroller, put items back neatly where you found them. And above all, use good manners. Everyone's nerves are frayed this time of year and a smile or kind word can go a long way toward making the season bright.

If you have any suggestions for a better holiday shopping experience, let me hear from you.

Otherwise, I'll see you at the mall!

Cool Cocktail for the Holidays

I made this drink for some girlfriends over the weekend,  and it was as pretty, bubbly and yummy as my guests.

The fresh squeezed lime is the secret ingredient - plan on squeezing lots of 'em. Oh, and my recipe should read  2 oz cranberry juice (not actual cranberries.) 

Cheers! 

Enamored With Oprah

I'm a little embarrassed to admit how enamored I am with Oprah Winfrey right now. I've had the opportunity to screen her newest show, Lifeclass, as well as attend a live (as in LIVE, as in Oprah is 15 feet away and I'm checking out her designer jeans and watching Andre touch up her hair) post-show taping, and tonight I'm attending another one.

Oprah taping her interactive new show for OWN, Lifeclass

Almost every woman in America has been touched by Oprah at some point. Even if you didn't watch her show regularly, you heard about it, or discussed an issue she exposed, or read a book she recommended or bought one of her favorite things as a Christmas gift. My book club has a longstanding joke that we have to bring up Oprah at every meeting, and over the years, we always have.

Oprah has been especially real to those of us living in the Chicago area. I've attended a couple tapings of her talk show - the Chef Art Smith cooking demonstration and the Everybody Loves Raymond cast farewell. I even ran into her years ago at her Big Bowl Restaurant (I think she was picking up some garlic smashed potatoes.)

And of course, as an inquisitive writer/blogger/journalist who's not-so-secret passion is to make it big on the stage or screen, I want Oprah's job.

But despite all of the above, I have never felt that Oprah was a mentor or role model to me personally. Her talk show struck me as was a well-oiled, slickly produced machine with Oprah acting as the masterful ringleader of a really big show. She was larger than life, she was talking to the masses, she was distant. It was fun and exciting to be part of her wildly emoting audience, but I didn't feel any intimate connection.

But with my recent exposure to Lifeclass, I'm experiencing Oprah in a whole new way. First of all, I love the format of the show - just Oprah talking to the camera (read my complete review.) I feel connected not only to her, but to her message, and most importantly, how it relates to ME. When I was at the live taping following the Lifeclass about Letting Go of Anger with guest Iyalana Vanzant, I was blown away by the real healing that occurred in that small, stripped down studio. I could physically feel the release of old grudges and buried hurts and the sweet relief of people being able to release the burden of their anger and move on. It was magical.

So here I am, 48 years old and kind of obsessed by Oprah for the first time. I think she's helping me get over my midlife crisis. 

Tonight I'm attending a second live taping following Oprah's Lifeclass. The topic for tonight is Joy Rising, and I believe Iyanla Vanzant will be Oprah's guest again. I don't know much about Iyanla Vanzant but I intend to go on Amazon and order all her books right this instant, because she was so inspiring when I saw her the first time.

Tonight's webcast will be shown on Oprah.com, her Facebook page and on the OWN cable network at 9pm Eastern/8pm Central. Look for me in the back of the audience, tweeting with my other blogger chick cohorts.

Procrastinating or Flirting - Which one is naughty?

Hello my Forty Fabulous friends! While I've been a bit quiet here, I continue to sound off on other sites. Here are two of my latest pieces that I hope you'll enjoy.


1. For The Succulent Wife, my new video on midlife crisis and how to get on with your life - because, I don't know about you, but I don't have time to waste.





2. And my latest Sex & the Suburbs column for Makeitbetter.net, a discussion on the merits of Flirting for Fun.
  

Flirting is a social art as old as Aristotle, and the upcoming holiday season is the perfect time to play the coquette.

It’s fun, it’s intellectual and it’s a bit of a thrill. Done correctly, a flirtation is a light, admiring, slightly sexy interaction that’s conducted purely for the pleasure of the moment.

In France, flirting is a way of life and every woman—regardless of her age or marital status—is considered fair game. Not to flirt is practically considered an insult. Here in the Midwest, single women can flirt their derrieres off, but women in relationships are more conflicted.

Tammy from Wilmette feels flirting is disloyal. “I don’t think it’s right to flirt with someone else’s husband,” she says. ( Read full article.)

Three Fabulous Finds for Under $50

Every once in a while I stumble on some great products I just have to share.  Last time it was hanky panky thongs and no-show bras; this time it's the world's most comfy shoe and two beauty products to die for.

1. Teva Mush Flyweight Flats - My Fall flip flop

I've been test driving a pair of these cute and colorful little flats for the last few weeks. The moment they arrived, I popped them on my bare feet and headed out for a walk with my West Highland Terrier, Kelly. Going for a long walk in new shoes with no socks sounds like an invitation for blisters, right?

