The Point of Staying in the Moment

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Buddha

As a latecomer to competitive sports, I'm amazed to discover how the lessons I learn on the tennis court apply to my entire life. Yesterday, I realized how important it is to stay focused on the moment. 

 (image via focustennisacademy.com.au)

My Park District team played against the Saddle & Cycle Club - a gorgeous old club tucked into the Edgewater Neighborhood of Chicago. Saddle and Cycle's courts are clay, which is good for me because I don't have a powerful game and the softer surface slows things down. Anyway, my partner Betsy and I were in a groove and quickly won the first set 6-1.

In the second set our opponents made some adjustments - they lobbed, poached, and attacked down the line. Suddenly we were down 2 - 0 and I got rattled. Instead of concentrating on hitting the ball, my mind started creating all sorts of possible scenarios; none of them good.

"If we lose this game, it will be so hard to come back to take the set."
"It's so embarrassing that we're losing! What will my teammates think?"
"They have the momentum now, we'll never get it back."
"I'm letting Betsy down!"
"I'm going to miss my dentist appointment if this goes three sets!"

My anxiety affected my play. I made errors, lost my serve - I actually swung at one ball and whiffed.

"Oh my God, I stink!" I moaned to myself.

Then, remembering the advice from Gallwey's book, The Inner Game of Tennis, I decided to pull it together. Forget about the score, I told myself. Forget about my record, my ranking, my teammates and all the various things that could go wrong in the match. Focus on this point, think about this ball.

"When we unlearn how to be judgmental, it is possible to achieve spontaneous, focused play."

W. Timothy Gallwey - The Inner Game of Tennis

As soon as I stopped beating myself up and started keeping my eye on the ball, we began winning more points. Eventually, we fought our way back to take the second set 6-4.

Driving home from the match (with plenty of time to make my dentist appointment) I thought about how all that worry was not only unnecessary, it was harmful. By thinking so much about the final outcome of the match, I'd totally lost my ability to influence the game at the point level - which is the only level any match can be won!

It's so easy to slip into a pattern of negativity and worry when something goes wrong in life, but thinking about how things could turn out is often an encumbrance to making the best out of what actually is. Making a habit of focusing on the present moment, not judging ourselves or others, and staying positive is the only way to achieve winning outcome.

I "love" tennis even more for reminding me of this.

Lessons from a Month of Getting Quiet

I have mixed feelings about leaving March and my theme of mindfulness behind. The month spent trying to get quiet, calm,  and focused while paying attention to my inner voice and uncovering heart's desires has been both frustrating and enlightening. The first week I was sleepy, the second week I was cranky, the third week I began to make progress, and the fourth week was kind of magical.

Here's a quick summary of what I learned from the experience and then - on to April, when I am switching it up big time!

1. Quiet feels strange. At the beginning of March I banished TV, news and excessive internet use from my life and then I didn't know what to do with myself.  I knew my life was noisy and cluttered, but I was surprised to find how uncomfortable the peace and quiet felt at first.

2. Sleep is a beautiful thing. If you find you can't keep your eyes open when you first try to get centered and calm, it's probably because you're exhausted. Our minds are so chock full of to-do lists and fretting, it's no surprise that when we finally stop to take a breath, all we really want to do is take a nap. Don't fight it - get the Z's you need.

3. Meditation - Just Do it. For all you skeptics out there that think meditation is a new-age, touchy-feely, mumbo-jumbo, slacker waste of time, I say this - just try it. After just a month, I feel calmer, more confident, and happier! The benefits don't stop there. According to the Mayo Clinic,

"Meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that benefits both your emotional well-being and your overall health. And these benefits don't end when your meditation session ends. Meditation can help carry you more calmly through your day and improve certain medical conditions."

4. Meditation takes practice. If meditation makes you feel bored, frustrated, scattered, or stupid - don't get discouraged. I've found it takes time and repetition to get into rhythm; just keep at it for a few minutes each day. And don't think you have to just sit there with your legs crossed, chanting "ohm." There are lots of ways to be mindful including yoga or going for a walk. The point is to fully experience the present moment, take a break from all the planning, guilt and worry, and relax.

5. Tip - Use a Playlist as a Timer. One of my biggest blocks to meditating was that I constantly worried about what time it was. Had 5 minutes passed? Had 30? I couldn't relax unless I knew. I tried setting a timer, but I'd finally get settled and it would beep and ruin the whole thing. Finally, I made a playlist of calming music, and now I just select the number of songs I have time for (usually 5-6 songs, or 20 minutes.) When the music stops playing, I can stop or continue in silence.

