The Secret to Developing New Habits

Earlier this month I vowed to devote one hour a day to new, healthy, life-changing habits (see below). An hour of change per day seemed like a modest enough goal for a gal who's in the market for transformation. Nothing too taxing, lots of variety - achievable stuff designed to build my confidence that lasting change was indeed possible at this point in life.

10 mins - Quiet Contemplation
5 mins - Keep Food Journal 

15 mins -Tackle a Terrible Task 

25 mins- Vigorous exercise 

5 mins - Bedtime beauty routine (floss, skin care)

While I've made an effort in all the areas, after two weeks, the only new habit I've integrated on a daily basis is my 5 minute bedtime beauty routine - which basically is flossing my teeth and washing & moisturizing my face.  

My gums are pink and healthy and  I wake up with a fresh-faced glow, but  this is not exactly an earth-shattering achievement. But I'm also trying to think positively, so hey, at least I've developed one new daily habit! Whoo hoo!

Click for GH's tips to better
skin at night.

I'm certain the reason I've been successful with the new beauty routine is because it occurs at exactly the same point of my day - before bed. The other jobs are floating out there in whenever-land. 

This all goes back to the importance of managing your calendar, as my organizing guru, Colleen Collins Josellis taught me back in February. So, rather than beat myself up and abandon my goals, I'm going to  consider them mandatory and schedule them into my day. I hope that giving them a specific time slot will turn them into habits as rote as brushing my teeth or pouring a cup of coffee. I'll give you a progress report on how that's working for me at the end of the month.

In the meantime, for some real inspiration, check out this article written by my  friend, Christy Coughlin, called the 7 Secrets of Super Fit Women. These motivated chicks don't let anything stand in the way of their health and fitness goals. 

And if you find their routines too daunting, just remember me, dab on some eye cream and feel good about yourself!http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/beauty/skin/night-treatment

About a Man and a Kite

I was tying my shoes before heading out for a power walk this morning, when Kelly started getting all excited, thinking this meant a walk for her. I adore my pooch, but walking Kelly is not an aerobic activity. She likes to sniff and pee and and dawdle, and me dragging her along to keep a brisk pace is not fulfilling for either of us.

"Oh no," I groaned aloud, "Kelly's going crazy for a walk, but I need to exercise."

"I'll walk her," offered my 14 year-old daughter.

"You will?"

"Sure," Emma shrugged. No big deal.

What an amazing development. I practically skipped out the door.

As I headed to the park, I thought about how often I get offers for help - from friends or relatives or complete strangers - and turn them down. I'm reluctant to ask for help too; like needing assistance makes me stupid or incompetent. I hate the idea of being a burden. Also, I'm a little shy.

I certainly don't judge people that way when they ask me for a favor or advice. I feel good that I can help out and flattered to be asked. And, like my daughter offering to walk the dog, most of the time it's no big deal.

In a month when I'm examining my habits, this is one I'd like to change. I can ask for help when I need it! I don't need to know everything. It's perfectly okay!

Lovelace Park, Evanston IL

I had a chance to test my new resolution almost immediately. Lovelace Park has a lovely half-mile track that circles around a pond, a soccer field and a playground. On my first lap around the path I passed an older man serenely flying a kite.

I gave the guy a little smile as I marched by - kites are fun! Then it dawned on me how extraordinary it was that a grown man was at the park flying a kite all by himself. This is something I couldn't imagine doing myself. I spent my second lap wondering about the guy. Why was he flying this kite? Was it for the benefit of some kid I hadn't noticed? Was he mentally impaired? Was this his regular pastime or had he  decided to give it a try for the hell of it?

On the third lap, it came to me. If I wanted to know about this man and his kite, I could simply stop and ask him about it. I could ASK. So I did.

"It's so cool that you're flying a kite!" I said brightly, because I've found that people are more receptive if you give them a sincere compliment first.

"Well, thank you," he said, clearly pleased that I'd noticed.

"I just have to ask, why are you doing it?"

"Oh, it was something I tried as a kid and could never do, and a year or so ago I thought that maybe I could give it another try," he said. "A lot of people don't know how to fly kites."

"They don't?" I asked.

"Nope. See, a kite can drop 100 feet in altitude just like that. You've got to know what to do to get it back up."

This gentleman (who was perfectly normal, by the way) then demonstrated the proper technique for getting a kite into climbing mode. His kite was admirably high. I asked him if he did this often.

