Move to Chicago, Demi and Heather, you'll be happier here

Accepting the changes that come with aging isn't easy for any woman, but it must really stink if you're a beautiful, middle-aged actress living in Hollywood. Imagine the pressure to stay thin and unlined and luscious when you've built your whole career on that image and live in a society that values little else.

Moore in 2010
Image via Wikipedia

Take Demi Moore, 49, for example. I've admired Demi since her days as husky-voiced ace reporter Jackie Templeton on General Hospital in the early 80s and I've been truly saddened to watch her recent struggles in the media.  Her marriage to much younger husband Ashton Kutcher has collapsed and, amid rumors of drug abuse and speculation on her very gaunt frame, Demi was hospitalized this week. I don't know what her problems are, but whether it's heartache, exhaustion, addiction or illness, I don't need a doctor's diagnoses to see something's wrong. Even dressed to the nines on the red carpet, she looks like she's in pain.

And she's not the only middle aged Hollywood star suffering. Blonde, blue-eyed, vixen Heather Locklear, 50, of Melrose Place fame was also hospitalized earlier this month. Apparently Heather has struggled with drugs and alcohol for years and is now "under a doctor's care" as she seeks recovery.  She and long-term love Jack Wagner (who I also adored on GH) called off their engagement in November.

Demi and Heather aren't dimwitted starlets trying to break into the business; they're intelligent women, established professionals, and mothers. They're about my age, for god's sake! But I'm not judging them, I'm judging the system that makes these women feel like failures if their knees begin to sag or their lips begin to thin. Both women have invested a great deal of effort into maintaining a youthful appearance, but in Hollywood, when gorgeous 20-somethings regularly nip and tuck, how can a 50-year old woman compete? No wonder they're turning to mind-numbing substances. The mere thought of being judged by my flabby stomach or jiggly thighs makes me feel like throwing back a couple kamikazes right now, and it's only 11am.

But luckily, I live in Chicago, a land that is much kinder and gentler to middle aged women. Why? Because first of all, because we have our values straight. In the Midwest, we like keeping it real - and that means a woman's intellect, humor and generosity are as important to her appeal as a firm ass. Secondly, our weather stinks for at least seven months of the year so everybody spends a lot of time covered up in boots, jeans, sweaters, and jackets. Women over 40 can look every bit as good as our younger counterparts when we're not being constantly evaluated in our bikinis. Finally, Chicagoans are foodies and take pleasure in eating - a little meat on our bones as a result is no big deal.

I'd like to invite all the unappreciated, angst-ridden, aging actresses out in LA to take a stand. Move to Chicago! We have an abundant theatre, arts and music scene so you'll get work. Not to mention you'll love it here. Rosie O'Donnell does.

"As a New Yorker, who was born and raised in New York and lived in Los Angeles for 10 years, I never imagined living anywhere else. But I could totally see myself living here. It’s very relaxing and family-oriented. It’s unlike any place I’ve ever been.”  Chicago Tribune, 12/11/11

My Rant on Weight: Skinny Bitch, Fat Ass and Everywhere in Between

How'd she do it? She ate less.

I've been blogging about body issues all month and I've barely mentioned the biggie - WEIGHT. Why? Because I'm so enlightened about the importance of health and inner beauty that my weight is no longer of concern to me. I've risen above it.

HA!

Of course I care about my weight - I think about it all the time. It influences how I feel about myself on a daily basis. Does this make me shallow or vain? Have I been victimized by the unrealistic body images portrayed in the media?

I'm going to get a cookie and think about that.

The answer is - No! I'm not a misguided dupe. Weight matters to me and probably to you too. Most of us are obsessed with weight for very good reason. We know we need to lose some, and that we'd feel much happier and healthier if we did.

Being at a healthy body weight is so important for women our age. It is one of the single biggest factors in maintaining our joints and heart, and can significantly reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes and some cancers. But also, it feels damn good to be fit. Everything is easier and more fun - from climbing stairs to choosing an outfit in the morning.

