All I Want For Christmas - From You

Even though the economy is dismal and we're all cutting back this Christmas, I still want presents.  So, to help guide my family and friends, I've put together a wish list of gifts that are low on cost, but to me, priceless.

From My Children

Nick and Emma, just give me a juicy novel and an uninterrupted day by the fire to read it. No, I won't make you a sandwich or help you find your snow pants, I'll be too busy reading. A couple novels I'm yearning to curl up with are The Tenderness of Wolves by Stef Penny and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. They're out in paperback, so the price is right.

From My Husband

Liam, take me out on a real date. To refresh your memory, a date is when you invite me to join you for an activity that you've planned in advance. It doesn't have to be fancy, just buy the tickets or make the reservation and figure out what to do with the kids. Then, give me an hour alone in the bathroom to primp. Once we're out, ask me questions about myself, appear fascinated  by all my answers and tell me I'm pretty a few times. After all, I will be wearing the sexy new lingerie I bought on clearance at T.J. Maxx. That's my Christmas present to you!

From My Friends

I know you're feeling the pinch gals, so I've come up with a couple gift ideas that will cost you next to nothin'. Give me a funny old picture of us together, send me a holiday card with a handwritten message, or post an affectionate shout-out on my Facebook wall. You'll make me feel appreciated and special - just what a gift is meant to do.

From My Parents

Mom and Dad, all I need from you is your continued love and support. But you could hand over Grandma's silver. Wouldn't cost you a dime.

I guess when you step back and look at the big picture, with all that's going on in the world, what's really important this Christmas is... I still want gifts.

Seizing the Hump-day

It's just a ho-hum Wednesday, but I'm not in the mood to have the same old type of day. So I'm taking inspiration from Eleanor Roosevelt, who said

"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences." 

Off I go to experience something new and rich today! Right after I load the dishwasher, take out the recycling and shovel the stinkin' sidewalk.

“Do you want to be an artist and a writer, or a wife and a lover?” - Stevie Nicks

  One of the  cool things I've been doing since I turned 40 has been singing in a band. Our band plays classic rock songs from the 60s, 70s, and 80s; as a result, I've become enamored with groundbreaking rock chicks like Chrissie Hynde, Patti Smith, and Stevie Nicks.  Back in the day, these talented women had to make tough choices to succeed in a music industry dominated by men.

For Stevie Nicks, this meant taking a pass on motherhood.  "I made a conscious decision that I was not going to have children. I didn't want others raising them, and looking after them myself would get in the way of being a musician and writer."

Whoa - Stevie Nicks clearly viewed committed relationships as roadblocks to reaching her full potential. Isn't this kind of anti-feminist? Come on, Stevie, I know you're pushing 60, but even in your day, women could be both mothers and artists, lovers and writers. It just takes hard work, resourcefulness, and a little compromise.

But Stevie Nicks didn't want to make compromises - instead, she made a choice. The radical thing about her choice was that she put the highest value on her own creativity and self-expression.

Not all the early rockers made the same decision. Chrissie Hynde has two daughters; even the the androgynous Patti Smith has a couple kids. Did their art suffer by becoming mothers? Well...maybe. Patti Smith was quoted as saying, "If I have any regrets, I could say that I'm sorry I wasn't a better writer or a better singer."

Stevie wouldn't change a thing. Recently, when asked if she regretted not having children, she answered, "Would I really want to give up all those years of singing? Would I just have been not that great a mom and not that great a singer because I tried to do both?"

I put my career on  hold to stay home with my kids, so I definitely didn't follow Stevie Nick's path. Still, I admire (and maybe even envy) her for prioritizing her life as an artist and being brave enough to live on her own terms.

The Latest Word on Women over 40

Last Sunday, the New York Times Magazine claimed its favorite new word of the year to be frugalista,  defined as "a person who lives a frugal lifestyle but stays fashionable and healthy by swapping clothes, buying secondhand, growing own produce, etc."  Frugalista was made popular by Miami Herald reporter Natalie McNeal's blog, The Frugalista Files, which provides tips for living "the frugal side of fabulous."

