tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426686110229877216.post5539959631070995309..comments2024-03-28T03:25:10.175-05:00Comments on Forty Fabulous: When marriage holds you back - is it okay to move on?Marjie Killeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05720944021171910758noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426686110229877216.post-78868037793870183542009-11-10T23:42:33.099-06:002009-11-10T23:42:33.099-06:00Dear Marjie,
The first mention of the word Divorce...Dear Marjie,<br />The first mention of the word Divorce came from my ex. The reason I mention that is because I believe that when one person in the relationship drops the "D" word it is only a matter of time before it is over. After countless conversations we came to a mutual decission that it would be best for both of us. But thinking back on how everything was put in motion, it was her that contacted an attorney for herself and went as far as to say "here I have some recomendation of attorney's for you". To talk about divorce is one thing. Putting it in motion is undescribeable because I didn't set out to be divorced or ever thought failing at my marriage was an option. What I found out much later was that while we were in counseling trying to work on our marriage she was already seeing someone else. She had already check out. <br /><br />As I sat on the stand in court and was asked by the judge to admit my marriage was over and it couldn't be reconciled, I couldn't do it. I broke down and started sobbing. We had to take a 10min recess so I could gather myself. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Two weeks after our divorce was final she moved in with the guy along with our 2yr old daughter. I was devastated and to say there were unresolved issues is an understatement. She was playing house and involving our daughter in her bad decisions and that was unexceptable. <br /><br />Now, I must say that my relationship with my ex is good and we get along and co-parent very well. It is very easy when you leave your ego out of it and always do what is in the best interst of the child/children. Her choices in the beginning were less than ideal and I will never understand making such a decision when there is a child involved but we all have our own way of hiding and dealing with pain. She is a good mom and a good person.<br /><br />I know I expanded on what your original question was but I must say, as I was telling Annie earlier today, you have given me a forum to write and share my experience of divorce. I have never written or shared my emotion of my experience until today and it has been very theraputic and uplifting. Thank you for the opportunity to share and express myself. <br /><br />RoddAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426686110229877216.post-74101976367444306352009-11-10T15:17:37.316-06:002009-11-10T15:17:37.316-06:00Dear Divorced Dad,
Thank you SO much for sharing y...Dear Divorced Dad,<br />Thank you SO much for sharing your experience and perspective. It sounds like you've been through a very difficult time and I'm glad you're at the point where you can focus on the positives, the growth. <br /><br />I'm curious, did you initiate your divorce or did your ex-wife? Because I imagine it's hard to resolve your emotions in the marriage when the other person is closing the door.<br /><br />MarjieMarjie Killeenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05720944021171910758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426686110229877216.post-12234492575922124492009-11-10T11:50:27.011-06:002009-11-10T11:50:27.011-06:00Being a divorced dad myself, I couldn't agree ...Being a divorced dad myself, I couldn't agree more with Annie. I am sad to say that it took the marriage and divorce to start to uncover my true self but on the other hand it provided me with the opportunity for self awareness. I am not an advocate of divorce. The pain it causes is tremendous, but when the pain of making the change is less than the pain you are currently in you find the strength to make the change. But I warn you, please be sure you have exhausted all avenues before you choose to divorce. If you are not prepared, as I was not, you will suffer longer afterwards. It is your own responsibility to take care of any unresolved emotions before divorce. When you can walk away without pointing fingers, placing blame, and you have taken inventory of yourself only then can you truly say you are ready to make such a change. I believe what Annie is saying is true but it requires work and preparation to leave a marriage. I wish I knew then what I know now because I didn't do any of the work and wasn't prepared and I have suffered. Things are much better now and I can't say I would change anything because of the growth I have had from such an experience. But if I can help anyone not suffer internally as I did, because I wan't prepared, then I hope you find something in this message that speaks to you or makes sense. We all deserve happiness and contentment in our own soul. Here"s wishing you find yours!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426686110229877216.post-28646640009426585782009-11-04T18:44:43.572-06:002009-11-04T18:44:43.572-06:00Glad it resonates with you two! I love Annie's...Glad it resonates with you two! I love Annie's viewpoint that living in your own truth isn't selfish. Sometimes we women take responsibility for everyone's happiness but our own.Marjie Killeenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05720944021171910758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426686110229877216.post-55247995925662597222009-11-04T16:41:35.404-06:002009-11-04T16:41:35.404-06:00This makes so much sense - looking deep inside rat...This makes so much sense - looking deep inside rather than at external expectations. Annie knows her stuff!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426686110229877216.post-1820077574317425162009-11-04T09:21:48.096-06:002009-11-04T09:21:48.096-06:00This is SO true! This is exactly what happened in...This is SO true! This is exactly what happened in my first marriage, I was living in "quiet desperation". These articles are really good and beneficial to some who are still struggling with choices we have made. Keep 'em coming! :)rn terrinoreply@blogger.com