 "I come out here a fair bit,"  he said, modestly.

We both were quiet, watching the kite soar in the breeze while he gently tugged on its long string. "It gets kind of Zenlike after a while."

I could see that. I said good-bye, and as I walked on I felt lighter, uplifted - from both the kite and the conversation. I'm so glad I asked.

Do you have trouble asking for things or accepting help? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. I ask you to  please comment, below.

Forget the Muse, Just Get to Work

I'm taking an amazing class I call my "Woman Empowerment" class, but the name doesn't come close to describing the wide range of material we're covering. As part of our curriculum, we've read and listened to some of the works of Steve Chandler, a life coach, business consultant, public speaker and author of 30 books. Our group was lucky to have a Q&A session with him by telephone.

Steve's books have powerful titles like 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself and Reinventing Yourself, so when it was my turn to talk with him, I wanted to discuss writing.

Image via Wikipedia

"Steve, I'm a writer, and lately I've had trouble getting motivated. I think it's because I'm feeling really happy! I usually write about things that are problems for me, or at least puzzles to work out. But right now I'm content, so I got nothin'. Do you think creativity is fueled by dissatisfaction?"

I felt pretty smarty pants about my question. Here I was with a successful author, about to compare notes about  the creative process.

Steve has a deep voice and speaks verrry slowly, but it didn't take long for him to identify my happinesss as a run-of-the-mill form of procrastination.

"When I'm working on a book, I take a very blue collar approach to creativity," he said.

In other words, Steve Chandler doesn't wait for his muse to show up; he sits down every day and does his job. He may or may not feel inspired every moment, but he does the work because he knows it requires consistent effort to achieve his goals.

He speaks to this very issue in his book, Time Warrior.

If I only work when I'm "inspired" my work won't be reliable, and it won't be accountable. It won't be a grown-up activity. I'll be like some kid always trying to decide something.

My problem with productivity only happens when I don't have a discipline. Because then I wake up every day trying to decide if I feel like doing it. And that's like waking up and trying to decide whether I "feel like" flying to New York, even thought I have a ticket and a seat on the plane.  

Okay, I get it. It's accountability.

Happiness be damned - moods cannot dictate whether I write or not. Call it blue collar, call it grown up, or call it a good habit (this month's theme) - but I need to develop the discipline of honest to goodness hard work, whether I "feel like it" or not.

More on this and other good habits to come!

June - A Month of Habits Good & Bad

I'm frustrated because I've lost my focus and motivation for my self proclaimed midlife crisis and need to get back on track. This month, June, I am going to take a good hard look at my habits in terms of what's working, what's holding me back, and what's missing. I truly believe that the only way to change and accomplish my  lofty but still nebulous goals is to get a better handle on my daily routine. 

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” - Aristotle

I work from home, my schedule is flexible, and I'm fortunate that I call pretty much all the shots in my day. It's a great position to be in, but it's easy to get distracted. Other than my magazine deadlines, no one really cares if I write or if I'm setting up interviews or doing research. So it's easy to accept a lunch invitation, play a game of tennis, or take a walk. The distractions are fun and pleasurable, but they can't come at the expense of my writing and quest to redefine myself or I'll never accomplish anything. I need better habits.


I sat next to rock star Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins at the Chicago Make-a-Wish Ball last weekend, where he was honored for his longstanding commitment to the charity and raffled off one of his guitars. In addition to supporting this worthy cause and recording an album, Billy is also writing a book. 

I admire his habits.

"Do you have a particular writing discipline?" I asked him. Of course he does. He writes stream of conscious for an hour a day, every day, and aims to produce at least 2000 words in that time. 


Damn, I thought enviously, 2000 words is incredibly prolific. I can struggle for a days over a 500-word column. Of course I spend most of that time revising and editing, not writing. But I also spend it surfing the 'net, checking my email and eating Triscuits.


Anyway, here's my first new habit for the month of June: I will post here on Forty Fabulous six days a week. Yes, by the end of June I will have no fewer than 25 posts. My posts may not be as well-researched or thought out as I'd like. They'll probably contain grammatical errors, repetition and cliches. But if I'm serious about this writer gig, I have got to friggin' develop the habit of consistently producing written work. 


I intend to examine my other routines - as well as those of successful, inspiring people I want to emulate. I hope that these tidbits and discoveries will be useful to YOU, so please, make a habit of checking back!