I'm motivated.  I blog, I write about being fabulous - I want to invent a new word for the dictionary too. So here are few new terms I've come up with to describe cool chicks over the age of 40. New Oxford American Dictionary, are you listening?

• Fortabulista  - A fabulous woman over forty who conducts her life with zest and creativity. Can also be an adjective - "Wow, you are so fortabulistic!"
  
• Fortgetful  - When a woman can't be bothered to recall her actual age after turning ... um, I forget. 
  
• Kenopause  - The phase of life when a woman no longer requires a perfect man to live happily ever after.
  
• Grandivma - a glamorous, rockin' grandmother.
  
• Hotorty - A hot woman over 40.  Hotifty for those over 50. "Did you see how that hotorty rocked her mini-skirt?"  I dunno. Maybe this one is ruined by the "ho" prefix.
  

Okay, not all of these terms may make it into the American vocabulary, much less the dictionary. But our age and stage do require some new definition, don't you think? And "cougar" is so 2007. 

I'll keep working on it, but in the meantime, go out there and have a fortabulous day!

A Few Good Things About November

Watch my first attempt at video blogging.

Teens - What Have They Done for You Lately?

My son, Nick, is 15 and I know firsthand that being the parent of a teenager can seem like a thankless job. Teens are moody and uncommunicative, dramatic and demanding. They think that they know everything while we parents are hopelessly uncool and out of touch. Teens resent all rules and responsibilities and yet expect to be driven around and fed hot meals at a moment's notice.

It's just give, give, give without getting anything in return. But lately, I've noticed some unexpected benefits from having a teen around. 

First, they're a great source for hi-tech entertainment. Teens have some really cool ways to amuse themselves. Nick has introduced me to Facebook (I originally signed up so I could keep track of him); Anaconda, an irresistible snaky game; and Shazam, an amazing application that listens to a few seconds of music and then tells you what song is playing. It's frivolous, it's fun, and I wouldn't know about any of it if I didn't have a teen.

Also, teens read good books.  Young adult fiction is heavy on plot, so these books are action packed. If your book club's pick is putting you to sleep,  steal from your teen's bookshelf.  For a really juicy read try Stephenie Meyer's Twilight - it has all the freshman girls' moms in a tizzy.

Nick doesn't drive yet, so we carpool to swim practice. A car packed with five high school boys makes for very interesting conversations. On our last drive we discussed Nostradamus, World War II, the Presidential election and, of course, hot girls. I'm telling you, those 20 minutes in the car were more thought-provoking and amusing than any North Shore cocktail party. 

Speaking of driving, I've discovered a great use for teens once they get their licence - as designated drivers. For their parents.  Last weekend, Liam and I went out to dinner with our good friends, Tricia and Chuck. Everyone wanted to have a drink or two so I suggested we taxi to the restaurant. Not necessary. "Kyle will drive us," offered Tricia. So their 16-year-old son, Kyle, chauffeured us to and from our dinner. He didn't mind, because it allowed him to stay out past his curfew, and we adults were able to safely enjoy ourselves. That's what I call win-win.

You know, I'm actually getting quite a bit of value out of my teenager. If I could only get him to pick up his shoes.

Fall Shopping in a Falling Market

Ah, Fall! My favorite time of year. I welcome the cool nights, crisp days and changing colors. The sun rises lower in the sky and apples ripen in the orchards,  yet the scent of a fresh start wafts through the air. Squirrels scurry to hoard acorns and Canadian geese take honking practice flights as they prepare for migration. In tune with the eternal rhythm of the Earth's rotation, a deep autumnal instinct stirs within me as well. To go shopping.

I know you feel it too. Fall is the best time to shop. The cooler temperatures mean an abundance of colors, layers, and textures. Our light-weight summer cottons seem flimsy and drab compared to the gorgeous knits, rich hues, and leather boots on display right now.

But who can enjoy a Fall shopping spree when our economy is in a free-fall? While big spending  isn't an option for me right now, I can't completely deny my seasonal urges. These tough times require new shopping strategies, so I asked noted Chicago fashion stylist Kate Shifrin for help.