Nope. These shoes barely weigh a thing ( a mere 3.4 oz) and are so flexible and breathable, there's no need to go through the painful breaking-in process most new shoes seem to require. I keep my "Mushes" by the front door for running out for errands, walks, to get the paper, etc. If only they'd make a pair with heels - I need the height!

Available at Alamo Shoes in Chicago for $45-50 a pair. Also available at teva.com. Mine ran true to size.

Also available in this strappy Mary Jane style

I chose the pink ballerina flat 

 2. Nars "The Multiple" in Orgasm
While the name alone makes this shimmery stick kind of irresistible, The Multiple can be used in so many ways, it's sure to satisfy you. Smooth it over cheeks, lips, eyes and skin - anywhere you want to add a rosy glow with a hint of sparkle. $39 at better department stores or at nars.com. Comes in a variety of shades, but Orgasm is most popular, of course.

3. Moroccan Hair Oil

I've been despairing that my hair has been so brittle, tangly, and bushy lately. I'd tried all sorts of deep conditioners and styling products, but nothing seemed to help - until a friend recommended this stuff! Just a few drops of Moroccan Oil on wet hair has turned my lackluster locks into the sleek, shiny tresses of my dreams. This luxurious oil is kind of expensive (my 3.4 oz bottle cost $44 at a nearby salon) but it's absolutely worth it.

Just a quick disclaimer - I'm not being compensated to promote these products, just passing on my discoveries like any good girlfriend. If you're interested in some of my prior picks, check out these posts:

http://fortyfabulous.blogspot.com/2010/01/tips-to-survive-long-cold-winter.html

http://fortyfabulous.blogspot.com/2008/03/marjies-mainstays.html

If anyone should be paying me, it should be Crest Whitestrips - I've mentioned them twice! Hello Procter & Gamble, do you hear me out there?

My Review of Hot Flash Havoc

Until recently, I never wanted to discuss menopause. When girlfriends brought up the subject, I'd actually shudder. "Keep your voice down," I'd hiss. "People will think we're old." Then I'd recoil as if my friend had a communicable disease. I sure as hell didn't want to catch it.

But after a year of hot flashes, night sweats, sleep problems and moodiness, now I'm the one talking about menopause.

I'm so glad my friends at The Succulent Wife asked me to review the film, Hot Flash Havoc. It's a comprehensive, entertaining guide to the facts and myths regarding this completely natural time of life and it's a must see for every woman over 35. I was surprised by how misinformed I've been.

Check out my complete review and how the film helped me make a "change" that's made me feel Forty Fabulous once again.

Not a Total Slacker

I took a vacation from blogging this summer, but I've still been writing for Make it Better and continuing my video series and exploration of midlife at The Succulent Wife.

Here are links to some of my latest "Sex in the Suburbs" columns as well as the most recent video I did at TSW.

5 Ways Sex Makes You Younger
6 Reasons Why Women Cheat
Staying Married for the Money - Can You Still be Happy?

Shrugging Off My First World Problems

Yacht trouble?
 This iphone app's for you.

There's a new trend sweeping the internet called "First World Problems" - or, on twitter, #firstworldproblem. Actually, since I know about it, this trend is probably on it's way out, but I just discovered it and I think it's both hilarious and illuminating. First World Problems are problems that most people on our planet can't fathom being troubled by, because they are the concerns of affluence.

Here are a couple I picked up on Twitter:

• My kid just made the honor roll so now I have to deface my Audi with a bumper sticker.
• I saw a hipster wearing a shirt I donated to the Salvation Army and now I want it back.
• I'd just achieved the perfect blend of cream and sugar in my coffee when my waitress poured a free refill into my cup.

Funny, right? But in addition to being an entertaining way to waste time on my iMac, the First World Problem concept has made me rethink the things that I get worked up about on a daily basis. Like...

• My daughter left six pairs of shoes lying in the front hall.
• The sprinkler system turned on at 4am and woke me up.
• Can I saute with olive oil or does high heat turn it into saturated fat?

I mean, really. Are these problems, or privileges?

Of course, when compared to Third World issues like fresh water, literacy and basic human rights, almost all of our modern concerns seem frivolous. Hey, I'm not taking away our inalienable right to bitch, but I think a little global perspective will help smooth out the bumps in our complicated, abundant lives. Often, the things that stress out us most, just aren't important!

So for today, instead of getting freaked out because our brand new universal remote is on the fritz or that my rotten performance in my tennis match made me move down five places on the league ladder, I'm going to appreciate the fact that I have a flatscreen TV and the leisure time to play a sport at all.

Now I'm off to eat three bananas before they turn brown in my fruit bowl. Enjoy your First World day!

For more First World Problems, check out whitewhine.com.

10 Women who Inspire Me Now

I grew up in the era of Charlie's Angels and Victoria Slims' "You've Come a Long Way Baby" models, but I was more influenced by Gone with the Wind's Scarlett O'Hara ( I read the book a dozen times) and Cher, who remains the only celebrity I've ever written a fan letter. What Scarlett and Cher had in common for me was their unabashed bravery in flouting the standards of how women were supposed to behave. They were showy and ballsy and weren't afraid to go after what they wanted. Oh, and they had fun and wore great clothes.