I'm not talking about looking like a Hollywood starlet. Celebs look amazing on camera, but it's surprising how slight and insubstantial some appear in person. A few years ago I went to a taping of the Oprah Show and saw actress Patricia Heaton, who played the "average" mom on Everybody Loves Raymond. She was so tiny I could have encircled her delicate ankle with my thumb and middle finger.

I don't blame the stars for being extremely thin. They're like jockeys and wrestlers; to succeed in their chosen profession their bodies have to weigh a certain amount and they'll do what it take to get them there.With all the fasting, cleansing and exercising, I wonder how some of the waifs have energy to lift their heads from the pillow each morning.

But there's a lot of working room between the average woman and the average movie star. The latest government stats are sobering - over half of all American women are overweight or obese. To stave what has become an epidemic, the USDA and Department of Health and Human Services have issued some new dietary guidelines. Their basic advice: don't eat so much. 


Wow, that's simple. Don't consume more calories than your body needs. The tough part is that our calorie requirement goes down as we get older, which is why we women over 40 have a harder time keeping off the pounds. (Click here for tips to lose weight after 40.)

How much should we weigh? I checked the ideal weight chart at thirdage.com, and I think the range is valid for me. When I felt my absolute best I was toward the bottom end - right now I'm pushing the ceiling. I'm still in the zone, but it doesn't feel or look nearly as good.

So, what to do? There's so much - too much - information out there about weight loss. There are diet books and websites and spiritual weight loss guides and exercise programs and supplements. Jennifer Hudson lost 80 pounds on Weight Watchers; Valerie Bertinelli lost 40 on Jenny Craig. It's daunting.

It helps to know that it all boils down to this - to lose weight I have to consume fewer calories. Exercise is great and has physical and emotional benefits in it's own right, but weight loss is about reducing intake. To burn off the two cookies I just ate, I'd have to jog for a half an hour. It would have been much easier not to eat them to begin with!

So, today, as I wrap up a month of writing about the body, I'm going back to the only tool that has ever worked for me - a Food Journal. I'm returning to the plan I used successfully two years ago  and shoot for 1600-1700 calories a day while making sure I eat plenty of fruits, veggies, milk and yogurt (for calcium!)

There are yummy treats on offer everywhere - it's easy to just eat without really thinking about what I'm doing. But starting right now, I'm going to at least be conscious of what I consume. I'm gonna write down every single thing I put in my mouth - even those damn cookies. 

Wanted: Mature Women in the Movies

I've been continually surprised to find that life after 40 is so exciting. I've done things that I only dreamed of in my 20s and 30s - got in shape, completed a degree, started a new career, sung in a band, kayaked with Orca, took some chances. At 46, I feel more confident, alive, and "me" than ever before, and when I look around at other women my age, it's clear they feel the same.

It's a great time of life, yet I never looked forward to it when I was younger. I figured I'd be sidelined by forty - irrelevant, unattractive, uncool. Why was I so misinformed?

Partly because there aren't enough movies made about older women.

Think about it. How many movies have you seen with older women (and by this I mean over 40) as leads? Or any women at all who aren't desperate for a man, victims of horrible crimes, or knocked up? Where are all the brave, funny, intelligent women who are running businesses, leading communities, creating art? Not in Hollywood films, that's for sure. And the absence of mature female role models is damaging to women of all ages.

According to Debbie Zipp, founder of In the Trenches Productions, an organization dedicated to promoting women over 40 in film,

"Art is a reflection of life. Limiting the roles mature women play in films is not an honest or true depiction of real life. We are many things besides somebody’s mother or grandmother; today’s women over 40, 50, 60 and beyond are also sexy and powerful. If this is the only way our children see women on television and in film, we subliminally tell them that women should take a back seat after they hit 40."

Amen, Debbie! In our youth-obsessed culture, women need to know that the second half of their lives can be every bit as meaningful and thrilling as their first. Let's demand more movies that depict women's lives after 40 the way they really are. And if the male Hollywood establishment won't comply, we mature chicks should make 'em ourselves.