6. Pictures are Powerful. If you read my last entry, you know that my vision board workshop has already produced real events in my life. I'm still blown away that I ending up swimming in a cave only days after putting a similar picture on my vision board. But we humans are visual creatures, and being specific about what we want and picturing that thing in our life is much more powerful than writing a goal on a piece of paper. But you have to decide what you want! ( I'm still working on that part.)

Make sure you visualize what you really want, not what someone else wants for you."

- Jerry Gillies

7. Write it Out. I spent a lot of time writing in my journal this month. I've kept a journal since I was 15 and I still have each and every volume I've ever written in a box in my closet. Every once in a while I'll pull them out and frankly, it's awful reading. I'm a sniveling whiner, I'm horribly self-absorbed, I use terrible grammar. But the power of my journal lies in the act of writing it - the finished product is irrelevant. I work out all my problems on the page and venting there never fails to cheer me up. I'm sure it has saved thousands of dollars in psychiatry fees!

I'm not sure how profound all these realizations are - I know I'm just scratching the surface - but that's what I've learned this month. Now, I'm already a week into April and it's time to switch gears. Check back in a couple days, because now that I'm all centered and in touch with myself, I am getting out of the house and into the world, and honey, I'm looking for some inspiration!

Running in The Now

To improve my ability to live in the moment, I'm taking the advice of friends. While many of my friends swear by yoga, meditation tapes and classes, (which I hereby vow to try) my pal Liz has no patience for such sedentary pursuits.

"Meditation is too still," she says, "running is where it's at!"

After all my frustrating attempts at meditation I've been feeling a little antsy, so this morning, inspired by Liz, I took a short run. Actually, it was a very short run - about a mile and a half. (I measured it at this very cool website called gmap-pedometer.com.)  And it wasn't very fast either. But for the purposes of mindfulness, my little run was a big success. Because I made a discovery.

Nothing keeps you living in the moment like PAIN! 

As I lurched around the playfields with burning lungs and rubbery legs, I felt completely connected to The Now. There was no worry about the future, no guilt about the past, no incessant to-do list rattling around in my brain. Just me and my ragged breathing making our way through the chilly mist of an almost Spring day.

I'm not really recommending pain as an ongoing meditation practice, but I think Liz has something here with the running. Tomorrow, I'm trying yoga!

Meditation Stresses Me Out

I feel like a slacker. I have no insights or inspiration to share so far this month. It's not that I haven't been putting in the effort.  Each day I've spent time trying to get still and quiet to become aware of my inner thoughts and feelings. The first week all I did was doze off; this week I'm just frustrated.

I'm frustrated because when I sit down, cross my legs, close my eyes and to try to meditate, one of the following things happens:

1. I get bored.

Will I ever get the benefits from meditating?
(Photo from meditatebehappy.com)

2. I feel silly.

3. I think about all the other things I should be doing.

4. I feel guilty that I can't clear my mind.

5. I'm disappointed that I have no deep thoughts or revelations.

6. The phone rings, the dog barks or I am otherwise interrupted.

Can't I go back to February and clean out a closet or shred a bunch of documents? I was much happier when I had lots of concrete tasks on my to-do list! Who would have thought that expending so little effort would be so damn difficult?

But difficult or not, it's only the 14th, and I've committed to spending all of March on this theme. No one said a creating a midlife crisis would be easy. Perhaps my resistance to getting quiet, or "becoming mindful" as the experts call it, is partly caused by fear. I say I want to be open to real change and to make room for new things in my life; but now I wonder - what I'll have to give up to do that? Organizing my files was easy by comparison.

But my other problem is that I don't really know how to meditate. I need to do some research.  I found this simple, short video, titled What is Mindfulness? The benefits are impressive enough that I want to keep pursuing this.

I also found these 20 practical tips for meditation beginners at zenhabits.com - some of which directly address the issues I've  been struggling with, such as:

#5) Notice frustrations creep up on you. This is very common for beginners as we think "hey, what am I doing here" or "why can't I just quiet my damn mind already." When this happens, really focus in on your breath and let the frustrated feelings go.
#16) Do NOT stress. This may be the most important tip for beginners, and the hardest to implement. NO matter what happens during your meditation practice, do not stress about it. This includes being nervous before meditating and angry afterwards. Meditation is what it s, and just do the best you can at the time.

Hey, according to these tips, I'm not alone! 

For the second half of the month I'm going to be more deliberate about this meditation stuff as well as look for other ways to be mindful and thoughtful throughout my day. Hopefully I'll have something more meaningful to share in my next post, so please stick with me and check back.