Does it get any cooler than Chrissie?

I'm still a fan of both, but now that I'm older, I thought I'd put together a list of women of all ages who inspire me today. I'd love to hear who's on your list!

1. Chrissie Hynde (60) - When I was the token chick in a cover band, one of the few female fronted groups that the guys were really excited to play was the Pretenders. Why? Because even by guy standards, Chrissy rocks. That bad-ass, gravelly, sexy, screw you alto was irresistible, and when I sang Back on the Chain Gang or Middle of the Road, I felt a little of her gritty, rebellious, passion rubbing off on my soul. I had the chance to see her perform a couple years ago at the Riviera, and in her late 50s, she was cooler than ever.

2. Serena Williams  (29)- I love tennis, so I have to love Serena, the most dramatic, committed, excitingly dominant player in woman's tennis today (despite her loss yesterday to Stauser in the U.S. Open final.) She has had ups, she has had downs, but when this woman is on her game, she is fucking fierce, and it's a beautiful thing to see a woman exude such confidence, power and raw physicality. I even love her temper tantrums.

Wish I looked this good.

3. Helen Mirren (66) - This brilliant, funny, beautiful Brit actress appears to embrace her age and savor her life, all while still rocking a bikini (see right.)

4. Marlo Thomas  (73) - I had the chance to interview Marlo last year, so I may be biased, but this woman continues to be one of the most significant voices for women in our time. She is so much more than "That Girl." She's a feminist icon, the face of St. Jude, and continues to bring women together to talk about meaningful, modern issues at her website. If I'm thinking about a subject, chances are, she has already covered it there.

5. Michelle Obama (47) - Whether or not you agree with her politics, Michelle Obama is a warm, dignified, intelligent, sophisticated first lady who obviously is hot for her husband, adores her children, and conducts herself with confidence and class. Not to mention, she looks fantastic - so chic, so real, and so comfortable in her skin.

6. Tina Fey (41) - Whip-smart, hilarious author and screenwriter who somehow made it into the SNL boys' club. Actor, comedian, performer, producer, star. Of course I'm inspired by Tina Fey. I want to BE Tina Fey.

7. Lady Gaga (25) - I don't get what the hell this chick is up to 90% of the time, but I love her for being so freaking creative and groundbreaking with her image, her music, and her message.

Nina Garcia -
 high fashion, high standards

8. Nina Garcia (46)- I adore this Colombian fashion editor in her role as judge on Lifetime's Project Runway. She is looks fantastic without trying too hard - a combination of classic and cool - which I aspire to as a 40-something woman. But more than her looks, I admire her exacting standards for the designers on the show and her unwillingness to pull any punches in her critique. I, for one, would hate to ever let Nina down. And she has written four books - including The Little Black Book of Style, which I own.

9. Kathryn Bigelow (59) - Bigelow won an Academy award for Best Director for The Hurt Locker in 2010 -far from a girly film. Not only was she the first woman to ever win this category, she beat her ex-husband, James Cameron, nominated for Avatar. Call that karma!

10. Jennifer Garner (39)- In a world of emaciated, overly done, surreal looking starlets toting toddlers while tottering on stilettos, actress Jennifer Garner obviously has her priorities straight. She's a hands-on mom who looks healthy, pretty and natural when hanging with her kids, yet can amp up the glamour on the red carpet when she needs to. So refreshing!

There are a lot more women who inspire me, some famous, but many you've never heard of.  Like the foursome of ladies in their 80s who play tennis on the court next to me on Monday mornings, and a girlfriend who has turned her personal struggles into incredible activism for victims of rape and children with cancer, an insightful life coach, and my mother  - who at 70 - is just hitting her stride as as an artist.

When I look ahead and think about the qualities I want to embody, I don't need to start from scratch. There are so many fantastic women all around me to use as role models and mentors.

So, who inspires you?


Here are some other inspiring women I've written about in the past:
Annie Burnside, Soul Nurturer and Enlightened Parenting Expert
Sheri, a 43 year-old woman who went through in-vitro to have a child on her own
Singer-Songwriter Stephanie Rogers, who is releasing her new album this week!

Gone Fishing

I've been neglecting Forty Fabulous for the last few weeks and I think I'll keep it up for a while. I need to regroup and find the right balance of meaningful, fun material that will satisfy, entertain and enlighten both me and YOU, my dear readers. In June, when I attempted to write every day, I fizzled. I turned to my own experiences and opinions for material too often and frankly, I'm damn sick of myself!

So I'm taking a break and going off the grid. Let's just say I've gone fishing.

But, just like Arnold in the Terminator, I'll be back. And when I am, I'll do everything I can to get and hold your attention.

If I've covered anything you particularly enjoyed over the last three years, I'd sure appreciate hearing about it. In the meantime, enjoy your summer!