Kate, always up on current trends, has already been helping her clients deal with the bail-out blues. She has some great advice for punching up your fall wardrobe without spending a lot of cash.

1. Go shopping in your own closet.
We all get into habits, and that extends to how we dress.  This is the season to mix it up in different ways and take some risks with the clothes we already own. Kate recommends we mix complementary patterns - like a print blouse with a tweed jacket - and forget about black as the only neutral color. She suggests trying fresh color combinations like brown & blue and gray & brown for an updated, modern look. So spread all your clothes out around your bedroom and get creative. Be brave, urges Kate. "The rules are that there are no rules. It should be what you like."

And while you're in that closet, get rid of anything you don't absolutely love. Your closet should only contain your favorites.  "And I don't care if that's five pieces," says Kate, "Just don't have a closet full of stuff."

2. Less is More
When the budget is limited, a few key accessories can boost an entire wardrobe. Purple is this Fall's hot color, says Kate, and the easiest way to include it in your wardrobe is to buy a purple purse, belt or pair of shoes. "It's actually a neutral" she explains - since it goes well with black, blue, brown or gray - so you'll get a lot of wear from a single piece. 

Kate also likes scarves as a way to introduce color and texture to a fall outfit. She especially loves the versatile scarf pictured above, from Anthropologie . "It can be worn with a t-shirt, outside a coat, or in your hair."

If you have to choose one area to invest, make it a pair of great fitting wide-leg trousers or trouser-style dark jeans. The fuller cut is basic but very stylish and can take you from work to evening.

3. Bargain hunt
Since times are tough, Kate anticipates that many retailers will be marking down prices, perhaps sooner than usual. Don't pay full price. If you see something you've got to have, ask the salesperson to give you a call when it goes on sale. In the meantime, explore discount stores, thrift stores, and maybe even your friend's closet.

One of Kate's overriding principles, regardless of the economy, is that we should focus on quality, not quantity. So while a thinner stock portfolio is definitely not a good thing, a thinner wardrobe just might be. 

Sexy - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

"I like your haircut," my mother told me over lunch when she was in town last week, "You know I've always thought you look better with it cut short."

"I like it too, " I agreed, "But I have to say,  I don't feel quite as sexy as when it's long."

"Sexy?" snorted my mom. "At some point you have to get over that."

I was taken aback. "I do? I have to get over the idea of being sexy? When, exactly?"

Mom raised her eyebrows and smiled sympathetically.  It took a while for her meaning to sink in. Hey!

"I am not too old to be sexy, Mom, and neither are you! Feeling sexy is all in your own mind anyway and no matter what anyone else thinks, I am going to maintain my illusion that I am  a sexy woman." My voice was getting shrill, so I took a sip of iced tea to calm down. "I'm a damn hottie." I muttered around my straw.

"Oh, yes you are, dear. You're very sexy - in a nice way." She patted my arm consolingly, speared an asparagus tip from her roasted vegetable salad, and changed the subject. 

Since that lunch, the topic has been irritating me like a prickly tag inside a tight collared shirt. I'm 45 and I accept that things have changed. I'm not attracting wolf whistles from construction workers; no one is lining up to buy me drinks at happy hour. But inside, I'm still operating from the assumption that I am somewhat of a babe. But now my mom has me worried.

Is that little motor running inside of me - the one that makes me smile at my reflection in store windows,  puts an expectant spring in my step,  urges me to text silly things to my husband - is that motor gonna conk out one of these days?  Gosh, maybe I'm already running low on fuel. After all, I cut my hair to my chin - is that a clue that my days of sexy are numbered?

My focus on my haircut is not mere frivolity. According to Dr. Debbie Then, a psychologist who specializes in physical appearance, "there is lots of research to show that men prefer long hair and that it's associated with sexual desirability."  Long hair is alluring to the senses and, according to evolutionary theory, communicates good health and reproductive fitness. 

A few decades ago, women of a certain age cut their hair because long (often graying) hair became too difficult to care for.  Also, the heavy, flat styles of the day were unflattering to a maturing face, emphasizing sags and wrinkles. But today, layered cuts are the norm and with a vast array of hair care color and styling products, a woman over 40 can have the same silky, shiny mane of hair that she had as a teenager. 

Times have changed - all the hot women over 4o in the media have long, flowing, sexy hair now. Just look at Kyra Sedgwick, Holly Hunter and the cast of Desperate Housewives. For that matter, look at Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. But I digress. 

My point is, that whatever the length of your hair, and however old you are, you deserve to keep your inner motor revving. There is no age limit on long hair and there is no age limit on sexy. Vroom, vroom.

Mom for Hire

After ten years, I've got this stay-at-home mom thing nailed. My kids just left for school and thanks to an efficiently orchestrated  sports carpool, I won't see either one of them until 6:30 tonight. My husband is working late, so dinner can be something quick and easy from the freezer. My house is clean - my kids actually made their beds and did their dishes. Ah, the whole day stretches endlessly before me. I can exercise, I can read, I can have lunch with a friend, I can organize my photos, I can go to a museum, I can... 

Damn. I can go back to work.

I've always been planning to go back to work, so I don't know why writing that sentence just made my heart race like a Kitchenaid blender. I never expected to stay at home for this long. Before I had two kids, I had a big-time career. I made presentations, I analyzed data, I managed people, I strategized. I can't exactly remember what it was all about, but I was really good at it.

When I quit my job to take care of my two tiny children, it was only temporary. As soon as Liam's job settled down and Nick and Emma were a little older I would be right back to taking the meetings and earning the big bucks. But somehow one year slid into another, and, well here I am. 

I don't regret staying home. In addition to letting me focus on my family, it's given me time to accomplish some things I'm really proud of - getting my Masters degree, volunteering in the community, developing a local TV show, learning to play tennis, singing in a band.  But the fact is, my kids and home are not a full time job anymore. I'm a housewife who's been pink-slipped.

It's time for me to get back out there and look for a way to put my talents to use. It's a scary prospect and I'm not sure how to begin. But I know I'm not the first mom to head back to work. If you've been there and have any advice, please share it. 

Macho, Macho Me

Not only did I survive the dreaded family vacation in the wilderness of British Columbia, I actually enjoyed it. No one was more surprised than me. I mean this was a trip where I brought no cute shoes. I packed hiking boots, Keen water sandals and  sneakers. In the end I threw in a pair of flip flops, but nothing with the semblance of a heel. The thought of wearing nothing but sturdy shoes for 12 days - and the vigorous activities the footwear implied - depressed me. 

We traveled with our good friends the O'Briens and the other mom, Lisa, was as bummed by our packing as I was. Wicking materials, sports bras, long underwear - it was the most butch set of clothing we'd ever assembled. But we resigned ourselves to our high performance wardrobes and vowed to be good sports.

Who knew that our dad-designed adventure itinerary would turn out to be so empowering? Within the first three days, we'd climbed 3000 feet up a treacherous mountain path called "Grouse Grind",  dangled from a cable at staggering heights while zip-lining through a rain forest, and hiked a glacier - fully outfitted with rope harness, crampons and ice ax.  Through each new challenge, I discovered that I wasn't a wimp. The speed, the heights, the sweat, the gear - all while surrounded by  breathtaking scenery and my delighted kids - it was all really fun.

By the time we hit the camping/kayaking leg of the trip, I was feeling the confidence of a hardy outdoors-woman.  Good thing, because three nights sleeping on a tent floor and bathing with handi-wipes might have been too much for my previous self. And when, after two long days of sea kayaking on the Johnston Strait, a pod of a dozen Orca whales swam right by our tippy little boats, I  thrilled, not scared. (Well, that big one that kept circling around us had me kinda worried.) But these Orca don't eat people, you know. They prefer salmon.

We've been back for two weeks and I'm settled back into my tame, risk-free routine.  I've been sporting short skirts and high-heeled sandals, but I admit I'm feeling a bit blah. I might have to get out my hiking boots and ice ax for a rush of adrenaline.